Saturday, January 30, 2010

what if I ripped your heart apart at the seams maybe then you'd know how I feel

During the past few days, I've given up twitter and facebook. I checked it maybe a once or twice a day to get a message or to post Laurence's video, but other than that, nothing. I've learned how to be okay with silence...I think that was my biggest problem. I got too anxious when things weren't happening around me, I needed a distraction from my thoughts. Now, by replacing use of social media with prayer, meditation, or reading, I felt much more at peace. I'm definatley going to continue to limit myself on fb and twitter, but taking a complete break is no longer necessary...and although my break was shorter than I imagined, I learned a LOT in those few days.

I don't have much else to say. It was a pretty good weekend. Nate and I went to a DSO show on Friday night, there were also a bunch of Cristo Rey students their for a field trip....and because all my students are obsessed with finding me a husband, they automatically assumed that Nate is my boyfriend. I will never hear the end of that now. The show was alright, but it was fun seeing students outside of school...they were probably freaked out, though :) After the show Katie, Dave and I met up with some friends. I haven't had a good night out in a while, so it was a lot of fun. Today Katie and I went out to lunch, then I got some work done and kind of laid around until dinner (mmm homemade tortilla soup) and then we went to Barnes and Noble and Meijer. Wrote down some book titles that I want and hoping to pick them up at the library this week. I just came upstairs to call my mom and then decided to blog- so that's where I am now.

Tomorrow we have church and community breakfast, cleaning/laundry, possibly Bible Study. I say possibly because I would love to go, but it's also the Grammy's tomorrow night- my FAVORITE night of television. I live for the Grammy's. So we'll see :)

I would like to thank everyone who has been there for me this week....I know I'm not talking much about what has got me down, but the hugs and texts have made me feel better...the best one I got was probably from Dean, who said "I mean I know I'm not Samantha Hollingsworth, but I'm here for you". Thanks Dean, and thanks to everyone else. I'll get over will take time, but I'll get over it.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

mon coeur est cassé

Well, today...kind of sucked. I realize I just sounded like a 13 year old kid but to be completely honest, that's how I feel right a kid who got their lunch money stolen or in a fight with a friend.

I'll start with the negatives and end with positive because despite everything, I always try to find a little sunshine.

-My heart is broken. I don't want to talk about it, unless your name is Samantha Hollingsworth, because frankly no one else could even begin to understand. So please don't ask me. Just know that I'm in a very sensitive state of mind right now.
-Two of my kids are leaving. Two of my kids that I worked hard for...darn hard. In the beginning of the year, I had three girls that I was working with every single day....on their attitudes, mainly, and their relationships with other people. One, perhaps one that I was the closest too, left in November. One left yesterday (her mom pulled her out. She was beginning to change.)...and one left today (she was going to be asked to leave). I couldn't help but cry. I worked SO HARD for these three, and now they are all gone. I will never know if anything I said to them or showed them even went through. I know I shouldn't feel at fault, but it just really sucks. I'm going to miss the two that have left most recently a lot...they were such a big part of my experience. In my separate journal I write in, their names are in almost every entry....and now it's like they don't exist.
-There are a few more kids leaving. It's necessary because of grades and behavior, but hurts because I've gotten so close to them. One of my boys is possibly going, one that makes my day every single day because he makes up these raps and songs about me.

-Last week I told you about a girl who was leaving because her mom was pulling her out, even though she was one of our best students. Well, she's back. I screamed when I saw her. Her mom decided to let her finish out the year. I was very happy to see her and got her started on a creative writing project.
-One of my close students wrote in a paper "this school is a
God-sent and I wish the rest of my classmates would realize that." Oh sweetie. ME TOO. Some of these kids just don't get that they are so much better off here.
-I love my kids. They can always make me feel better, without even knowing I'm upset. I got a few drawing's today, and they just make me laugh with the funny things they me "Hey everyone I have an announcement". Student "IS YOU GETTING MARRIED?" So funny that was the FIRST thing she thought of.
-I heard my grandma's song on the radio today. I NEVER hear it. It's "With Arms Wide Open" by Creed. It came on as everything negative from the day was sinking in...and it was just a sign that she's here with me.

I'm going to leave you all with this song...I have a million songs that describe how I feel right now but Spill Canvas is my go to music when something happens.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

When the going gets rough and I feel like I may fall, I'll look on the brightside

I couldn't decide if blogging should be part of my "social media fast". In the end, I decided it was okay, as long as I don't pimp out my page for all of you to's more for me. Plus, I won't be posting every day.

It's day two of my fast and I've only logged onto facebook once (to post a link and to remind people that this is their last chance to send me pictures for Laurence's video) and twitter twice (to get Melinda's DM and to post a link for Sam). I'm pretty proud of myself, the toughest part is at night before I go to sleep. I'm going to start completely shutting my computer down and putting it away and downstairs so that I can spend the last 1/2 hour or so before I fall asleep writing or just sitting in silence. We don't do enough of that, you know? Just take time to appreciate the day.

My dear friend April sent me a gratitude journal, which I have been using along with my regular journal. (I'm almost out of pages! I would have ran out long ago, but I got lazy with writing in December). It will be exciting to put that journal away in my memory box and to start a fresh one. Anyways, my gratitude journal from April has been helping me take a new perspective on life's gifts. Last night, I wrote about one of the happiest times of my life.

"Summer concerts with Sam never fail to make me smile, especially the Season 7 American Idol Concerts. I know most people don't get it, and probably never will. For us, it was more then just going to see the Idols. It was an escape. The summer months leading up to those concerts were really bad for both of us. I had gone through a bad spell with my emotions, and Sam was in a weird state of mind having just graduated. Also, she lost one of her best friends, and someone who I had come to love as well- Amanda. Those concerts took away everything that had hurt both of us. Just being there, completely emerged in the music, made everything go away. We had so much fun just being goofs and screaming our lungs out. We made new friends, we grew closer, and we formed a bond with people who we loved and admired on the show. I know that I will always look back on those days and laugh, and I am so forever grateful for the good times they brought".

The new Lady Antebellum came out yesterday, it's amazing. I'm not sure if I like it as much as their first one (their first one is perfection), but that could be because I haven't had the chance to REALLY listen to it. There are a lot of ballads, but they are beautiful.

Hope you all have a great Wednesday.

