If your social media newsfeeds are anything like mine, this will probably one of the many posts you see on "body acceptance" today. I see them everywhere- Facebook, Instagram, Youtube....I see articles on websites like HelloGiggles, Buzzfeed, Thought Catalog, etc.
But I don't care if you've read it a million times. I don't care if you think body acceptance is a fad. There are not enough reminders out there. There are not enough people preaching this message. There are not enough people telling you what you need to hear : You. Are. Good. Enough.
This post is inspired by a conversation that I had with one of my best friends this morning. Without spilling her words that were shared in a private conversation, I will just tell you the just of our convo: That none of us, not one, are ever really truly happy with ourselves. And I'm not sure if we ever will be. I don't think I, or any of the other posts/articles, can change that. Because we are human, and we are programmed to strive for "better".
So I won't try to change that.
All I will do, is reach out and say, that if today is one of your bad days, that you are not alone. Maybe today you are beating yourself up about your looks, or a slip up at work, or a bad grade you got. Maybe today you were let down by the speed of your run, or you are angry at yourself for eating that piece of chocolate.
Darling, let it go.
The harsh reality is that you are never going to be perfect. You may never look yourself in the mirror and love every single feature on your body. You may never be okay with your performance at work, your relationships, your mood.
But the good news, is that no one on this earth, not even Beyonce, is 100% content with the person that they are. Maybe that's a let down for you, but I believe it to be the truth.
What we can do instead, is quit beating ourselves up, quit putting the intense pressure on ourselves to be "perfect" and to just say "I'm not perfect, and that's okay".
What you may not realize is that for every "flaw" you see in yourself, there are about a thousand qualities that make you a unique, beautiful, special person. Things that you may not even see because you are too busy tearing yourself down. I think we should all get the chance to see ourselves the way our closest friends and family do. Because I think we may change our minds about ourselves. Your friends and family love, admire, and respect you. You should do the same for yourself. They see something outstanding in you. They are drawn to you. And when they look at you, they do not see your flaws, they see the person they love. It would be great if we could see that in ourselves, too.
So whatever it is tonight that you are unhappy with, let it go. Know that it's okay to feel that way, but also know that you are not doing yourself any favors by bullying yourself over it. Instead, pick out something that you love about yourself, whether it be your body shape, your confidence, your ability to make friends- anything- and flaunt it.
I am very active on social media, and almost every where I turn I am reading body positivity and movements to make women feel better about their bodies. I follow women like Meghan Tonjes, Madison Lawrence and Tobie Stevens- all social media starlets who are not shy about their passion for body positivity and acceptance. I guess in my world, naive as it may be, women were finally starting to see themselves as beautiful, and to spread that message to others. So I was a little shocked and saddened when I read the title on a HelloGiggles article "Glamours Newest Study Says Women Feel Worse About Their Bodies Now More Than Ever""
What? NO! NO NO NO! Stop!
It shouldn't be like this! We should be feeling BETTER about ourselves more than ever. Why is it going backwards? What are we doing wrong? And HOW CAN WE FIX IT?
I am yelling because I have to yell. I am so passionate about this I could explode. Nothing upsets me more than people who don't think they are good enough. That's just not true.
Part of the problem is that we compare ourselves far too much to others. Let me remind you: It. Doesn't Matter. It doesn't matter how the girl in front of you at Starbucks looks. It doesn't matter what your colleagues look like. It doesn't matter how fit the other girls at the gym are. All that matters is you, your attitude, and how YOU feel. Certainly if you feel like you will feel healthier if you drop some lbs or gain muscle then GO FOR IT. But do NOT let the way someone else looks be your motivation. YOU are your motivation.
You were uniquely made. You are special. Your body will never be like anyone else's no matter how hard you try. So do not spend your time and energy comparing yourself to another or feeling bad that you do not look the way you think you are supposed to look.
I know this isn't easy and I know I cannot force everyone to feel better about their bodies. I know I can't give you a magical formula to fix your attitude on your body. All I can do is my best to remind each and every woman in my life that they ARE beautiful.
So now we have to put this into action. Each morning, before you rush out the door, stop for a moment. Sit in silence, and tell yourself "I am good enough. I am beautiful". And then, as you go about the day, spread love. Not just to others- but to yourself. Before you fall asleep each night, list off the things that you ROCKED that day and the things you loved about yourself. Even if the list is short, focus on the positive. If a negative thought pops in, will it to go away and replace it with a positive one.
One day you will believe me. One day you will see your beauty loud and clear. One day we will read an article that tells us women are feeling better about themselves now than ever before. One day this will change. One footstep at a time.
