Tuesday, July 7, 2009

All Eyes Are On Me

I have a meeting Friday morning at Detriot Cristo Rey High School tofind out what I'll be doing and to get a tour of the school. After that meeting I will decide if it's a good match, and if it is, I'll be placed in Detroit.

In the mean time, I have SO much to do before Orientation. I got my packet in the mail so I've been looking through everything to figure out what paperwork I need to be done and what I need to bring...which is a lot of work. My goal is to get my travel arrangements and medical forms finished this week, as well as my "introduction essay". After I go to Kalamazoo and bring all my stuff back, I can get started sorting through all my stuff to figure out what I need.

I leave for my site directly after orientation (which is in Philly) so I really don't have much time to figure everything out and pack, especially because I'm working every day.

I AM going to Women of Faith July 17th. I decided to go for a few reasons...1 is that I had already made a commitment to volunteer for the event in Indy and then had to cancel. 2 is that I have been wanting to go to this event for FOUR years and this is the first time the opportunity has landed in my lap. 3 is that I need a weekend of faith. It's something I've been thirsting for and concentrating on this summer more than ever, I have many questions that will be answered that weekend. 4 is that I will get to see Hollister. 5 is for all the speakers/artists I will meet. Yes, Mandisa will be there, but I didn't know that until a few months AFTER I signed up to volunteer. so she is not a reason for me to go...just an added bonus.

I will not be attending Cookletta weekend. It makes me sad, because I wanted to spend one of my last free weekends with Sam and Brenna, making concert memories. However, that is only a FEW days before I leave, I need to fully concentrate on my year...this isn't like going away to college, this is going to be a major lifestyle change. So no cookletta :( The Davids will distract me too much. haha. I just hate dissapointing people and hate that I've upset Sam and Brenna.

I consider this another lesson in taking my life one day at a time, making constructive decisions, and putting my needs and wants first. I'm the type of person who ALWAYS puts others before myself, but there are times when I need to focus on what is right for me. Right now my heart is saying that I need to be at WOF. I really believe it will be a life changing weekend, AND prepare me for MVC.

On another nostaligic note, last night I started writing a poem/lyrics and just didn't stop. It's kind of all over the place and doesn't make 100 percent sense but I'm posting it anyways.

All eyes are on me
To take the next step on this rocky road
I'm taking risks
Too late to turn back

Don't want to feel the world pushing me down
Time to use my own strength
To pull away from the daily strain

It's an open road from here
All up to me
My life is in my own hands

I've been taught all the facts
But they never told me what's next
Or how to trust
The past is just a blur
The future is anything but clear
This moment is all I have
I'm wasting it with fear

Wish I could catch a glimpse into tomorrow
To know what step to take today

What gets me is that I've worked my whole life
Waiting for now

It's here and I'm so lost
Wish I could take a few steps back
Back when worries were so small
Broken hearts were still whole
Laughter came easily
Fear was unheard of
Comfort was abundant
Now all that's vanished

All I have is now
All I can do is try
I'm going down the open road
All eyes are on me

-Megan Carolin

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