Monday, January 25, 2010

slow down, you crazy child

I've jumped into this "lifestyle change" full speed ahead since Christmas break. I track what I eat on , substitute fatty school lunches for homemade, healthier options, and make myself more aware of healthier choices. This isn't about a diet, it's about changing my attitude toward food. No longer making it a necessity or something that makes me feel better, but rather filling my heart with happiness and peace. It's working. I hopped on the scale this morning before I left my parents house and can proudly say I have lost ten pounds since Christmas break. Every single day is a struggle, but I'm beating it. This "get hot for the wedding" plan is actually working. I know that the hardest part will be keeping it off and maintaining my healthy lifestyle, but I just have to take this one day at a time. Actually, one step at a time.

I'm feeling a little better about Laurence's service thanks to spirituality night. Katie had us do a meditation, and I felt at peace in God's presence. I've realized maybe my feelings yesterday were a good thing...maybe it's calling me to action to really be strong in my beliefs. Maybe this time can be a time for me to grow in my relationship with God. I had a couple visions during this mediation, all of which comforted me, and all of which assured me that Laurence is safe in Jesus' arms.

I made the decision earlier today to cut out facebook/twitter for the next one-two weeks. It's been something I've been wanting to do for a while, and I think I need it now more than ever. It's not because I'm depressed or because I'm lazy. It's because I have been getting to caught up in instant gratification and in spending my time dedicated to things and to what other people are doing, every second of the day. I need to take time to focus on me, on God, and on my service here with MVC. I need to step away from caring so much about what is going on and care more about what's happening in my heart. I hope this makes sense and that everyone can respect that. You can email me at , text or call me. I may still be blogging, I'm not sure. I'll cross that bridge when it comes.

I'll def be posting the video for Laurence on Facebook within the next two days, but other than that don't expect to see me around. I'm going to fill my time in silence, writing, reading, and creating new programming for my kids. I'm also going to be spending it praying and figuring out what I'm supposed to do with my life.

I love you all so much, and am grateful for your support.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

walk on

I'm going to be completely honest...I have no idea what I am feeling right now. I went into Laurence's services anxious and nervous. I came out...confused. I don't know where to sort all the feelings and thoughts going through my mind.

Yesterday's service was beautiful. I completely lost it for most of the service and had to take a 4 hour nap when I got home, but it was beautiful. The hardest part yesterday for me was the reality that he is actually gone...that this son, brother, cousin, friend, gone. Although it was a 2 year battle, it still doesn't seem right. However, the service reminded me that Laurence was placed here for a reason, and he fulfilled his mission....his time came for God to bring him home and use him in Heaven. The speakers were perfect and the homily that the priest gave spoke so directly to my thoughts on Laurence.

Perhaps the most touching part for me yesterday was that little Francesca came. I mentioned her in my previous blog, she is a former student of my mom's and her family are good friends with my parents. She sat next to my mom clutching Kleenex in her little hands. Laurence has played a HUGE role in this little girl's life, and seeing her so emotionally invested reminded me once again of Laurence's purpose- to raise awareness on extreme poverty and to encourage people to get a cause. Seeing someone so young that I know be so inspired by Laurence just reaffirmed how wonderful he really is. After the service, Francesca wrote in the memory book "You helped to remind me that there can be peace in the world". I immediately started crying when I read that. I know that Laurence has forever changed Francesca and will stay in her heart forever, and for that I am grateful and blessed.

Today was the second service, which was also lovely. I enjoyed hearing Laurence's friends speak about him in such high regards. As much as I love and admire Laurence, it's always wonderful to hear other people speak so highly of this truly amazing kid. His best friends made me tear up, and my Aunt Mary Ann (my inspiration in life) really made me cry. She talked about the perfect timing Laurence came into our family- he was adopted after a string of deaths (her son Tom, her sister's son, and her husband). She and Laurence have always been very, very close. It was touching, especially because I love and adore both of them so much. The most heartwarming part of today was when one of Laurence's friends performed an original song for us. It was a song he wrote about Laurence and it was beautiful....and took a lot of guts to get up there in front of all those people and sing. I don't remember all the lyrics, but I remember in the chorus it said "this world is not good enough for you". That was the line that got me, because it's so true. Laurence was too good for us. We may never even realize just how lucky we were to be touched by Laurence Carolin.

Although today was nice, I left feeling a little more...confused....anxious. I went to Church, hoping to find some answers. I walked around the beautiful St. Hugo campus for a little bit after mass. I'm not sure what I was looking for...a sign? Comfort? Peace? I have no idea. I still haven't found it...but I don't know what it is I'm looking for. I guess I just need to know that Laurence is okay, happy, and with his grandpa Jim up in Heaven. I need to know that I will see him again....

On a more positive note, I loved seeing my family this weekend. I wish it didn't have to be this way, but was so glad to be able to spend a few moments with some of the people I admire the most in this world, like Patrick and Mary Ann...and so fun to catch up with my hilarious Aunt Ellen and Aunt Peg...otherwise known as "the kissing aunts". I've made a promise to myself to keep in better touch with them. I would love to spend more weekends with my Aunt Mary Ann. She is the most spiritual person I know and I have learned so much from her. I believe that many of my questions about faith could be answered by her. She's wonderful.

It was also great to see my immediate family. I'm lucky to be placed Detroit in that I can still see my family. We played games together, we laughed together, we cried together. I saw my sister cry for maybe the third time in my life, and was comforted by my dad, who I often say is the glue that holds this family together. My mom and I shared the same feelings...and both felt a little depressed and drained today. A big part of my happiness this weekend was seeing Dave and Sara with my sister and brother. I am so happy that they have found love, found that person that they are going to be with the rest of their lives....that will be there for them when they need it the most. I just hope and pray that I will find that person for me.

Well, for someone who wasn't sure what to say, I sure did write a lot. I hope all of this makes sense. I know that I am going to try my hardest to live life for find my cause. I know that Laurence was an angel walking on this earth. I know that I will never be able to hear a U2 song without thinking of Laurence. I love you, Laurence, and I will always hold you close to my heart.

day 23 → a YouTube video

day 24 → whatever tickles your fancy

10 Favorite Gavin DeGraw Songs

10) Let It Go
9) Lover Be Strong
8) Young Love
7)Nice To Meet You Anyway
6) Chariot
5) Glass
4) Belief
3) Follow Through
2) We Belong Together
1) More Than Anyone

Friday, January 22, 2010

a beautiful distraction

I'm watching Hope For Haiti right now with my parents, and my heart is breaking into a thousand little pieces. What a devastating, terrible situation. The orphans...if I had the money, I would adopt. I wish I could go over to Haiti right now and help. Dave, Katie, Nate and myself gave $100, but I just wish there was more. If you have the money, the ability...please donate. They need us.

