Sunday, May 16, 2010

sunsets and car crashes

I'm scared. Yes, I know I WILL find a job. Yes, I know everyone else is in the same boat. Yes, I know God has a plan for me.

I know all of these things, I really do...but I'm still scared. I don't like looking into the future and having it be completly empty. Some people find that exciting, a new adventure, I find it terrifying.

I'm negative because I'm sick of being rejected, I'm negative because I'm sick of complaining about it...but it is ALL that it is on my mind. So, my apologies if I am negative, cranky, etc. I'm just having a hard time stepping away from stressing.

Between that stress and an EXTREMLY rough week last week, I needed a distraction tonight. Since I am seeing my favorite band (The Spill Canvas) of all time on Friday, I'm going to celebrate/prepare by listening to an album a night before the concert. Tonight was their first album, Sunsets and Car Crashes. Here are my favorite lyrics from that album.

And in case you were wondering, you are like a sunset to me. You’re all kinds of beautiful as you end my day.

The beauty lies in how you will revive me soon.

How does it feel to know you’re everything I need?

Oh I adore the way you carry yourself, with the grace of a thousand angles overhead.

Just you and I in the sweet unknown, we can just call each other our home. If I had to choose a way to die, it’d be with you…in a goose bump infested embrace, with my over anxious hands cupping your face.

Your picture at my hands, I’m crying at the mercy of your photograph.

With you I’m truly in my element, my element with you.

I hope you never forget the tapping at your window, the harsh cold and the jealousy running through my bones.

I would like to thank you for showing me a part of myself that I had never seen.

My secret is fatally gorgeous: I’d die for you.

The ceremony was not proper, there was not enough people...and who picked the music, those melodies almost made me physically sick.

I am the bracelets you sport; I am everything that you have ever missed, and more.

This is redundant, but I think it bears repeating… I think I’ve found my other half.

Heaven’s not a place that you go when you die; it’s that moment in life when you actually feel alive, so live for the moment now.

Tonight ill sit and pick apart your pictures, and overanalyze your words...the truth is I’ve never fallen so hard.

So don’t go worrying about me, it’s not like I think about you maybe I do, but that shouldn’t affect your life anymore.

Could someone please show me the kind of affection you only see in the movies?

I know you never meant to do everything you put me through, that’s okay, I forgive you. Just know that when you see me cringe sometimes, I’m trying to rid the poison from my mind.

In a confident fashion, I will admit my deepest and darkest to her.

Which you like to go inside and forget the world and the rules by which we are to abide?

Brash and hopeful that my luck will not perish tonight…

Consider this song a testament of my devotion to your secreting scent, and to be completely honest, you’ren ot like all the rest


Shari said... Add Reply

I wish I could tell you not to be scared. I wish I could say that the uncertainty gets easier, but I think the truth is that it's always intimidating. The rejection hurts, no matter how many people tell you to prepare yourself for it. It can hurt a lot, and it makes me sad to see you upset over all this because you're such an amazing person with so much to offer.

I know our situations aren't exactly the same and only you can know what you're thinking and how you feel, but I'm going to share something that a lot of writers and literary agents have said. Rejection is SUCH a huge part of the publishing industry, and even though I'm still working on getting used to that, there's one piece of advice that's really stood out - it's not the writer they're ultimately saying no to, it's the work. Maybe it would help to think about things the same way for you? It's not you they're rejecting or your talent ... it's just that they ultimately decided to go in another direction. I know that doesn't make it hurt any less, but hopefully it will help somehow.

Hang in there ... keep focusing on the positive, like Friday's concert!

Erin Jackson said... Add Reply

I know exactly how you feel right now!! I've been very negative and anxious the past couple weeks about what I'm going to do for the summer and the rest of my life. And I don't take rejection well AT ALL!! The main reason for my anxiety and negativity is because I was rejected from my school's music program to become a music major. I also don't even want to bother auditioning again because I'm pretty sure they'll reject me another time!!

Megan said... Add Reply

You are the BEST. Seriously. Thank you for your always uplifting comments. They mean the world to me. I took your advice to foucs on the positive :)

Shari said... Add Reply

You are too sweet - and you make it easy to share the optimism, because you give it back to all of us 110%. As tough as it sounds, I think those times when life surrounds us with negativity in some way is exactly when we need to counter with positivity the most ... and after reading your most recent blog, it definitely sounds like you're doing just that!! :)

And those uplifting comments go both ways - as always, thank you for YOURS! <3