And if you need a little motivation to get you started, I have the perfect song for you
Usually, this type of campaign is aimed toward teenage girls. And, of course, I agree. Teenage girls need to love themselves and value their worth. But so do the rest of us. I know grown men who do not love themselves enough to take care of themselves and their well being. I know elderly men and women who think their life was not relevant, that they did not accomplish a single thing in their life.
Those things are just not true.
All of us have accomplished something. It may not be huge, but in the grand scheme of things, that doesn't really matter. Each of us have done something in our life to be proud of. Sometimes it just takes a little digging to find it.
I wince when I hear people say that they aren't good at anything. Yes, you are. Do not compare yourself to those around you. I know people my age who make triple the salary that I do and own homes and fancy cars- that's not my life, and it may never be my life. But that doesn't mean I am not a good person, or that I haven't accomplished anything.
If you are someone who struggles with loving yourself, do me a favor. Each night, before you go to sleep, write down one accomplishment from that day. If it's "took my vitamins"- AWESOME. If it's "Went to the gym"- AWESOME. If it's "Made someone smile"- AWESOME. These are all GREAT things that you did. Be proud!
I have written on this topic hundreds of times before. But it's worth repeating: You were uniquely made. You are meant to be in this world. You are important. Your existence makes a difference. Be proud of the person you are.
Beautiful things happen when you learn to love yourself. Your fists begin to unclench and your hands begin to open, to grab onto new opportunities. Your heart will follow- it will open, and you will begin to love life and love others, and to let love inside that heart. But it all starts in your mind. You must wake up each morning and say "I woke up for a reason. It's my duty to find out what that reason is". Go about your day with eyes of wonder, looking for positivity and love along the way. I won't lie, bad things may happen. You may have a really, horrible day. But do not let that define you. Don't let that force you back into your hole. Stop, think, and act in a way that will bring about a positive change.
You don't need me to tell you that you're beautiful (even though you are). You need to tell yourself that you're beautiful. When you rely on others to tell you how awesome you are, you enter danger zone. Your happiness and self worth does not come from others- it comes from you. So embrace yourself just as you would a friend in need, and take care of yourself.
I've always had a pretty messed up relationship with food.
Even at a young age, I was sneaking food...hiding it, storing it away for later. At first I believe it was out of boredom, but it later became an aide to my severe anxiety. As a kid I would grab handfuls of chips or stuff Oreos into my pockets. I got a sick thrill out of sneaking food. I have a very distinct memory of opening the fridge one night and stuffing my mouth with leftover almond boneless chicken, quickly ,so that no one would see me do it.
My issue with food got much worse when I started driving. I discovered the beautiful convienence of fast food restaurants. I would order the largest order of chicken fingers and fries I could before parties and dances, and on most days after school for my "snack". Another favorite treat for me at that time was pop tarts. Don't ask me why, because they are disgusting, but I could eat a whole box. If my parents were gone for an evening, it was a free for all. Id devour cartons of ice cream or make myself two whole chicken pot pies. They caught on, and we'd talk about it often. My dad would take me to the grocery store to pick out healthy foods. But it seemed the more they tried to help, the more I resisted and rebelled.
College life became straight up dangerous, because along with all of the eating, I was adding alcohol into the mix. A lot of alcohol. I don't like to talk about those days now, but they were bad. And soon my body began to turn on me. I was tired all of the time, lethargic, and was constantly feeling "under the weather".
The food addiction did not really slow down until I moved out of my parents house in February 2011. And even then, it did not totally stop. I would still swing by mcdonalds or Wendy's on my way home from work, or have a night alone where I would tear through an entire pizza and bottle of wine by myself.
I ate because I didn't care about myself. I knew it wasn't healthy, but i continued to sabotage myself.
I can tell you now with confidence and glee that I have broken my food addiction. The last time I ate a whole pizza by myself was last January, after my ex boyfriend Derrick and I had gotten into a fight. If I eat fast food it's a kids meal with apples instead of fries or a chicken sandwich without the bun. I no longer sneak food. There aren't a million wrappers under my bed. But just because I don't give in does not mean the temptation is not there. It's there every moment of every day. Driving home from work is one of my biggest challenges. I pass the Wendy's and Dairy Queen that used to be my frequent stops. Now I just keep driving. I grip the wheel so tight and just focus On the road ahead of me, reminding myself of all the healthy food I have to cook at home. After youth group on Sunday nights I so, so badly want to take leftover pizza and eat the whole box on the way home.
