Sunday, May 31, 2009

Let's Step It Up

I’ve been avoiding writing this since the day I came home from Kalamazoo. I know that it needs to be addressed, but before I could publicly discuss this “issue”, I had to discuss it with myself. I was honestly scared to even mention the word "diet" to anyone, because I was so afraid that I let people down.

In January, I started a diet which included making healthier choices and training for a 5 mile walk. I lost between 15-20 pounds and felt great. I was proud of myself, had so much motivation and support from others, and really thought that it would continue and I would never have to “start” over again. I can tell you the EXACT date all of this pretty much ended. It was the day after the 5 mile walk, and I was under a significant amount of stress. Instead of continuing with my diet and exercise program, I turned back to food. For those of you who have commented/messaged me the past two days with encouragement, I thank you very much. It’s hard not to be upset with myself after I had done so well, but your words have helped me realize that it’s not the end of the world.

There are a few issues that correlate to my weight issue which need to be attended do on this journey. The most important is the anxiety. The reason I turn to food in the first place is anxiety. I’m working on this one.

The second is that I need to fully trust in God. I’ve been sent resources from Mandisa which are SO VERY helpful, but part of me questions whether or not I actually have all that trust in God or if I am just thinking I am. Mandisa says I analyze things too much like she does. I think she’s right. Anyways, I am also working on this with the help form her.

The final is that I need to grow up and quit this lazy habit. I have to realize that this is my HEALTH that is in danger.

So, what’s the plan? Well I had to go back and read my old blogs on how I lost the weight the first time around. Starting tomorrow, I will restart my walking again. I do not have the proper walking shoes, but I can’t afford those right now so I’ll have to work with what I’ve got. I also start my healthy habits…I’m going to start writing down every thing I eat again.

Some of you have mentioned that I’m too hard on myself. That may be true, but I’m also starting to realize that this is my health, so I have got to keep going. A year ago, I didn’t care enough about myself to even try to lose weight. That has changed due to the amazing people in my life who have shown me that I’m worth something. Thank you.

So let’s go. In the words of Taylor Swift, “these things WILL change”. Who’s with me? This time, I AM going to reach my goals, I will be dedicated to this. Let's step it up. (That's totally going to be the name of my book after I lose the weight).

I know I mentioned in my last entry that I would be discussing music with this post, but it's already too long and I don't want to take the focus off the important issue. Coming soon: a post about all the music you NEED to be listening to.

Saturday, May 30, 2009

Remember that one time I graduated?


I thought I would never do this, but I am officially starting a blog. I normally blog via myspace, but since that's pretty much dead these days, and I'm not about to write a new facebook note every week, I started a blog.

It's been a little over a month since I graduated from college. Every person I run into asks the same questions: "Are you excited to be done (which, by the way, should technically be finished. Thanks Mom)?"; "What are you doing now?"; "What do you WANT to do?".

Well folks, here are the answers to your burning questions.

Yes, I am ecstatic to be FINISHED. For those who have known me for a long time, you know it's been a rough for years. If you happen to have just stumbled on this blog, or you don't really know me that well, let me give you the spark notes version. I graduated from the most amazing high school (Mercy) with amazing friends, and I absolutely did NOT want to go to college. I was scared, and as it turns out, most of my fears came true. I wasn't COMPLETELY miserable (all the time) but let's just say...I came home a lot on weekends to escape. So therefore, YES, I was glad to be finished with college. I realize it's only been a month, but I don't miss it. Maybe I will someday, but right now I am quite content with knowing I never have to go through that again.

The second question is one that I avoid. What am I doing now? Well, if you really want to know, absolutely nothing. I've heard that this is quite frequent for recent college grads, but I can't help but feel antsy, bored, and frustrated. What I am ACTUALLY doing now is spending my days cleaning, making dinner for my parents, taking my dog on a walk, and doing a lot of writing. I also catch up on old seasons of Grey's Anatomy. As slacker as that sounds, I have a reason. I applied for a position for the Mercy Volunteer Corps. You can read about it here: Basically, it's like Teach for America in a sense. I will be placed in a US City where I will do a year of service. I get housing, medical insurance, student loan deferment, money for future education, a monthly allowance for food, monthly allowance for personal items, and transportation. I decided to do this because it will give me a year of experience in an area that I am passionate about, plus let me have one more year before I am forced to go into the real world. It's a wonderful thing for me, I'm confident of that. The issue is that I won't find out where I am placed until late June or July, so finding a summer job is TOUGH. I had a nanny job, but then they decided to go with someone who could stick through the fall for sure, which is something I can't promise. So right now, what I am doing is being an unemployed bum who listens to Kelly Clarkson on full blast while making dinner for her amazing, supportive parents who are SO kind to let me live with them.

What do I WANT to do? You could be here all night for the answer to this one! I want to change the world! I want to meet Oprah! I want to cure cancer! Dream big, right? What I want to do is follow God's plan. I want to go wherever He sends me. I know that wherever I end up with the Mercy Volunteer Corps is all meant to be. After that is over, I WANT to move to Nashville with really awesome full time job, but really all I CAN do right now is take things one day at a time. As far as a full time, future career, I don't know. Sorry. Can't answer this one for ya.

This blog is already insanely long, but there are a few other things going on in my life that should be addressed. Some of it's good, some of it's not so good.

My 14 year old cousin, Laurence, was diagnosed with brain cancer last year. He's had his ups and downs with it, but about a week ago we found out that his tumor has doubled in size. He needs your prayers and support right now. Laurence is also one of the most amazing young men I know. He recently asked Make-A-Wish Foundation to use the money they would have used to help make his wish (to meet Bono) come true and donate it to the United Nations Fund. If you're on facebook, join his facebook group "Make Extreme Poverty History". You'll be amazed at the things this kid has to say.

Exciting news is that my brother is engaged! He has been dating his girlfriend Sara for five years. I am very, very, happy for both of them and proud to welcome Sara to our family officially. They are both wonderful people and deserve the best, which they now have :) Congratulations, you two!

The engagement news has sparked several people to find it acceptable to tell me "well Megan, you're next". Perhaps I am next in the marriage line, but unless you would like to introduce me to a steady boyfriend that I have, this is NOT happening anytime soon. I am 21 years old and single, people! I could ramble on and on about my feelings toward certain boys right now, but I will save that for a later blog. Just go listen to every Spill Canvas song ever written, and you'll get a good idea of what I'm going through.

The final piece of information (I promise) that I'll share today is the dieting issue. If you followed my myspace blogs from January-March, you know how hard I worked. You probably also know that I DID lose 18 pounds. Well now it's May 30, and I have gone completely off track. I can pin it down to the EXACT day I gave up, and that was the day after I walked the 5 mile walk for the homeless. I'll spare you the lengthy details (for now) but school and internship stressed me out, and I gave up. I'm ashamed, I feel guilty, I hated myself for it, but I am officially ready to start back up again. I KNOW it's bad to start and stop, I know I made mistakes, I know I did not try as hard as I should have. I promise you there will be more details on that later. I also promise you that by my goal date, I WILL have lost weight.

Okay, I totally lied. I have one more thing to say. Everyone who knows me knows that I am an American Idol fan, so I've also been getting asked a million times how I feel about this season. Spark notes version: I did not like this season. Adam Lambert is amazing. Kris Allen is a good singer and a nice guy but there is nothing original about him. Who should have won? Adam. Or Allison Iraheta. Kris won, though, and I'm proud of him. Go Kris. Woo.

If you read this whole thing, remind me to hug you next time I see you. My next blog entry will be about music and dieting (because they go so well together...and because I have a lot to say).