Saturday, January 29, 2011

Nobody likes you when you're 23

Who would have thought a popular 90's song would bring so much meaning to my life twelve years later? Not I, that's for sure.

Growing up I heard the same thing over and over- get good grades, get accepted to college, graduate, get a good job wherever you please. (Of course, my parents also taught me to be a good person). Here's what they don't tell you- it's not that simple. They don't tell you that months before college graduation you will have daily panic attacks or want to stab someone with a pencil whenever they ask you "what's next?" because really, you have no idea. They don't tell you that it could take years to land a job. They don't tell you that you might have to start out driving kids around in minivans before you can establish your career. They don't tell you that everyone wants to hire someone young, but only with experience. Which, by the way, is impossible. How the $%^& am I supposed to get experience unless you HIRE ME?

Maybe if I had known this, things would be different. Maybe I would have saved up a bunch of $ and traveled. Or gone through with that study abroad trip. Maybe I wouldn't have believed you, and things would be exactly the same. Who knows. All I know is I was so sure that I would graduate college and be happy and working. I avoided this mess for a while by doing a year of service. I was so happy to be giving back to the Mercy community AND working in my field at the same time. I grew spiritually, emotionally, mentally. I thought "NOW people will hire me. I've been working for a YEAR with at risk youth! I can do things now!"


That one year + 6 months working at a child abuse neglect council + 6 months working with juvenile delinquents + 2 years working for underprivelaged youth with the Girl Scouts+ 4 years of a college education= what? Nothing, apparently. At least that's the vibe I'm getting. I've applied for hundreds of jobs in the past two years. What else do I need to do? "keep looking, don't give up" aren't going to cut it much longer.

23 is not fun. Maybe it is for the lucky ones, but how many of us actually get that chance? Oh, and by "23" I really mean anyone who graduate in the last 3-4 years and still hasn't gotten their chance, because no one is giving them one.

Kids, this is what we should be telling you: work hard. Be a good person. Love hard. Get good grades. Go to college, graduate. Do a year of service, heck do two years of service. Don't get your hopes up. If you want something, go for it, but know it will take a while. Enjoy your teenage years and don't let the drama/stress get to you, just have fun and be free.

a great Saturday, friends. I'm back to searching/applying for jobs.
y the way, today is my 1/2 birthday. Only 6 more months. I'm not saying things will be different when I'm 24, but I'm hoping they are better than right now. They have to be. And if someone wants to buy me Taylor Swift tickets for her show on my birthday I won't complain. Just saying.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

finding inspiration

I'd be lying if I said everything was just peachy right now. It's been tough. But, an old friend recently messaged me on fb to say that I seemed really happy. Well, I'm glad I seem that way. Actually I'm not sure if that's good or bad. But, I'm going to focus on the good for my readers sake.

I made a resolution to write more. It makes me happy, it's my outlet. I wasn't sure how well that would turn out because there is not much going on in my life to inspire me. Well, it's the end of January and I have written twelve new poems/song lyrics with three unfinished pieces. That's the most I've written in a month since I started writing. I just let inspiration come to me instead of searching for it. I'd hear a phrase or have a dream and just start writing with no looking back. It really sort of amazed me how easy it was. I don't expect that to stick, because I pretty much hit every topic possible this month, but who knows. I'm not going to pressure it. We'll see! I'm going to include some of my favorites at the end of thise post. Also, please please please if you have something you'd LIKE to see written, tell me. much as things are kind of sucky right now, I've been blessed to find positivity in my job. It was hard to find it, but I'm holding onto it now that I have. One of them is one of my coworkers. She is not only one of the funniest people I've ever met, but she stands up for me and supports me in a way that is so genuine. She's also one of the most compassionate people I know. Although this job can be frustrating she so obviously cares about the kids and the program. I'm extremly grateful that she has come into my life. The second is one of our scholars. We'll call her Amber. These girls have been hard to get close too. I don't know if it's me, them, what. Amber is the one I thought I would have the biggest problem with- she really challenged me in the beginning. But she is quickly becoming one of my favorite people (shh). She's extremly mature and honest, which is a breath of fresh air for a teenage girl. She asks me about my life and I know she's not bieng fake or just trying to make conversation, she actually cares. And I really care about her. I worry about her, there's a lot going on that she has to push through. But I know with her strength she will make it, and I can't wait for the day she makes it big.