Another heartbreaking story of of my kids is leaving the school. Not my choice, not her choice. Poor family situation. The kid is SUCH an amazing young woman. I've seen her grow this year, I've wiped her tears from her face when she gave a bone chilling speech after her step father was killed. She's smart, she takes care of herself, she never gets in trouble. She could go so her mom is saying she's not sure if she will even put her in another school. Um, that's illegal. I wish I could have a few words with these parents sometimes. Anyways, as this student was leaving, she was hugging her friends and crying. She gave me a big hug and squeezed so tight. I told her to email me, be good, and live her dreams. God, I hope she's okay.

After school I drove to my parents house for the will be easier to stay here and transport back and forth from Ann Arbor for the funeral services. I stopped by my mom's classroom to meet her kids and help with art. It was fun, but I know I could never work with kids that young all day. It's super stressful. I did have fun, though. After school when we were walking out I saw the precious Francesca. Francesca is the youngest of a family that my mom taught and I babysat. When I babysat for them, she was a baby. Now she's in 3rd grade...Francesca has taken a particular interest in Laurence's mission. She donated her hair to locks of love in his name, raised money, prayed for him...she is having a birthday party this Saturday and asking for her friends to bring donations for Nothing But Nets instead of presents. She's just an amazing kid, and it is so evident how much Laurence has influenced her life. When I saw her I just ran up and hugged her. I am so touched by everything she has done, and am positive she is going to make a huge difference in this world. I'm very glad she is a part of our family's life.

My girls were playing basketball near my house, so my dad and I went to cheer them on- except the time of the game had been changed without me we showed up as it was ending. They won (45-19) but I'm sad I didn't get to cheer for them. I did get to chat with them for a few minutes. Love my kids.

Day 22: A Website

I spend most of my time:

Listening to: "Beautiful Distraction"- Josh Hoge

Thursday, January 21, 2010

my god he's beautiful

Today was just one of those rollercoaster rides. Although I slept a little too late, I was energetic and ready to tackle the day.

During the morning, I was a proctor for a Latin exam. It was for a group of students that I have a pretty good relationship with, ones that like to give me a hard time. It was a little challenging getting them to calm down, but once that bell rang, they were in full test mode. I walked around the room and noticed one of my closest students having an anxiety attack. I knew it, because that would have been me. I had SEVERE test anxiety as a kid. Luckily, my teachers noticed and I got help at an early age. This girl, however, has been pushed through one of the worst public school systems in the country, no one noticing that she needed help. I knelt down beside her and asked her if she was okay, and she immediatley burst into tears. "I studied for HOURS and I can't remember nothing!". I ignored her poor English and tried to calm her down "Take a few deep breaths and focus on relaxing before you look at the test. You know this. You got this. Just breathe. Push the nerves away". I sat down and prayed for her....but everytime I looked up, she was CLEARLY in distress. She even began pulling her hair out. I knelt down beside her again, took her hand, and said "breathe. I know your nervous, but you worked hard for this. Do you think it would help if you took these tests one on one?" She nodded and cried some more. God, did I feel for her. I wanted to cry with her...I wanted to give her the answers. I know what that's like. It's one of the most frustrating feelings in the world, and one of the hardest aspects of anxiety as a kid. There's already pressure for tests and exams, but when you have an anxiety disorder on top of that, it's nearly impossible to concentrate and to breathe. I talked to a few teachers about it and I am going to be doing some one on one test anxiety counseling with her. I think she's also going to be doing one on one testing, instead of with all her classmates...because once they caught on to what was happening, she was even more nervous.

It's things like this that make me SO happy to be where I am. Although I will NEVER know the full reality of the lives these kids live, I can relate to them on some aspects, I can teach them. I can tell them the mistakes I made or the lessons I learned and hope that it touches them in some way. I won't ever know if I made any difference on them, but trying my hardest makes my heart happy.

Dave and I watched "Funny People" this afternoon. Good movie...very good movie. I can't say much without giving things away (you really should watch it), but my two favorite quotes were

"Don't let things slip away. When you love someone, don't let them slip away"


"Get back to your life".

I mean really. It's that simple. If someone means that much to you, don't let them slip away. Things may change in your relationship with them, but there's a reason they are there. Hold on tight to the people that care.

The second quote piggy backs off my blog a few nights ago. Something knocks you down, you learn, you get back up and live your life.

day 21 → a recipe
Chicken Parmesan :) yummm
4 boneless chicken breasts
1 egg
1/2 cup milk
seasoned bread crumbs
2 to 3 tablespoons olive oil
8 slices mozzarella cheese, or more
1 jar (16 oz) spaghetti sauce
Parmesan cheese
Preparation: Whisk together the egg and milk. Dip the chicken breasts in milk and egg mixture and then in bread crumbs. Heat olive oil in a large skillet over medium-high heat. Brown the chicken in the hot oil on both sides until golden, about 3 to 4 minutes on each side. Set chicken in a baking dish.
Slice 8 pieces of mozzarella cheese and put two on each chicken breast. Pour 1 jar of your favorite spaghetti sauce over all. Sprinkle with Parmesan cheese and a little more mozzarella and bake at 350° for about 25 to 30 minutes. Serve with Spaghetti.

Listening To: "I'd Lie"- Taylor Swift

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

MAD Award.

About a week ago, I nominated Laurence for the MAD award. The MAD (Making A Difference) award is something through Jordin Sparks Charities. The award is new this year and is given to three people: a person who makes a difference in their everyday life, a charity, and a celebrity. I love Jordin (and miss her), I love charities, I love Laurence, I love that he makes a difference. It made perfect sense to me to nominate him. This is what I wrote about him:

He has always been passionate about three things: soccer, music, and raising awareness on poverty. When he was diagnosed with stage 4 brain cancer at the age of 13, Laurence made it his mission to make every last second count. He was constantly writing letters on the dangers of poverty in Africa, as well as diseases such as malaria. Laurence created facebook groups and student organizations at his school for people to become involved. He has done a range of awareness activities, from food drives at his school to asking the Make A Wish foundation to donate the money he would have used for his wish to the ONE campagin instead. Laurence's original wish was to meet Bono from the band U2. When Bono found out about Laurence's selfless act, he insisted that he meet this young man. In Sepetmeber, Laurence was able to attend a U2 concert and meet the entire band. Bono was amazed. A few weeks later, when U2 did their first ever live broadcast, Bono mentioned Laurence in the middle of "With Or Without You". As Laurence became more and more ill, he has asked for more fundraisers for both the One Campaign and for Nothing But Nets. He set a goal to raise $20,000 for Nothing But Nets. As of January 2010, he has raised over $16,000. Laurence's days are numbered, and soon he won't be with us. However, he has been making a difference in this world since a very young age. He is an angel walking among us, and to say that he is making a difference is an understatement.

