A Thank You to Mercy.

To the Mercy Administration;

During Lent I take time to write letters of gratitude to people in my life who have, in one way or another, made an impact on my life. Today, on International Women’s Day, I wanted to thank the time to write to you. I am who I am today because of my four years at Mercy High School.

I graduated from Mercy in 2005- I know that there have been many changes since then. There are new staff, new uniform guidelines, new classes, and certainly new technology. But I am both hopeful and confident that the spirit of Mercy is the same as it always has been. What is the spirit of Mercy High School? In my eyes, it is one that is gentle yet powerful, encouraging and persistent, faith filled and compassionate. Those are all the words that I think of when I think of the staff and faculty at Mercy.

Being a student at Mercy taught me that women can be leaders, athletes, scientists, writers, artists. Mercy taught me to be accepting of everyone, and to lift up and encourage our peers rather than drag them down. Mercy taught me that faith is more than just sitting in a church pew, and Mercy taught me the power of connections. Mercy taught me to dig deeper, to explore further and to reach higher. Mercy taught me that I am very capable of accomplishing what I set my mind to, and that when I get stuck, all I need to do is ask. Mercy taught me about friendship, about honesty, and about embracing the life we have been given.

I truly believe that I am a stronger, more confident woman because of my four years at Mercy. The faculty and staff embrace their students in a way that I think is fairly rare. When I struggled in math class, Mrs. Kowalski gently guided me. When I was lost and needed a place to belong, Mrs. MacLennan and the pastoral team welcomed me with open arms. When I discovered my love for writing and became hungry for more, Miss Desmond and Mr. Schusterbaur challenged me. When I was shy and eager to break out of my shell, Mrs. Rozman taught me the importance of just being me. The list goes on and on. Each and every teacher at Mercy was instrumental in helping me to become the person that I am today.

I will forever hold a place in my heart for Mercy, and for all that each of you do to make sure that every student knows their true value. Because of my experience at Mercy, I went on to become a member of the Mercy Volunteer Corps (’09-’10), and, three years ago, became an Associate of the Sisters of Mercy. My goal is to spread the message of Catherine McAuley and of Mercy in my work and amongst my family and friends. Thank you for giving me something to be proud of, thank you for giving me a gift that I will cherish for the rest of my life.

Best of luck to all of you, as you continue to do great work and impact girls like me.

In Mercy

As most of you recall, in November 2012 I became an Associate of the Sister's of Mercy. I spent a great deal of time writing about it, and explaining my desire to make that commitment. Mercy continues to be a part of my life, and throughout the last few years I have spent time at different Mercy events, supporting the Mercy Volunteer Corps and Mercy High School.

However, in the last year I would say my participation was down. There are many things I attribute to my absence. First, my weight loss journey. When I decided it was time to become healthy, I knew that I had to make it my number one priority. That's just the way it had to be for this to work. As a result, I lost a few friends along the way, and broke some previous commitments. Some may say that is selfish, but it was something that had to be done. And something that needs to continue. I am not finished yet. I still have a ways to go on my journey.

Secondly was my dad's diagnosis. That happened in September of last year and although he has been okay, I did take a step back from many of my obligations so that I could spend more time with my family. I realized over the last year just how important family is, and I truly made it a point to put them at the top of my list.

Third was the transition between jobs. At my old job I was often sick, and sad, and did not feel much up to doing anything. My new job has been fantastic, but still an adjustment. I work a lot of nights and some weekends, so figuring out my new job and role have been a big part of my life.

Fourth is having a boyfriend. While that may seem silly, Tom is one of the most important people in my life and as our relationship grows, I want to spend more time with him and to have our time together.

The fifth reason is one I have only recently admitted to myself, and that is the loss of Sr. Mary Jo. She was my mentor, my friend, and my role model. Her actions and words alone are a huge reason why I became an associate in the first place. When she passed, it was almost as if a little part of my passion for Mercy passed with her. You'd think it would have fueled me, but instead I took a little step back. I missed her so much, and to know that I was not going to see her at events made me very sad.

I tell you all of those things merely to explain why I maybe have not been as active with Mercy as I thought I would be when I became an associate. Perhaps they are just excuses, but I felt like I had to put them out there- maybe more for myself.