I know this was a random post without much "juice". Sorry. Here are some of my favorite things I've written this month. Comments are appreciated.

"Never Alone"
Megan Carolin, Jan 2011
As the tears crash down from your tired eyes
And fall like weights into your hands
Take a deep breath, look to the sky
Find peace knowing your fears
Won’t last forever
Someone is coming to save you
You are never alone
Your story is not over yet
Keep writing with the words inside your heart
Don’t let anyone take that away
You say you need a rescue
Look inside your self
Find that strength deep inside
Force fear to escape your mind
Say a prayer, sing outloud, write it all out
Whatever brings you peace
We’re waiting for you to shine
Because you are never alone

"Wait, I Think"
Megan Carolin, Jan 2011
I think I like you
Starting to think I’d like to keep you around
Wait, that’s a lie, who am I kidding
Let’s not get too attached
We both know I have issues letting go
If you don’t mind I want to just have this moment
I know this sounds crazy, we’ve only just met
But there’s something about you
That’s got me hooked
You really get me
And I’d really like to get to you
You must be a miracle worker
Cuz With you I’m myself
That doesn’t happen very often
You won me over when we were driving
You knew my favorite song
And that I don’t like my music too loud
But wait, stop the music
Let’s not get too attached
We both know I have issues letting go
If you don’t mind I want to just have this moment
And we can go back to just friends
Wait, that’s a lie, who am I kidding
I think I like you
I know I’d like to keep you around

"Show Fear To The Door"
Jan 2011
I’m not a big fan of fear
I don’t like how it treats people
I know they say it makes us stronger
But I think they must not really get it
That for some of the rest of us
There’s nothing strong about it
Let me speak directly for a moment
Hey, fear, who invited you
To crash my party
I want you thrown out
Before you ruin me again
Up to your same old tricks, I see
Sneaking in discreetly, quietly at first
Before you take over completely
I said I was over you, over this
I know it’s not that simple
But just for the record, that usually means
You’re not welcome here anymore
This is my life and you can’t control it
So goodbye, let me show you to the door
And don’t you even think
About coming back here again
I’m team love.

"You Will Rise"
Are your ears ringing?
They’re talking about you again
Nothing new, some old cruel assumptions
Calling you ugly and destructive
Saying there’s no hope for you
Well I don’t think they know you very well
If they did maybe they’d see
The beauty in the ruins
The hero among the broken
I know you’ve been knocked down to nothing
Sure you’ve made your mistakes
That doesn’t mean you’re down for good
I believe in you and I’ll see you rise
One of these days we’ll prove them wrong
They’ll beg to be a part of this
I’ll stand by you through it all
Don’t give into their nasty chit chat
Don’t let them think you are what they say you are
Show em how you shine
Get them talking about
The beauty in the ruins
The heroes among the broken
I know you’ve been knocked down
Sure you’ve made your mistakes
That doesn’t mean you’re down for good
I believe in you and I’ll see you rise
They don’t know you like I do
I believe in you and I’ll see you rise

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Laurence Carolin

Hello All.

A year ago today, an amazing young man lost his battle to brain cancer. I say amazing, but that is an understatement. Most of you know his story. Some do not. Today I want to share some of the things that made him so special. Please take just a few minutes to read/watch/listen. It may give you something to believe in.

First, I will post the video I made in his memory. It kind of explains a lot of Laurence's life- his dedication to making the world a better place.


Since a young age, Laurence was intrigued by music. His favorite band was U2, and he credits the band to helping him through his depression and fight with cancer. Laurence originally asked Make A Wish to help him meet Bono, but then changed it. Instead, he wanted the money that WOULD be used donated to the ONE Campaign. Laurence got both. Make A Wish, ONE, and Bono himself were so impressed that they helped out. Laurence ended up raising $5,000 for the ONE campaign. Below are two videos- one of Laurence meeting Bono, and another of Bono giving Laurence a shout out during a concert.