I also included some of the websites that talk about his mission.

Today, I was on facebook and saw this:

2010 Inaugural M.A.D Award recipient is Laurence Carolin!

Oh gosh. First I squealed. Then I slapped my hand over my mouth. He deserves this. I had to let Jodi (Jordin's mom) know that he passed away...this was the message I got back:

We are so sorry for your loss and had no idea. We will still honor him at the event with the award and will send to the family. Our thoughts and prayers are with you. We will be in touch with you.

I don't know what exactly he is getting, perhaps money toward his charity. I know that Jordin will speak about him at her super bowl event in a few weeks when she presents the awards. I know that her fans will hear his story and be inspired.

Other than that, not much is going on. It's exam week at the school which means 1/2 days...and also a lot of sitting around, waiting for the kids, etc. I'm getting so much support from my friends, it's amazing.

day 20 → a hobby of yours
Writing. Writing...and more writing. I'll post something I've been working on.

You can’t keep pushing away
trying to tear down walls
around someone else’s heart is
Not my role,
I’m supposed to be the mess around here
And you’re supposed to save me with your sweet song

Now you’re broken and I’m all you’ve got
If you’d only let me be your crutch
This time I could be the hero
I could be the one to save you

If only you would give me a chance
To be the one for you
Instead of another lonely girl
Desperate for a steady glance

I know I’m just me and could never be
Quite like the others
But I could make your heart whole again
Trust me, love me, let me be the one
To save you with this sweet song

Listening to: "SOS"- Jordin Sparks (how appropriate, ha).

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

just keep swimming :)

I think I'm out of the funk. Yeah, I know that was fast. Thank God. THANK GOD. If that was a typical Megan funk, it could have lasted months.

What frustrated me the most was that I feel like I had been growing and changing so much, and suddenly I was at a halt, as if a giant wall of gloom hit me in the face. I don't know what it was, I just know that in those 48 hours I was trapped in a place I thought I had left behind forever. With the help of some amazing friends, I learned that sometimes in life you have to hit a wall. It reminded me that I AM stronger, because instead of sliding down the wall and leaning up against it, I pushed it down. Walls aren't put up to stop us from living....they are there for us to knock keep learning, keep growing. This life is full of choices, it's all about making the right ones. In the end, it's not about the wall, it's about how you defeat it.

I've talked about walls for too long now. Let's talk about friends. I have some amazing ones. Within a matter of minutes of posting my blog last night, I had people offering advice, a shoulder to cry on, reminders that they are here for me. I reflected a lot today on friendships and how funny they are- some of them come out of nowhere. Some people just stay in our lives for a reason. I have people I can count on, people I can always call and who will be my friend forever. I feel lucky to have that. A perfect example is my friendship with Sam. I was talking to someone about this today...sometimes I wonder what the HELL I was in a sorority for. I mean, besides some good memories and a few friendships, it essentially brought out the worst in me....but then I think...God led me to Delta Gamma to meet Sam. I would have never met her ,had I quit, or never joined at all. DG went down the dump just a week after we became besties...which leads me to believe that it is the reason I joined. Sam is one of the only people in my life who knows everything about me, and accepts me for it. Not only does she accept it, but she UNDERSTANDS me. Everything about me...without faking it or trying to hard. She just DOES. I really don't know how lucky I am to be best friends with someone like her.

I'm also incredibly blessed by my roomies, students and my co-workers. My roomies have been so supportive and are always making sure I'm okay and if I need anything. When our principal made the announcement of Laurence's passing, I heard an entire student body gasp. I got chills...the hugs that followed throughout the day were just what I needed and reminded me how much I love these kids. My co-workers were so amazing to me today....asking if I was okay, shoulder squeezes, hugs. I love this job.

day 19 → a talent of yours
I don't really have a talent, to be honest. Unless you count writing, just read an entire blog entry of mine. I think you're read-out.

I leave you with this: If there is something blocking you from making your dreams a reality, or from being happy, knock it down. You got this. I'm cheering you on.

Monday, January 18, 2010

is this what it feels like to really cry

day 16 → a song that makes you cry (or nearly)
That's most songs, ha. Lately, though...this one.

day 17 → an art piece (painting, drawing, sculpture, etc.)

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

That painting makes me happy. I love the fall.

day 18 → whatever tickles your fancy

I present to 10 favorite GAGA songs. I've done this with Spill Canvas and Kelly, and will be doing more artists. Here's my GAGA list.

10)Just Dance
8)Beautiful, Dirty, Rich
7) Again, Again
6) Poker Face
5) Alejandro
4) Bad Romance
3) Paparazzi
2) Speechless
1) Brown Eyes

Now onto some more serious business. I'm in a funk. I hate being in funks. Ever since I got home from Gem's house, I've had this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. I'm anxious, I'm irritable, I'm cranky. I want to curl up and have someone else take care of me. I felt like I was crawling out of my own skin. I wasn't the me that I've been the past few weeks, which has been a happy, positive me. Instead, I've been gloomy and negative. I'm not sure if it has to do with Laurence....when people ask me if I'm okay I nod and say yes, but, I'm not. I mean I'm going to be fine and I will find a way to deal with this, but the reality is I'm not okay right at this moment. I hate feeling like this, because it makes me feel worthless. It also makes me feel selfish. Is it wrong for me to want to just cry on someone's shoulder? Because that's all I feel like doing. I'm just confused and dealing with so many different emotions right now....and maybe I shouldn't be posting this, but I will anyways.

I'm going to be honoring Laurence's life in a few different ways. Stay tuned.

I love you all. I'm going to spend some time with God before I go to sleep. This is final exams week, which means I have 1/2 days all week. Hopefully that will give me some time to re-evaluate.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

rest sweetly, laurence.