Anyways, this last weekend, I attended the annual Associate Retreat. I almost did not go. Since I had been absent so much, I almost felt like I shouldn't go- like I was not one of the "regulars" and that I wouldn't fit in. But, several had made the personal invitation, and I went for it. I am not sure what I was expecting- perhaps your typical spiritual retreat. But what I got was so much more than that. Over the weekend we spent our time discussing leadership. Specifically, leadership in Mercy. This was perfect, as it is something I personally have not thought much about, and had we not had this retreat I probably still would not be thinking about it. But having an entire weekend focusing on that allowed me to feel that passion for Mercy all over again. My mind was going a mile a minute with ideas I wanted to share, stories to tell, people to talk with. I am usually very quiet on retreats, as someone who is shy and nervous. But this time, I felt like I had so much to say that I was jumping in quite a bit. I was so energized by the openness of the other associates and the Sisters who joined us that I was bouncing off the wall.

I needed this weekend, mentally. I needed to step away from those five things that I mentioned up above and just to bring myself back to Mercy. After all, Mercy is what formed me. Mercy is in everything that I do. I forget that, sometimes, but I know that the very core of who I am as a person was built through my experiences at Mercy High School and as a Mercy Volunteer Corps member.

So where do I go from here? Now that I have had this fantastic retreat and energized my love for all things Mercy, how do I live it? I've got a couple of ideas. I have suggestions to forward on to the leadership team. I have ways to show my support of the Sisters- I plan on visiting the elderly Sisters twice a month. I have plans to invite fellow Associates over for a potluck. There are ways. Now I just need to do them. I can't go crazy. I can't be attending workshops and parties and conferences every week. But I can live Mercy in all that I do...and invite others to join me.

may you always have enough peace and love

At least once a week, the topic of me doing a year of service comes up in conversation. Either I'm talking about a Sister of Mercy, a roommate, a student I taught, or a restaurant I loved in Downtown Detroit.

I've written about Mercy Volunteer Corps numerous times on this blog, and blogged about it while I was serving.

But last night, after telling my mom that I had picked up the new group form the airport and got them settled into their house, she asked me "and why did they choose to do a year of service?". Her question took me off guard. My (along with my former roommates Dave and Nate) conversation with the three ladies was more about where they are from and where they will be working, plus giving them tips and tricks to living in Detroit. But I failed to really ask them what their motivation was for being here, for deciding to go this route. I can sort of piece together why, based on our conversation, but we didn't go deep into that topic.

And it's probably the most important topic.

Like anything, you get out of MVC what you want to put into it. So your motivation for committing to doing a year of volunteer work, living in a city you don't know with people you've never met, and making only $100 a month- is pretty darn important.

Then I started to think- shoot. Why did I do a year of service? And here is how my thought process went after that.

Usually when people ask me that, I give my blanket answer. I was getting ready to graduate from college. I couldn't find a job. I was googling something at 4 am in regards to Mercy and found Mercy Volunteer Corps. It sounded like a good idea. I liked Mercy, I liked volunteering. Sounded great to me.

And that did actually happen, but why did I actually decide YES, let's do this. I had other options. I could have moved back home with Mom and Dad and spent my summer searching for a job. My uncle had offered for me to come down to Tennessee and stay with them for a while, look for jobs in Nashville (my dream city) and help with his kids. I could have found a few part time jobs in my college town while I looked for a "real job" and stayed on the west side of the state. But something made me apply to Mercy Volunteer Corps instead. And a few months later, there I was at orientation, meeting my roommates for the first time.

I was the first and only Mercy Volunteer to be placed in their hometown. I rarely went downtown back then, though, and knew very little about Detroit. But the site where I wanted to work was in Detroit (Cristo Rey High School), and so I ended up there. With my parents just 30 minutes away.

All of this was fate. For some reason I applied. For some reason I was placed in Detroit. My year with MVC was probably the best year of my life. It's hard to explain what happens to a person when they are living a simple lifestyle, have three amazing roommates and are surrounded by compassionate, loving people. But it sure changes you. Some of my coworkers now will complain about their young adult children, and my go to answer is "they should do a year of service". Seriously. It should be like a requirement. Because it changes you. But only if you want to be changed. You have to be open to change, to seeing new things.

And maybe that, my friends, is why I chose to do it. Maybe I was ready for a change. I had spent my four years of college struggling- with anxiety, food issues, drinking, fighting with "friends", etc. I think I was looking for a change, something to ground me again and make me see the world a little brighter.

MVC exceeded my expectations. The program changed me, that's for darn sure. I had a better relationship with both myself and God when the year wrapped up. I pushed myself outside of my comfort zone. I took my spirituality seriously. I learned how to save and how to live simply. But most importantly, I think that's the year that taught me to love. To love myself and to love life. To give love and how to show love.