The shout out happens around 5:45-5::50. He says "To Laurence Carolin, a great One Campaigner, who is losing his own life"

As if that wasn't enough, Bono wrote Laurence's parents, Pat and Lisa, a handwritten letter.

Image and video hosting by TinyPic
Image and video hosting by TinyPic

The letter says-

Temple Hill (personal letterhead from his home)
Lisa and Pat
Just a note to say how touched myself the band and everyone in the One Campaign was by Laurence. He was and remains a hero to us .. I have just come back from a screening of the U2 360 show from the Rose Bowl in Los Angeles where I sing Amazing Grace and One for him to commemorate a truly special spirit in the world for too short a time but eternal in his impact.
Love and blessing.

M.A.D. Award

Jordin Sparks is one of my favorite artists. Luckily, I've been blessed enough to be able to get to know her a bit as well. She has one of the sweetest hearts in music. Last year, she announced that she was doing a MAD Award- giving recognition to someone who truly makes a difference. I had to nominate Laurence. Here is my nomination-

He has always been passionate about three things: soccer, music, and raising awareness on poverty. When he was diagnosed with stage 4 brain cancer at the age of 13, Laurence made it his mission to make every last second count. He was constantly writing letters on the dangers of poverty in Africa, as well as diseases such as malaria. Laurence created facebook groups and student organizations at his school for people to become involved. He has done a range of awareness activities, from food drives at his school to asking the Make A Wish foundation to donate the money he would have used for his wish to the ONE campaign instead. Laurence's original wish was to meet Bono from the band U2. When Bono found out about Laurence's selfless act, he insisted that he meet this young man. In September, Laurence was able to attend a U2 concert and meet the entire band. Bono was amazed. A few weeks later, when U2 did their first ever live broadcast, Bono mentioned Laurence in the middle of "With Or Without You". As Laurence became more and more ill, he has asked for more fundraisers for both the One Campaign and for Nothing But Nets. He set a goal to raise $20,000 for Nothing But Nets. As of January 2010, he has raised over $16,000. Laurence's days are numbered, and soon he won't be with us. However, he has been making a difference in this world since a very young age. He is an angel walking among us, and to say that he is making a difference is an understatement.

Laurence won the award, and his father Patrick was sent a beautiful pack. Jordin also spoke about him on stage in front of an audience full of VIP's. This year, the award was renamed to the Laurence Carolin M.A.D. Award. Thank you, Jordin!

Things I've Written

Writing is my outlet, and dealing with Laurence's passing was no exception. Here are the things I wrote the weekend he passed away:

"Close your eyes
Take one last breath
Take His hand, rest in His arms
We may not get it
But He needs you now
To protect the fearful
And save the fallen
To smile for the depressed
And heal the broken
The hearts you touched
Will miss you deeply
But those hearts are whole
Knowing the difference you've made
Your light keeps shining
Your presence we still feel
You'll always be apart of us
Now you're just one step ahead"

One person's spark
Can light the whole world
Yours was so bright
It will never go out
You may be gone
But it still shines on
Into the hearts of those in pain
Those full of fear and hate
I herby swear to live life for you
With you in my heart
And you watching over me
Keep on guiding, I know you will
Show us the way
Miss your gentle soul
I won't forget you
I love you, rest sweetly.

Dear World,
You should know that we lost a great one today. Laurence Carolin put his heart and soul into living his life for others. He raised awareness, he educated, and he inspired. At the age of 13, Laurence was diagnosed with stage 4 brain cancer. Laurence used this to reach out to others. He raised awareness on poverty and disease in Africa and encouraged others to donate what they could. The things he did in his short life are more than most people dream of doing. God had to take Laurence away today. He took him peacefully, to release him from his struggles. It's okay, don't be mad. He was once an angel walking on earth, but now God needs him upstairs. Laurence was placed on this earth for a reason, and now he'll be up there, protecting us from pain. He may be gone, but his mission will live on forever. Right now Laurence is safely in the arms of his grandpa Jim, and I am positive that he is watching over the people of Haiti and gathering a team of angels to help them out. I'm positive that my good friend Amanda Jones is laughing with Laurence and holding his hand, as they watch over all the young children suffering from cancer on earth. I truly believe that if everyone was 1/2 the person Laurence was, things wouldn't be so bad. It is our duty to "carry each other, sisters and brothers". So I ask you, world, what are you going to do to be a little bit more like Laurence Carolin? Love and Blessings, Megan

And one on his birthday in September...