First, an announcement about my special project. I need as MANY contributions for this as possible, so please pass this around:

I am going to be making a video in Laurence's memory. Please take a picture of yourself holding up a sign that says something to Laurence (express your love, tell him how much he inspired you, what you're doing to do to live out his mission...use song lyrics or a bible verse. Be creative!) and email your pictures to me at . spread the word!

It doesn't matter if you knew Laurence. Just please submit something. Thanks.

On Friday morning I woke up with a bad feeling. As I headed off to Ohio to visit my Gem, I had an overwhelming feeling of anxiety about Laurence. I began to cry just thinking about it. I pulled over to use the restroom and when I got back in the car I noticed I had a missed call from my dad. I immediatley called him back, because I thought it was "the call". I was wrong, he was just checking up on me. I breathed a litle easier and kept driving. About 1/2 hour later, my dad called back.

"He passed away".

Tears. Immediatley. I couldn't stop. I knew it. I just KNEW it. Although I wasn't in shock, the news of this amazing person leaving us hit my heart...hard. I called Gem to let her know, and to tell her I was still coming but could leave at any time if something went down this weekend. Next person I called was Sam. Held my tears in for her and was thankful as her gracious heart told me if I needed ANYTHING to let her know. Next call was my mom....that's when I turned into a mess. Sobbing. I pulled over to send texts, asking Des to alert the backups and telling my roomates and closest friends. I started driving again and every single time I got a new text or phone call, I cried some more. I drove the rest of the way in tears, listening to music but not really hearing the songs.

It's a day later and my heart is still in pieces, even though I know he's in a better place. Through all the phone calls, texts, hugs from Gem, FB messages, tweets, posts, I'm making it. I tried to write this morning, and these are the three things I came up with:

"Close your eyes
Take one last breath
Take His hand, rest in His arms
We may not get it
But He needs you now
To protect the fearful
And save the fallen
To smile for the depressed
And heal the broken
The hearts you touched
Will miss you deeply
But those hearts are whole
Knowing the difference you've made
Your light keeps shining
Your presence we still feel
You'll always be apart of us
Now you're just one step ahead"

One person's spark
Can light the whole world
Yours was so bright
It will never go out
You may be gone
But it still shines on
Into the hearts of those in pain
Those full of fear and hate
I herby swear to live life for you
With you in my heart
And you watching over me
Keep on guiding, I know you will
Show us the way
Miss your gentle soul
I won't forget you
I love you, rest sweetly.

Dear World,
You should know that we lost a great one today. Laurence Carolin put his heart and soul into living his life for others. He raised awareness, he educated, and he inspired. At the age of 13, Laurence was diagnosed with stage 4 brain cancer. Laurence used this to reach out to others. He raised awareness on poverty and disease in Africa and encouraged others to donate what they could. The things he did in his short life are more than most people dream of doing. God had to take Laurence away today. He took him peacefully, to release him from his struggles. It's okay, don't be mad. He was once an angel walking on earth, but now God needs him upstairs. Laurence was placed on this earth for a reason, and now he'll be up there, protecting us from pain. He may be gone, but his mission will live on forever. Right now Laurence is safely in the arms of his grandpa Jim, and I am positive that he is watching over the people of Haiti and gathering a team of angels to help them out. I'm positive that my good friend Amanda Jones is laughing with Laurence and holding his hand, as they watch over all the young children suffering from cancer on earth. I truly believe that if everyone was 1/2 the person Laurence was, things wouldn't be so bad. It is our duty to "carry each other, sisters and brothers". So I ask you, world, what are you going to do to be a little bit more like Laurence Carolin? Love and Blessings, Megan

You guys, thank you so much for your support. I'm sure there is more writing coming soon. I love you.

Friday, January 15, 2010

Help Haiti

Day 14 → A non-fictional book

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Any Jen Lancaster book is amazing, but this one is my favorite.

Day 15 → A fanfic

Skip. Ha. No thanks.

Okay, I have to leave for Ohio pretty soon, but i wanted to post the six ways you can help in Haiti (taken from a website) This is our time, people. Do SOMETHING. They need our help. Haiti is already the poorest place in the world...and now this. Help. Donate. If I could hop on a plane and go help right now, I would. Instead, I'm donating the little I can and maybe starting a food drive at school. Here's how you can help...thanks to

1) Text "HAITI" to "90999" to donate $10 to the Red Cross -- Our friends at the US State Department, including Katie Stanton (@kateatstate), very quickly put together this number to channel relief contributions directly to first responders who will be on the ground there. I love that our government does things like this.

2) Text "Yele" to 501501 to donate $5 to Yele Haiti -- Wyclef Jean (@wyclef) created this foundation to permanently improve the lives of the most impoverished in his home country of Haiti. Over the years, the stories I have heard from Wyclef remind me of how hard the living is there. I am humbled by Wyclef's commitment to the region and the impact Yele Haiti has there every day. Check out more on Yele Haiti.

3) Donate to Partners in Health (click here) -- PIH (@pih_org) is already on the ground in Haiti and mobilizing their relief efforts. If you have heard of Paul Farmer, this is the organization he co-founded. Working to provide health care and education to the poorest of Haiti, PIH is the real deal.

4) Donate to Architecture for Humanity (click here) -- Cameron Sinclair (@casinclair) and his non-profit Architecture for Humanity (@archforhumanity) can be found at virtually every developing world disaster site on the planet. These guys are a collection of design and housing geniuses who work tirelessly to provide shelter for the most deserving.

5) Donate to charity:water (click here) -- If you know me, you know how passionate I am about charity:water (@charitywater) and it's work to bring clean water to the 1 billion people on the planet who don't have it. Recently, the organization's founder, my friend and inspiration Scott Harrison (@scottharrison), traveled to Haiti to commence operations in that country and already thousands of Haitians have clean water to drink. As if the situation wasn't already bad enough, the need for clean water only intensifies in the aftermath of earthquakes. Every dollar of your support to these guys goes fully and immediately to work in the field. (Update: charity:water wrote a post encouraging you to also help their partners in Haiti.)

6) Learn more about Haiti -- So often we send token amounts of charity to far-flung developing world destinations. Yet, rarely do we have a sense of what life is like there. Thus, one of the ways I believe you can also respond to a tragedy like this is to commit to learning about Haiti, it's culture and wonder, as well as its daunting hardships. To that end, I recommend reading Paul Farmer's book Mountains Beyond Mountains to get a taste of the hard work underway. Also, be sure to watch Ghosts of Cité Soleil. Produced by Wyclef, and starring him as well, this documentary terrifyingly depicts the heavily armed gang leaders in Haiti's poorest neighborhoods. Meantime, try following the Twitter accounts of the folks mentioned above. Each of us can learn something from them.