Thank you, Mercy Volunteer Corps, for not only changing my life, but for continuing to change others.

To the newbies: Welcome to Detroit. It's a beautiful city, despite what you hear on the news. Give us a chance, jump right in. Embrace the new experiences.  May you learn to love.

PS: The blog title for this post is taken from the song Peace and Love by Blessid Union of Souls, which reminds me much of my year with MVC.

Catherine McAuley'sSuscipe

"Today is the beginning of a new week, and so we pray Catherine McAuley's Suscipe". I heard this every Monday morning for four years.

Mercy High School is sponsored by the Sisters of Mercy, founded by Catherine McAuley. And I was lucky enough to be a student there. It shaped who I am today. I loved every moment of high school and I wouldn't change a thing.

I've been out of high school for 8 years now, but I am still very much connected to Mercy and the Sisters. I am a former Mercy Volunteer Corps member and an associate to the Sisters of Mercy.

A tradition I have kept? I say the suscipe every Monday morning. I have it on my desk, so really I can say it whenever I want, but I make sure to do it on Monday's.

My God, I am yours for time and eternity.

Teach me to cast myself entirely

into the arms of your loving providence

with the most lively, unlimited confidence

in your compassionate, tender pity.

Grant me, O most merciful Redeemer,

That whatever you ordain or permit

may be acceptable to me.

Take from my heart all painful anxiety;

suffer nothing to sadden me but sin,

nothing to delight me but the hope

of coming to the possession of you,

My God and my All, in your

everlasting kingdom.

 

Even though I heard these words every Monday for four years, I still get chills when I read this out loud. The words are so beautiful and so meaningful. Nearly every time I read it, something new pops out at me. It gives me so much to think about, to be grateful for, and to hope for.  It is one of my "go to's" when I am in need of comfort and peace, and of just knowing that I am not alone.

Say the prayer out loud, slowly. Then repeat it. Give each word a thought. I can almost guarantee something will jump out at you.

The prayer is so clearly stating that our lives our gifts from God. We are called to build a relationship with Him, to trust in His plan and to know that He will bring us through the challenges that we face.

"Take from my heart all painful anxiety" is my mantra. On my worst days struggling with anxiety, I say this over and over again. It is almost comforting to know that Catherine felt the same way. Since I hope to model my life after her and her good works, it's like I have a friend in my journey. God does not abandon us in our darkest times.



 

 

 

 

 



 

 





hey little fighter, things will get brighter

Interesting weekend, to say the least.

I spent a good portion of my day yesterday at Mercy Center. This year's group of Mercy Volunteers were there for their transition retreat. I am a MVC alum, and was invited to speak at their panel. It's an honor to be asked, I have so much respect for the staff from Mercy Volunteer Corps and obviously they thought I was capable of giving this year's group some advice.

It's just weird, though. In a good way. I did MVC in 09-10. That life seems so far away from me now. I go about my busy life now and sometimes just stop and say "remember that time I did a year of volunteer service?". Crazy, right?

For the most part, the guys and gals who participate in MVC are fresh out of college. There are usually a few expectations of people who are in between jobs or retired, but as I sat on the panel I was mostly looking at young faces. And I felt so old. I'm only 3 or 4 years older than them, so that statement is kind of ridiculous, but I did feel old.

I also could not help but be a little jealous of them. The year I devoted to volunteering was the best experience of my life. I came out of it a stronger, better person. And now they are in that position, and eagerly ready to take on the world and seeking new opportunities. Some will travel back home, some will stay in the city where they served, others will go off to grad school. It's such an exciting time in their lives. I didn't realize it then and I'm not sure they do either.

I talk about my experience with MVC all the time. I'd say it comes up in conversation at least five times on an average week. I'm either relating my experience with one of my hospice volunteers, talking about living in the city of Detroit, or proudly discussing the achievements of my old students. The thing about MVC or similar programs is that it stays with you forever. No matter how many years go by, it is a part of you.

So, I really hope I was able to give the "kids" some good advice. I know that they are nervous to end their year and overwhelmed with what is to come. I've been there. And I hope my words helped, even a little bit.

Pause...Sometime in between my panel at MVC and Saturday late afternoon, I developed a horrendous headache. I mean, worse than I've ever had before. Dizzy, shaky, blurred vision, etc. After a few rounds of medicine, my parents coming to pick me up, and drinking a whole lot of water, I am finally feeling a little better. I'm back at home now and taking it easy. Not quite sure what the cause of this headache is but I have some ideas. So I will continue taking my meds, drinking water and perhaps get checked out by a doctor tomorrow or Tuesday, just to be safe. Thanks to everyone who read about it on facebook/twitter and sent me well wishes.