But I don't. I distract myself by praying or calling a family member. I learned to cook to give myself a project, so that I know exactly what I'm eating and feel both proud and satisfied.
It's certainly not easy. But it can be done. I can push past the temptation. I can overcome addiction. I can be happy, healthy, and proud of my body.
It was difficult for me to write this, and I considered leaving it unpublished. But I am taking a risk and letting you all into a little glimpse of my life that was hidden for so long. If you or someone you know is struggling with an addiction or eating disorder, please seek help. You are worthy of love and of a healthy life.
"Single On Christmas" seems to be a hot blog topic. I know, I know. I'm not single. But I can still talk about it.
Because for most of my life, I have been single on Christmas. In fact, this is the first year I have had a special guy. I didn't even have a high school boyfriend who stole his mom's money to buy me a necklace. I never got to come home from college with a boyfriend to show off to my friends and family. And my early twenties have not been spent on wondering if my boyfriend would get down on one knee and hand me a little box. I've never had any of that.
So I get it. I get how hard Christmas can be when you are single. Everyone is asking you about it, throwing out match.com suggestions and analyzing your every move to figure out why you're single.
Here's the thing: you being single is not a problem that needs to be solved. It is not a disease that needs to be cured. There is nothing wrong with it, and do not let anyone tell you otherwise or make you feel otherwise. (Easier said then done, I realize). Yes, it can make you feel a little sad and lonely, but it is simply where you are in life right now.
You can have a little self pity. But don't stretch it all season long. Take a few moments, hours, heck even a day, to just let yourself feel sorry for yourself. If that includes watching Netflix all day in your sweatpants while eating chocolate, go ahead. If it means stalking your friends facebook accounts and laughing at their cheesy holiday photos, go for it. But don't get stuck in the self pity cycle. Get up, wipe your hands clean, and put yourself out there.
Being single on Christmas is not the absolute worst thing to happen. I promise. It stings a little, but you can make it through. Focus instead on the things you DO have. A job. Family. Friends. God. People that love you and want absolutely nothing but the best for you.
Put on your best Christmas outfit and go have a happy holiday. While you may feel like love is missing in your life, realize that love is not always about having a significant other. Love surrounds you. Look for it, and it may surprise you.
I'd like to introduce you to Jill and Kate. These gals met in college, started writing songs and singing together as a duo. They also landed the job of being Kelly Clarkson's backup singers on her tours for several years. Recently, they put that to rest to focus on their own music. Over the past few years they've released four records, toured, spent time on mission trips. They write 100% of their own material. In sum, they are awesome.
In addition to being super talented song writers and singers, they have now jumped into the jewelrybusiness. They hand make bracelets and necklaces with lyrics or song titles. Every few weeks they update their Etsy store page with new items. They sell out fast, so fans have to be quick to grab what they want.
I browsed through their items last time they had a sale and chose the bracelet that reads "chasing storms". It is in reference to this song:
Here's the lyrics for those of you that like to read along:
You’re chasing storms You cannot fight Following the trail of lights Starting fires You touch the flames You’re burning up You don’t notice a thing
Cause you’re tired from chasing the wind And your feet can’t feel where they’ve already been Are you right back where you started again
It was all at your fingertips but you can’t feel it anymore You’re running past what you waited for And it’s knocking down your front door But you can’t hear it and you can’t feel it anymore
When everything is not enough You find your losses and count ‘em up You wanna get but you’ll never give So afraid to fight for it
But you’re out there running around And your eyes can’t see what they’ve already found Are you right back digging up that same old ground
It was all at your fingertips but you can’t feel it anymore You’re running past what you waited for And it’s knocking down your front door but you can’t hear it and you can’t feel it anymore
You may have just read those lyrics and thought "wow...that's sad". And well yeah...it is. Jill and Kate have said that the song was written for a friend who was going through a hard time, and the girls felt frustrated because they couldn't do anything about it.
Perhaps what Jill and Kate didn't know, when writing this song, was how much it would touch the hearts of their fans. Myself included. When I first heard this song I was overwhelmed with emotion. Jill and Kate did something beautiful, and brave, here. What they did was wrap up every feeling of sadness and anxiety and put it in a song. That's a hard thing to do. The lyrics touch on the fact that sometimes we KNOW the answer, but we can't accept that, and are too scared to try, so we settle and keep ourselves in the endless circle of anxiety.