7) Update -- A lot of thoughtful folks have left links below to other organizations who can channel your help to those who need it most. Please check out those groups and feel free to discuss them here.

What are you doing to help?

Thursday, January 14, 2010

find your freedom in the music

I'm sure people are waiting for my review for GAGA. Even my kids were excited to hear about it today. One of my students who DESPISES Lady Gaga knew how excited I was for the concert. When I walked in today she jumped off the bleachers and ran, asking how it was. Here's the thing...I can only say so many words about this concert. Incredible. Unbelievable. Amazing. Outstanding. I don't feel like anything I say will give it justice. Lady Gaga GETS it. She is a true artist and despite what people think about her, she's a genius. Her love and passion for music and performing were even more obvious last night when she took the stage. She also clearly absolutely adores her fans. She told us how much she loved us after almost every song, and promised a second leg...but better, because "her fans deserve better". She's also hilarious...yeah she's a little cray cray but that's what makes her so amazing. Also, this is definatley an R-Rated show. Nothing compared to Britney's antics, but Gaga dropped the f-bomb quite a few times. Do not bring your kids to this show. That would be a fail.

My favorite quotes from the banter:

"Do you think I'm sexy? I think you're sexy. Whenever people say 'why are you doing this' I say 'because my fans are sexy".

"I created The Monster Ball so my fans would have a place to go. Where all the FREAKS are outside and we lock the f-ing door".

"I was just a little girl from NYC who no one believed in. I wanted to make the kind of music my heavy metal boyfriends would hate. Soon I became a little girl...who wrote a hit song" ::cue Poker Face::

"I love coming to Detroit because you all have a bud light in one hand and a cigarette in the other. F-ing hippies. Here's to my favorite party city."

As far as my favorite performances, that's tough. Speechless, Brown Eyes, and Paparazzi are my favorite songs of hers. She didn't perform Brown Eyes, but the other two were incredible. I got chills during Speechless and I'm pretty sure she was wiping away tears. Paparazzi was crazy and amazing. I also love Bad Romance, which she closed the show with. Other hi lights for me were Alejandro, Monster, and Beautiful Dirty Rich.

If you ever get a chance to go see Gaga, you must. She is a performer, a songwriter, and an ARTIST. Even a casual fan of hers would fall in love with this show.

I would like to thank Dean for these tickets, this was one of the most incredible concerts I have been and probably will ever go to. I <3 you Dean!

Today is back to reality. I'm really excited because a good family friend (also my old English teacher) is coming to present on Davenport University today. Tomorrow I leave for Ohio :) Life is good.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

oh boy you've left me speechless

Last night some of our JV friends came over to watch Idol. I'm glad there's people I can watch it with :) I do miss the nights when Sam and I were able to watch it together...screaming at the tv every three seconds. I also kind of miss writing about it for the Detroit News. Oh well. That's life. Anyways, it was alright. I liked Maddie, Tyler, Leah, and Katie. I predict Maddie will get to Hollywood and freak out, get a bad group, and leave us. Katie could crack, because they are building her up so much now. Tyler and Leah...not sure. I liked Leah's jazzy tune. She reminded me of Megan, but 100% stronger vocals, ha. I also really missed Paula...and still can't stand Kara.

Tonight is GAGA so I won't be watching. Let me know if anything exciting happens :)

It's a very special day at Cristo Rey, the Archbishop is visiting. He just said our Mass and is now taking a tour of the school and sitting in on some of the classes. The kids have been on their best behavior, I'm proud of them. I love when we have visitors (which is almost a daily occurrence, people are SO interested in this place) because I see a different side of them- they step up into leadership roles and show pride in their school.

I know I've talked about this before, but I'm going to do it again. The world influences us to think about ourselves. It's always "how can I get ahead?" "what do I need to do to succeed". Now...yes, you should take care of yourself....but you should also focus on helping others. I get looked down on for giving a year of my life for others...which is crazy. Why is that looked down on? Because I'm not fighting to make money for myself? Because I don't CARE that I am only making $100 a month? Well, if that's crazy, then I'd rather be crazy. I am just fine living my life for others. If we all took the time to just "do a little more", the world would be a better place. I hate when people say "I'd love to help out, but I don't have time". Bull. You have time. There's all the time in the world. Spend an extra hour a week doing something good for people who have nothing- and NOT just around the holiday's. People need our help ALL YEAR. What is stopping you? Don't let it stop you anymore. Do something. Do anything. Just help out. Giving back and giving service to others is like being in love....because through giving, you find God's love. You receive God's love through the people you work with.

While I'm on my about we take the time to appreciate each other a little more? Quit pointing out flaws and tell someone why you love them. This life is too short to hold grudges. Seek out a forgotten friend. Give a hug. Inspire.

I'm done preaching now...but you should all know that I feel big things happening in 2010. BIG THINGS. In fact, I've had a dream for almost two years now that Sam and I are going to make happen. I'm writing out a plan of action today. I can't say anything yet, but I am very confident that with the right tools and resources, we could make it happen...and it's going to be big. Stay. tuned.

Before I go....

Day 13 → A fictional book

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One of the best books I've ever read, and one that I want my kids to read.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

love uncompromised

Day 12 → Whatever tickles your fancy

Well, it's Tuesday. That means new music. So, ladies and gents, I present to you some new music.

First of all, my favorite band ever released a 3 track single today....I'm hoping for an EP or a new album soon. Here are two of the songs that they released. The third one is called "Good Graces, Bad Influence". Also, bonus because I could download the mp3's off their website, get a hard copy, AND get their new thsirt for only $10 total. Check out . Anyways, here are the tunes:

Also, Jason MF Castro FINALLY released his EP, Love Uncompromised. It is everything I expected for him and I am in love with it. Jason makes the kind of music I'm really into. I'm so happy for him and I hope that this picks up well. With the right kind of marketing, I think it could. He's touring with Matt Hires right now, who is also in his genre. Jason's full album comes out in March, and you better believe I pre-ordered that baby. Here is one of the songs off the EP, called "Sweet Medicine".