Today, Sunday, Cristo Rey, the school where I worked as a Mercy Volunteer, had their second graduation ceremony since opening it's doors in 2008. The kids graduating were freshmen when I was there. They were, as I referred to them, "my babies". I was on the school website today and looked over the pictures of the senior class. I almost cried just thinking about them. It's been so long, and yet I can still see them as 14 year olds, asking me for help with their study skills or for more chicken nuggets in the cafeteria. Even just thinking about it now is making me emotional. I had such a strong tie to those kids. They trusted me and I loved to hear their stories. And now they are big kids, leaving for college. Many of them will be the first in their family to go to college. And they probably don't remember me, but I will never forget them. I am incredibly proud of them for all they have accomplished so far.

So yes, a surreal weekend full of tears, nostalgia, and a massive headache.  I'm trying to get excited for the week. Trying to make some changes in my life for my health. Trying to remember that I am the most important person in my life and that I don't need to put so much pressure on myself to make everyone around me happy. I need to focus on me for a while.

Hugs and kisses to all of you.

"you're doing WHAT?"

November 2nd is a really big day for me. It's the day I make my commitment as an associate for the Sisters of Mercy. I have been preparing for this for about a year, doing different readings, being mentored by the amazing Sr. Karen, going to spiritual direction. Just soaking up all things Mercy and preparing to make it official, to say to the Sisters "I am ready to walk this journey with you as your companion and friend". 

I realize that a lot of you have no idea what this really means. But to me, its one of the most important things I've ever done in my life, and it will be one of my proudest moments.

I am going to answer some of the questions I've been getting about this whole process.

What exactly is an associate?

Per the website, An associate member of the Sisters of Mercy is a woman or man who agrees to share the Mercy community life and mission in the tradition of Catherine McAuley through ministry, prayer, study, retreats, celebrations and bonds of friendship. Joined together, Associates and Sisters of Mercy strive to support one another through prayer, participation in community life, and service to those with whom they live and work.

Why are you doing this?

Think of the place that you love the most, where you feel the most comfortable and are the most at peace and at home. For me, I have two places. One is my parents house, and the second is 11 mile and middlebelt.  Mercy's campus. Mercy is a part of me. I went to a Mercy High School where I was deeply influenced by our president, Sr Regina. She was so gentle and sweet, and took the opportunity to actually know and care about the students. I saw how much good she did, I saw how genuine she was in each action and interaction. Then I did a year of volunteer service through Mercy Volunteer Corps, where I not only was revitalized in my spirituality but I was surrounded by Sisters of Mercy, who were, plain and simple, doing the work of Jesus Christ. And they did it with a smile on their face and opened the arms to everyone with whom they came in contact with. These women, these educated, dedicated, compassionate women, are so amazing. I brag about them all the time, talking about their accomplishments and works of compassion. I can't just talk about it as if I'm not a part of it, as if it's something I barely know anything about. Mercy is a part of me, it runs in my blood. To just walk away from that would be unjust. I belong there. And not only that, but I have a desire to be like those women. But since I also have a desire to be married and have children, I know becoming a sister is not for me. Being an associate gives me the opportunity to walk closely with these women, to pray with them, to encourage them as they encourage me. It is not only a promise but a bound relationship. Does that explain it well enough? I feel like I never can quite put it into words. I just. I just know that this is what I want to do.

Once you're an associate, what happens next?

That's a darn good question and one that I have spent the last few weeks discerning. To me being an associate is more than just showing up for an event every once in a while. It is truly being with the sisters in prayer and service (and also fun! those gals can have a good time!) There may be opportunities to put some of my gifts to use. For example, I am so very passionate about the importance and power of mentoring. I also (clearly) love the Sisters and think they have so much wisdom to offer. So I'd love for there to be more of a connect between the sisters and the students at the high school. We'll see where this journey takes me, what comes to me. 

So as I spend the next week and a 1/2 in the final preparation of my ceremony, I ask that you say a quick prayer. Ask me questions- I sometimes get frustrated because it's so hard to explain, but I like talking about it and about my passion for Mercy.

I love you all and I want you to know that if you are reading this, it is likely that you have played a huge role in my life and in my spirituality, and for that I am most grateful.

compare and contrast.