Your heart of gold was all we could talk about
And how you were constantly pouring it out for others, selflessly
I imagine when you closed your eyes for the final time
Your golden heart broke into pieces
Swirling gracefully into the sky,
Slowly headed toward the clouds,
Which grabbed onto the pieces, tucked them away in the safest place,
the pockets of the angels whose home lies within the clouds
when the rest of us down here get stuck
Pulled into destruction, ready to give up
The angels simply drop your gold from the sky
And it comes swirling gracefully back down,
Until it finds a new home in our hearts
And we can move forward, with a little golden piece of you to keep us going

And, finally, the new one I wrote today, on the anniversary of his death.

15th of January, 2009
I remember it so well
Picking up the phone on a long drive
Hearing the news that gave a new definition to tragedy
The simple phrase was all I needed-
“He’s gone”.
It’s not that is was a surprise,
After 12 months of fighting I knew your strength was little
The tears I was crying weren’t out of shock
I just really don’t find it fair
Why do all the good ones go too soon?
I know things happen for a reason
And I should have faith in that
But I’m sorry, I just can’t understand
15 was much too young
Not a day goes by where I don’t miss you
I promised you I would live your mission
And yeah I’ve tried, but
I know I can do better, please show me how
I have a theory about my heart
It’s been broken, yes, but I think it’s sewn together
Each thread represents another one up there
Who’s watching over me
And all that I am is made up of
What they’ve taught me
Whenever it aches for suffering
Or I feel the drive to stand up and speak out
I know that’s you
And I thank you
You’re my courage

FYI, I only posted just a FEW things that really stand out to me. Laurence's mission was all over the place. You can go here: to read a little more, or just google his name.

I love you all. Very much.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

2nd Graders On Making The World A Better Place

My mom is a second grade teacher. My dad and I are often with her as she is checking papers, giggling every once in a while over the things they say. Tonight has been full of laughter. Their "story of the week" topic was: Martin Luther King Jr. had a dream of making the world a better place for his people. what do you think would make the world a better place? I absolutely had to share some of the answers with everyone tonight. Hopefully you can get a laugh or two. Feel free to share. Maybe if we all listened to what these second graders had to say, the world would be a better place.

FYI- I kept some of the spelling errors in because they made them that much funnier.

"One other thing that's bad is swearing. It's against God. You shouldn't say swear words because if your brother hears you, he will swear too."

"The world would be a better place if there was no swearing because you might not go to Heaven."

"People should not take drugs or alcohol because if they do they could crash their car."

"Littering is bad for the Earth. If you're not helping the Earth, then you're just making it sick."

"I think the war should stop. I think the war should stop because people are dying. Also, if the person is marryd and they die, the person who marryd them would be sad."

"Id like to change war. To make something fair it doesn't always have to be a big deal. You could flip a coin! In fact I think those people should just play a game of rock paper scissors shoe."

"We can make the world a better place by not taking drug. If you take drug you'll get loopy and then you kill someone."

"The world would be a better place if no one swore or said bad words like crap."

"When we litter animals can get caught and be choked until the animals die. Also underwater sea turtles favorite snack is a jellyfish and a plastic bag is often mistaking for a jellyfish."

"Drunk driving is another problem. It makes you go out of control. You go off the roads even. Even worse is people talking on the phone when they are drunk!"

"And what is up with drugs? Why take it if it is bad for you? If someone gives you drugs, just say 'NO! Not in 10,000 years! Shame on you!' Just walk away from the person. Tell someone right away or call your mother or father or the princeible to get them spended and one more thing- don't take drugs."

"The world would be a better place if people did not throw trash on the street when they miss the trash can. They don't even feel sorry! The world should not have alcohol. It just makes parents CRAZY AND MAD. People should not take drugs if you don't have in your persishon. You could die in 2 or 3 months!"