Another one of my favorite bands, All Time Low, released their unplugged MTV album. I love it <3 Here's one of their songs:

So, Season 9 of Idol starts tonight. As a crazy Idol fan, you'd think I'd be a little more excited. I'm going to watch tonight (and have a few people coming over), but I can't see myself getting emotionally attached. Even though I wrote for the Detroit News about it last year, I still had no attachments. I will support Allison and Matt, but that's about it. Unless someone is a combination of Melinda and Chikezie, I just can't see it. Also, I do think that Idol is OVER after this season because Simon is not returning. Honestly, I'm glad. Yes it's sad and there goes eight years of memories, but it's time. It's been fun...but no one can replace Simon. The contestants and the votes depend on HIS opinion. No one could be quite what Simon is.

Monday, January 11, 2010

Day 11 → A photo of you taken recently

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This is me on New Year's eve.

I don't have much to say today (since it's only 9 am and nothing exciting has happened yet...) so I'm going to post something I wrote yesterday, and maybe edit this post later.

Desperate for a change
All eyes on you, watching your next step
You just want to break away
Heart is heavy, thoughts are racing
Just be still for a moment
And listen to me
Through this mess, you’re going to make it
Protect your precious heart from the dangers
But don’t block out the ones who care
There’s no stopping now Keep passing through

The night falls and your alone again
Sun rises and it’s the same damn thing
Don’t even know how to feel
So confused, lost in this shuffle
People all around, but none of them real enough to touch
All you want to do is shout out
But you’ve got to keep this up
You can break out, get away from this dungeon
Don’t hold back, you’re destined to be great
You’re changing lives (you’ve already changed mine)
I can see the light is shining, shining so bright for you
Keep on moving and you’ll see it too

Have a good day.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

give me your strength

Day 10 → A photo of you taken over ten years ago

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Yep, there I am. Little Meggie, posing for my soccer picture. I was totally the best player on the team....and by "best", I mean nicest. I never let anyone get hurt, and I would always let other people have the ball. I guess someone as timid as me wasn't made for soccer.

I'm feeling better. Thankfully, I'm not as sick as I was last time (in November) and I can actually stay awake most of the day. I'm just congested. It was a beautiful weekend, though, and looking outside at the sun boosted my morale. We also walked to church today, which is one of my favorite things to do. It was nice to get some fresh air....maybe not nice for my lungs, but I enjoyed it. I think we've found our Church, and that makes me happy. We were kind of hopping around from church to church for the first 5 months we were here, but we all love Holy Trinity. It's nice because it is linked to Nate's service site, it has a family feel, they do A LOT in the community, the priest is awesome (he has talked about us in his homily a few times), some of my students go there, AND it's within walking distance. That will be really nice in the spring :)

After Church and a delicious breakfast (french toast casserole, made my the lovely Katie), I went upstairs for some "megan" time. I checked Laurence's Nothing But Nets page, and when I did I read this comment

I was reading the comments on Laurence's Nothing But Nets story and read this " My four year old tells me he looks forward to meeting you one day in heaven. Because surely, "you are already an angel.".

Oh God, cue the tears. I'm already emotional today because I've been doing a lot of writing and looking at old pictures/videos. That comment put me over the edge. I see how special and amazing Laurence is, and when complete strangers recognize it too, something happens to my heart. God made Laurence so incredibly special, I cannot believe the things that he has done with his life. I know that his final days are approaching and soon he will no longer be with us, I have accepted that, but it still hurts so damn much. If all of us were just a little bit more like Laurence Carolin, the world would be a better place. I love him, I love his mission and his vision.

On a completly different note, I am very happy with the way I have been sticking to . It is such a useful tool and is completely changing the way I view food, which is really what I need. Now I just have to find a way to exercise.

Well, tomorrow starts another week. It's my turn for spirituality night tomorrow, and I have something cool planned. I'll blog about it after we do it :) Of course, GAGA on Wednesday!

Have a lovely week.

Listening to: Chariot- Gavin DeGraw

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Day 09 → A photo you took

Well, that's pretty broad, isn't it? I've taken a lot of pictures. This, however, is one of the best concert pictures I've ever taken:

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We were 2nd row at the T Swift concert at Western back in February 2008. What's crazy about that to me is that while she was somewhat famous then, she was NOWHERE near the superstar she is now...but damn, was she good. I don't care what anyone says, this girl has MAD talent. She is an incredible song writer and puts on an amazing show. I want to get tickets for Katie and I see to her when she comes to Detroit this spring, but we live off 100 dollars a month. That probably won't happen...and I think it's sold out anyways.

The first week back to this crazy life has gone pretty well. Despite my cold, I'm in a good mood right now because it's sunny outside. I want to go for a walk but I'm not going to make this cold any I'm spending my day reading, writing, and cleaning. I wish I could have gone out with our friends last night, but I was knocked out from meds. Anyways, things are going well. I'm accomplishing the goals I set for myself, and our community made some minor adjustments to our lifestyle. We're all on the "eat healthier" plan and looking for a way to get exercise. I really want to join the YMCA on scholarship, but that's still $25 a month, and that combined with the $20 a month I'm putting aside for Nashville in April takes out a huge chunk of my monthly living.

Lots of excitement coming up. GAGA with Dean and Hannah this week!!! Dean is the best friend EVER for buying us tickets for Christmas....then this Friday we have the day off (teacher's have a conference) and we have Monday off for Martin Luther King Day. I'm possibly visiting Gem in Ohio this weekend, which would be great.

Hope you all have a lovely Saturday!

Friday, January 8, 2010


Day 08 → A photo that makes you angry/sad

This is just one picture that represents street after street of houses JUST like this in Detroit. I love this city with my whole heart, and see the good things happening every single day. However, the poverty saddens me so very much. Unless you live here, you really don't know quite how bad it is. I drive by open lots scattered with homeless people (even families) living in the bitter cold of winter. I know there are so many people working to help them, but I wish we could do more. To get them out of the parks and abandoned houses and get them into shelters and give them the resources they need. I wish this economy would pick back up and give people their jobs back. I wish those who are SO naive to what is happening would come and spend a day on the East side of Detroit, see the faces of these people who are living on the streets.

An example of good? Check this out: Taken from their website:

"A Timebank is a volunteer membership organization. It is a community of people who support each other.When you spend an hour to do something for an individual or group, with Timebanking, you will earn one Timebank hour. Then you can use that Timebank hour to receive one hour of a neighbor’s time or engage in a group activity offered by a neighbor.With Timebanking, you work with a group of individuals who are joined together for the common good. Timebanking brings out the best in people because, as a system, it connects needs with resources and skills.In this simple way, Timebanking builds relationships and community. You get to know your neighbors and build an extended family of people who take care of each other."