Confession: That used to be me. In fact, this WAS me, when this song was released in 2010. So you can imagine how I felt when I first heard this song on their Songs on the 17th album. Goosebumps. Up until about three years ago, I would fall into these terrifyingly dark holes in life. I became almost zombie like. The real danger was that I didn't really care about myself enough to pull myself out of it or to accept the help that was being offered to me. I was, as the song title suggests, chasing storms.
So why would I get a bracelet that has the words chasing storms engraved on it? Not to remind me of the bad times, not to proudly display hey, look at me! I have issues! But rather, I wear it to remind myself where I came from. That I am SO FAR from being that person. That those times made me stronger. That I have moved past the storms, and that I am worthy of love and of loving myself enough to pull through those hard times.
I have learned that the hard times don't really stop. Things happen in life that bring you down. You can't sit there and say that life is happy, 100% of the time. That'd be a lie. But how you deal with it, how you react, makes all the difference. Always have hope, and know that no matter what life is throwing at you, you can, and will, survive. Muster up every ounce of strength you have and take a step forward, leave the mess behind.
So thank you, Jill and Kate, for writing that beautiful song. A song that means something, a song that defines and explains something so difficult for many of us. And thank you for making that bracelet. It tells my story.
I have never worn Abercrombie. I always thought the whole idea of that store was sexist. Plus, I'm not the kind of girl who wanted to spend $40 on a t shirt. So don't worry, I've stayed far far away from your little store. Which is what you want, since I am a "fat chick".
Let's talk about what you said though, shall we?
“In every school there are the cool and popular kids, and then there are the not-so-cool kids,” he told the site. “Candidly, we go after the cool kids. We go after the attractive all-American kid with a great attitude and a lot of friends. A lot of people don’t belong [in our clothes], and they can’t belong. Are we exclusionary? Absolutely. Those companies that are in trouble are trying to target everybody: young, old, fat, skinny. But then you become totally vanilla. You don’t alienate anybody, but you don’t excite anybody, either,” he told Salon.
Well sir, guess what? Even though I'm a "fat chick", I was also a pretty freaking awesome kid. I had a ton of friends and I was on student council. I had, and still do have, a great attitude- or are fat chicks incapable of having a great attitude, too?
You're right. I don't belong in your clothes. I don't WANT to belong in your clothes.
Your hatred for "Fat Chicks" is actually kind of amusing. You act like we have a disease or something, and if we dare even look at your clothes they will burn.
Another quote- “He doesn’t want larger people shopping in his store, he wants thin and beautiful people,” Lewis said. “He doesn’t want his core customers to see people who aren’t as hot as them wearing his clothing. People who wear his clothing should feel like they’re one of the ‘cool kids.’”
Apparently you don't know this, but big girls can be beautiful, too. You're just afraid to see that and to admit that. Society tells you thin is beautiful, so that's what you believe and what you are preaching. Sir, you've got it wrong.
In an age where kids are killing themselves left and right over bullying, are you proud of yourself for being so cruel? For picking and choosing who can shop in your store? No fat chicks allowed, but hefty male athletes pass the test, because they are considered "all american". You are an adult. Your job is to STOP the hate, stop bullying, be a GOOD example to our kids. But instead you are spewing out hate, simply because you have decided that fat chicks can't be cool, and therefore they can't wear your clothes.
So, Mike, good luck to you and your little store. I'm gonna be over here, being the cool kid that I am.
And to the rest of the world, do what you want and buy clothes wherever you please, just stop words of hate from leaving your lips. That's all I really care about.
I know people will read this and call me bitter and I may even get some hate myself for being overweight. And to you I say: Hi, I'm Megan. I know I'm overweight, so you don't need to point it out. Am I 100% happy with my body and myself? No. Is anyone? But I sure do know that I'm a much better person than Mike Jefferies.
First of all I just want to thank everyone read and shared my last blog. At 92 views it was one of my most read entries, and although I'm not quite sure how that happened, I thank you.
I wanted to talk about comparison, and how it can be deadly. We are constantly trying to get ahead of one another, win the race, own the spotlight, be the best. It's exhausting, unnecessary, and unhealthy. We base success off of the people around us, what they are doing, how we measure up to them.
Social media like facebook and twitter makes this so easy. I know I'm not alone in this: how many of you have read a facebook status or looked at a picture and thought something like "I wish I could look like that". Or "Or there goes so and so again, getting everything they want". Or, the other side of things "At least I didn't turn out like THAT". Neither are particularly healthy.
I am totally guilty of comparing myself to others, either thinking I'm above them or beating myself up for being below them. And I've grasped the concept that it's not about the other person. It's about me. We did not need to match the lives of those around us, we need to be happy with where we are right now. Because unhappiness is what leads to the vicious cycle of nasty comparison.