(Cutest spelling errors award) "I also think a problum is smoking becuse people died becuse its smok. Well the guns have killed lots of people. Don't even start with me on stealing. They has had lots of casses on stealing preshes things."

Okay, this kids whole thing was golden. Ready? "The world would be a better place if people stopped swearing. It's disrespectful to God. It is wrong to steal. I really don't see why buying it is so bad that the person has to steal. You shouldn't text and drive. Texting is the worst thing you could do in a car. Plus you really don't want to crash when texting. Why can't you just do it when you get where you are going?"

Hope you got a laugh out of those. Enjoy the rest of your week. And one more thing- don't do drugs.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

I trust that you are God

I love to write. We all know this. I even love writing papers for school. Yes, I was one of those kids. I may or may not have written papers for my friends in college. (Hey Jess Hey). So why then, am I having such a hard time writing my personal statement for my application to Wayne State?

First question has me stumped: Why have you chosen social work as a profession?

Um. Well. Because I spent a year of my life working in a school where I was essentially filling social work duties and I loved it more than I could possibly express. Because I have never experienced a greater feeling than the moments when I would see a change in a kid, or that I somehow brought joy or understanding to a kid. Or because I was so passionate about helping them achieve their goals- emotionally and academically that I literally LOVED going to work EVERY SINGLE DAY. Because despite all of their problems, they had a spark of hope that kept shining through. Because I saw them make it. One day at a time, and that was all I needed.

How I express my extreme passion for helping kids reach their goals in a school setting is beyond me. I just know it is something that not only I want to do, but I have to do. It's in my bones.

Is that good enough for you, Wayne State? Probably not. Maybe you can read my blogs from July 09-August 10. That may help.

Sigh. Back to work.

Oh, but before I do....the power of positive thinking is no joke guys. Today I was in such a funk. Couldn't tell ya why but all I wanted to do after my walk was lie in bed (and I wasn't that tired, just bummed out). I eventually got myself up and dressed, put a little makeup on, and headed to Church. I was praying for God to bring me some comfort. He did. The priest was talking about how sometimes we have to let ourselves go of our expectations of ourselves in order to really live. He said in faith that means letting go of what WE want and listening to what GOD wants. That was exactly what I have been struggling with and needed to hear. I'm listening, God. I was very happy to know that He is taking care of me, and when I needed out of my funk all I had to do was push out all the bad and refocus on positivity. I encourage all of you to do the same. Don't get stuck.

And because I love you I'm leaving you with gifts of three of my favorite songs latley. You are SO welcome.

This one below, all of you MUST listen.

Have a blessed week.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

tell me your story. please.

I feel like a parent who just dropped their only child off at college, waiting anxiously to hear from them. Just wanting to know how they are doing out there on their own, exposed to so many new people.

Obviously, I don't have a kid. And if I did, they wouldn't be old enough to go to college...but I just submitted my essay for the Women of Faith contest. I've been working on this baby for several months, pouring my heart and soul into it. It is the most personal piece I have ever written that will now be read by a team of judges. If selected, I will win a publishing deal. But I'm not so worried about winning or not winning. I am extremely proud of myself for taking a leap of faith and entering in the first place. I told my story to the best of my ability. My goal is not to win but to inspire and help someone going through a similar struggle.

So, one of my new years resolutions is to write more. I know that seems kinda weird coming from someone who has a blog, but for the past few months my writing has been put on a back burner, besides the essay. My goal is to fill my song/poetry book by next January. That's 66 pages. Not bad, but it's taken me three years to fill up the first 40 pages or so. SO. I'm going to need your help. My life doesn't provide me with a ton of inspiration. How can you help?

Tell me your story. It can be about pain, joy, love, broken heart. Tell me about your first love. Your kids, your favorite kind of day. What makes you happy, what hurts. Your job, and what it means to you. ANYTHING. I want to hear it. And turn it into something. I can't promise it will be the best thing ever written, but I can promise that I will work hard on your piece. So, I want everyone to read this to submit something. If you don't want to leave a comment you can e-mail me at

I would share the rest of my new years resolutions, but most of them are pretty personal. Just know 2011 is gonna rock.

Love love love.