How cool is that? I signed up for it. I'm also reading a book right now on restoring values that talks a lot about the economic crisis, specifically in Detroit. It's an awesome book and helping me but my year of service into perspective.

I couldn't be happier about being placed in Detroit this year. This city is truly special, and I get sick to my stomach when people poke fun at it. I literally read somewhere that "if the terrorist really had blown up Detroit on Christmas Day, no one would have cared."

Seriously? SERIOUSLY? Thanks.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Day 07 → A photo that makes you happy

Um. I could pick like a thousand. I went with this one:

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That picture, although ridiculous and hilarious, represents SO much. It represents my pride in my amazing friends for running a marathon and raising money for Malaria No More. It represents how much I grew, just from that weekend. I came out of my shell and truly became comfortable being me. It represents how special Melinda is, cheering all of us on. Babz represents my friendship with those outstanding people. I cannot help but smile looking at this picture, and it does make me very happy.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Idol Alum Songs

Day 06 → Whatever tickles your fancy

Well, okay then. I guess I'll talk about one of the things I know best: American Idol. Ha. I would post a deep blog on my future and the lessons I learned in 2009 or something, but it's 8:30 in the morning. I'm not ready for that.

EW Posted an article "29 Great Songs from Idol Grads". I was surprised yet excited that they included some overlooked contestants, like Melinda and Brooke. I thought for sure it would be all Kelly, Carrie, Daughtry, The David's. Anyways, I looked through my music collection decided to post something similiar. So here are MY 29 favorite songs from Idol alum. This was very hard to do, because I have a lot of Idol albums. So basically, even if one of these is number 29, it still made the list out of 357 songs.

29) This is Goodbye- Michael Johns
28) What Can I Say- Carrie Underwood
27) Whataya Want From Me- Adam Lambert
26) You're Not Shaken- Phil Stacey
25) Need To Know- Kris Allen
24) Be Careful- Brooke White
23) Know My Name- Blake Lewis
22) For Your Entertainment- Adam Lambert
21) Don't Waste The Pretty- Allison Iraheta
20) Told You So- Carrie Underwood
19) Definition of Me- Mandisa
18) Cold Heart- Elliot Yamin
17) Sober- Kelly Clarkson
16) Declaration of Love- Melinda Doolittle
15) Zero Gravity- David Archuleta
14) Since You've Been Gone- Kelly Clarkson
13) Don't Look Away- Elliot Yamin
12) Written All Over My Face- Kris Allen
11) Heart On My Sleeve- Michael Johns
10) I Will Be- Melinda Doolittle
9) He Will Come- Mandisa
8) Smile- Brooke White
7) Faith- Jordin Sparks
6) Permanent- David Cook
5) Let It Rain- Jordin Sparks
4) You Can- David Archuleta
3) Chivas- Kelly Clarkson
2) If I'm Not In Love- Melinda Doolittle
1) Maybe- Kelly Clarkson

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

boom boom pow

I have two new favorite websites. First one is . I had to cancel my online weight watchers subscription because I couldn't afford it on my volunteer budget, but The Daily Plate takes care of that for me. It's FREE, super easy, and very helpful to counting calories. I'm learning more about what I'm eating and much more conscious of my habits. I know how many calories I can take in a day, based on my current weight and weight loss goals. It's awesome!

The second is . It is a job search engine for nonprofits. I found a handful of job opportunities yesterday that were PERFECT for what I want to do. Although I still really want to move to Nashville, I'm trusting that God will take me where He wants me to go...and ultimatley, that's whats important. So, I've been applying. I found some wonderful opportunities that deal with mentoring youth, which is really what I want to be doing.

Getting back to a routine has been much easier than I antitcipated. Yesterday was a great day at school, and I was able to get to sleep by 9:30. I also woke up early enough both mornings for a sit down breakfast, which is another goal of mine this "semester". Just hope it keeps up :)

Alright, I meant to start this 30 Day Meme on January 1st, but I completly forgot. So I'm playing catch up.

Day 01 → Your favorite song

Favorite song EVER:

Favorite song at the moment:

Day 02 → Your favorite movie

Day 03 → Your favorite television program

Day 04 → Your favorite book
All of Jen Lancaster's books :)

Day 05 → Your favorite quote

I have way too many...recently "There is no better time than now. The time to live is now. The time to dream is now. The time to imagine and forget the past is now. The time to shine is now. The time to bleed, sweat, and determine yourself for the things you want most is now."

Sunday, January 3, 2010

dreaming big in 2010

I'm going to try to make this quick, because I promised myself I would be asleep by 11. I've been staying up until 2 or 3 during break, that won't fly tonight. I have to be up at 5:30 and I want to have as much energy as possible for my first day back.

I've been feeling kind of icky these past few days, really bad sore throat. I'm blaming it on my sleeping/eating schedule during break. I'm hoping this doesn't turn into strep.

Well, I'm back in Corktown and ready for 2010- kinda. I'm excited to be back and to take on the 2nd half of this adventure, but I could have used just a few more days to feel completly motivated again. I'm excited about making some changes, but a little anxious that maybe I'm not quite ready. Oh well, nothing I can do about it now. Here we go, 2010!

I've gotten a few comments about my blog recently. One was from a family friend, who said I was a "gifted writer". Another was from my little cousin Rachel, who said "you're talented" and the last one was from my friend Jena, who said "I just read three months of your blogs at once; commented on several. A-MA-ZING! WRITE . A . BOOK, or several.The world needs them." These meant a lot to me, especially because the idea of writing a book becomes more appealing every day. I would like to write one anxiety, and the things that have helped me overcome it. I want to help other people who may feel alone in their desperate times.

Also, the idea of moving to Nashville is becoming more and more real. I would move there tomorrow if I could. Sam and I are beginning to seriously talk about it and search for jobs there. Neither of us are comfortable moving there without finding decent jobs first. I promised my dad I wouldn't WORRY about finding a job yet, but he said I could start looking. Wish me luck, and pray for me. Pray that I follow God's plan and learn to listen to what He is saying. Pray that I continue to live out my service here in Detroit, and not lose focus.

So, those are my dreams. I'm really focusing on changing my attitude toward food. I'll be using . come join me!

I love you all and hope you have an amazing week. Wish me luck as it is my first week back!