This is something I've said before but I will say it again and again: each of us are here on this earth for a very unique reason. Everybody has a story. Respect yourself and respect others around you by living your life by living honestly and staying true to yourself. And when good things happen to people around you, instead of comparing, be happy for them.
To help myself remember to chill out when I begin comparing myself to others, I've written a little mantra:
It doesn't matter. I am me, and I am where I need to be. I am loved by God and do not need to compare myself to _________.
Totally switching gears here, but I am ecstatic to announce that Dave and Katie, two of my community members from my year with Mercy Volunteer Corps, are returning to Detroit. Soon. July 16th. I cannot wait to welcome them back to the city where they first fell in love, the city that they call home.
Let's have a pact to have a great, positive week and to stop comparing ourselves to others. <3
Most of us cannot even imagine the life of a musician. Day in and day out, they are writing, recording, touring, planning, creating, meeting and greeting, etc. I know they asked for that life, but that doesn't mean the pressure can't get to them. They feel pressure from their fans to be this perfect person the fans have in their mind, pressure from their managers/producers to create something amazing that will sell, pressure from other artists they are competing against. At some point, they aren't even living for themselves.
Mix that in with addiction, and you have a full on disaster. Addiction is scary, tragic disease. It is not a choice. The decision to try drugs, have a few drinks? that's choice. But when you can no longer function as a human being without substances, you aren't you anymore. The drugs and alcohol have taken over the body and the mind. You feel trapped, you hate yourself. And you see no way out. Hope is diminished.
It is terribly sad that we've lost Amy Winehouse. She was a talented young woman who inspired millions, including Adele and Lady Gaga. Amy joins the 27 club. It's scary, it's sad. I cringe when I see jokes about it, because addiction is no joke, and certainly death is no joke either. I wish she could have gotten help. I wish someone would have touched her life enough to turn it around. I know she must have been in some very dark times to feel that low and helpless that she was killing herself with drugs and alcohol. My heart hurts for that, and for the millions of other people in this world who are not the help that they need.
We can't let this keep happening. We need to spread awareness about addiction, we need to spread awareness about hope. Don't give up.
I also just want to say- addiction is not always in the form of drugs/alcohol. You can be addicted to food, self hate, cutting, internet, gambling, etc. Anything that takes over your life, so that you are no longer living your life in a healthy way. Or, you are trying to get rid of other feelings (guilt, depression, anxiety) by fully indulging in things that fill you up in that moment..and soon you just cannot live without that one thing. That's dangerous. No matter what it is you are addicted to, it's dangerous. Filling your life with friends, family, God, are so much more worth while.
Rest in peace, Amy. Thank you for giving us the gift of music. We are blessed because of it.
I'm about to get real cheesy on you guys...just hear me out.
When I was a little kid, I LOVED the story "The Ugly Duckling". I got it. I understood the meaning, the moral. That little ugly duckling who was mocked and ridiculed by his little duck neighbors, forced to spend a lonely, cold, miserable winter all by himself, and then, turned into a beautiful swan, more beautiful than any other swan. Even as a kid, I knew what that meant- don't judge a book by it's cover, love and accept others and yourself.
The Ugly Ducking is one of those stories that everyone can relate too. I'm sure, at one point or another, each of us have felt like the Ugly Duckling. Maybe because of other people's nasty words, maybe our perceptions of ourselves. Heck some of us battle this every single day. Some of us are constantly labeling ourselves as "The Ugly Duckling". I know I'm guilty. Among my friends I've always, always been "the big girl". When I was in middle and high school I hated going shopping with my friends because they could still wear the cute little junior sizes, and I couldn't. It's taken me a long time to accept myself, and some days I still struggle. But I am too the point where I can work on it (I aim to work out 3-4 days a week and eat healthier. Some days are better than others) and be happy. We compare ourselves to others, beating our self worth into the ground. It has to stop. I grew up in a household where we were taught "let's build each other up, not tear each other down". If only everyone lived their life this way. How peaceful and loving our world would be if we didn't judge others so harshly. Do not dare judge someone by the way they look. Who are you to do such a thing? Our hearts, our thoughts and our actions tell so much more than our face or body.
Love yourself. Do not let anyone call you an Ugly Ducking. Find that beauty inside. Be proud of who you are! Make a list of all the things you love about yourself, and say it out loud. You are worth it. You are beautiful...and you, my friend, are no Ugly Duckling.
