|Here I am wearing the same outfit. You'll notice the sweater si too big now, where before it was a bit snug. Also, I've lost a bit in my chest area.|
But I do have to share something with you guys. At one point during the trip, I had a pretty rough night. It all started because I saw a picture of myself from the beach in my bathing suit. And I hated the way I looked. I was embarrassed and felt disgusting. I began to cry, and wondered if I would EVER like the way I look, if I will ever feel confident and appreciate my body. Luckily, My parents were there for the breakdown. And they assured me that I looked fine, that I need to remember how far I have come, and that I should be proud of myself. My mom joked that NO woman looks good in a bathing suit. And the very next day? There was an article on Thought Catalog about how bathing suits are the worst article of clothing ever. I began to feel a little bit better.
I know I will have those moments again. But I also know I can push past them. I can look at before and after pictures like the one above and see how far I have come.
The other day I was cleaning out an old purse and found this receipt:
That is a real receipt from almost exactly a year ago. I purchased a hot dog and a peanut butter bash sundae from DQ. It wouldn't be so bad if it was just a one time, indulgent snack. But that trip through the dairy queen drive through was a weekly, sometimes twice weekly, ordeal. If it wasn't Dairy Queen, it was McDonald's or Wendy's or a snack from the work vending machine. And then I'd come home and have a full dinner, usually paired with a couple glasses of wine. And then I'd snack for the rest of the evening.
That is so not me anymore. I am human and have temptations, but I can't tell you the last time I swung through a drive thru just because I wanted a snack. My portion sizes are much smaller and my choices are healthier. Instead of constantly thinking about food and where I will get my next treat from, I am thinking about work or Tom or the gym. When it comes to food I think about the dinner I have waiting at home or which veggies I need to pick up from the store for my newest recipe.
Finding that receipt was an eye opener, and a deep realization of how far I have come with my relationship with food.
It has been almost a full year since I began this journey. I don't have the exact date, but it was sometime in late May/early June. A lot changes in a year!