Monday, May 5, 2014

Everything has changed.

For the first time since the beginning of my weight loss journey, I actually cried when I compared these two pictures side by side.

On the left you have me, almost exactly a year ago, at the Taylor Swift concert. It was a blast and I had the time of my life, but I was at the unhealthiest of my life. I distinctly remember walking around downtown detroit, feeling very uncomfortable and very heavy. I also remember feeling like I was going to die walking up the stadium steps and feeling too big for my seat. Taylor and Ed let me escape for the evening, forgetting my weight and my overall unhappiness. I was still feeling bitter over my ex, and wondered if I would ever have the kind of love Taylor and ed sang about that night. 

Seeing this picture reminds me of far I've come physically and emotionally. I no longer rely on a couple glasses of wine and some tears to help me sleep. I don't get tired walking around the block. I don't feel so heavy, so sad.

I was feeling so disgusted with myself back then. I hid it by trying to make other people laugh, by pretending it was okay, by avoiding the people I was closest with.  I stayed busy so I wouldn't have to be alone, because at the time i was my own worst enemy.

That is so not me. Not anymore. And I know I have written about this a thousand times and you are sick of hearing it by now, but my God, this is a miracle. I never thought I could be this happy. Weight doesn't equal happiness,  but health does.

And when it comes down to it, I'm just not so SAD anymore. I think that in itself is something to celebrate. As Taylor and ed once sang, "everything has changed".

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