First of all I just want to thank everyone read and shared my last blog. At 92 views it was one of my most read entries, and although I'm not quite sure how that happened, I thank you.

 I wanted to talk about comparison, and how it can be deadly. We are constantly trying to get ahead of one another, win the race, own the spotlight, be the best. It's exhausting, unnecessary, and unhealthy. We base success off of the people around us, what they are doing, how we measure up to them.

Social media like facebook and twitter makes this so easy. I know I'm not alone in this: how many of you have read a facebook status or looked at a picture and thought something like "I wish I could look like that". Or "Or there goes so and so again, getting everything they want". Or, the other side of things "At least I didn't turn out like THAT". Neither are particularly healthy.

I am totally guilty of comparing myself to others, either thinking I'm above them or beating myself up for being below them. And I've grasped the concept that it's not about the other person. It's about me. We did not need to match the lives of those around us, we need to be happy with where we are right now. Because unhappiness is what leads to the vicious cycle of nasty comparison.

This is something I've said before but I will say it again and again: each of us are here on this earth for a very unique reason. Everybody has a story. Respect yourself and respect others around you by living your life by living honestly and staying true to yourself. And when good things happen to people around you, instead of comparing, be happy for them.

To help myself remember to chill out when I begin comparing myself to others, I've written a little mantra:


It doesn't matter. I am me, and I am where I need to be. I am loved by God and do not need to compare myself to _________.

Totally switching gears here, but I am ecstatic to announce that Dave and Katie, two of my community members from my year with Mercy Volunteer Corps, are returning to Detroit. Soon. July 16th. I cannot wait to welcome them back to the city where they first fell in love, the city that they call home.

Let's have a pact to have a great, positive week and to stop comparing ourselves to others. <3

graduation

Well, they did it.

I cannot, I simply cannot, begin to adequately express my pride or glee that I have flowing inside of me right now. I really don't think you can understand until you've been there.

So let me try, and I do mean try, to paint you a picture.

Two years ago I walked into Detroit Cristo Rey High School as a Mercy Volunteer. My role? Serving lunch; peer mediation; monitoring study hall; teaching creative writing; teaching life skills. I was busy, but I was lucky, because I knew every single student. I didn't teach just one class or sit in an office. I was in every classroom, in the hallways, in the lunch room. I had conversations with every student. I heard some pretty heartbreaking stories. I got letters stuffed in my hands in between classes from students, particularly the girls, who just needed some advice. I worried about the kids, whether they were making the right decisions. I was, often, frustrated with them for not putting school first, for not always behaving themselves. All I really wanted was for them to succeed, to defeat the odds. To grow into being good people.To  behave themselves, and to treat each other and themselves kindly.

Today, I saw that all of those things have come true for them. No, they aren't perfect. Yes, they make mistakes. But all 46 of them were accepted to the college of their choice. You just don't see that happen anymore. I could sense how much they have grown, even just in the way they stood and carried themselves. They have really grown up, and grown into witty, polite, compassionate young people who will, no doubt, make a tremendous impact on this world.

The ceremony was wonderful. Hot, but wonderful. I cried a few times. Seeing Jasmine awarded the Fr. Foley award. Watching them get their diploma's. Talking to some of them outside and seeing their growth. But they were happy tears. Proud tears. I can't believe I was able to be a part of this tears.

Congratulations to Cristo Rey on having their first ever graduating class. and Congratulations to my babies. You did it. Now go, grow, learn, live, and love. Do not forget Cristo Rey.

<3

reflection

Let's talk about this weekend....

Saturday was jam packed. My day started at 730 am and ended at 8 pm. I had Sandcastles training from 8-12:30. It was a good day in training, we were able to share a bit on where we are in regards to our own grief journeys. It was cool to know that although we've all had different experiences with loss, what remains the same is that we are deeply affected by it in one way or another. And it's nice to know that we can have those conversations, even if it's not "the norm". We also talked a lot about reflection as a communication skill, which is ironic considering that's what most of this weekend has been for me.

I scooted out of training early to had to the McCauley Center. I had been asked back in February by the staff at Mercy Volunteer Corps if I would be willing to speak to this years group of volunteers at their transition retreat. I gleefully accepted, and over the past few months have been sort of discerning what to say to them. I very clearly remember my own "transition". I was nervous, I had no plan, and I was truly greiving the loss of my community. So I was very happy to be able to be there for the volunteers this year and help put their minds at ease a little bit. I was nervous upon arriving at McCauley. I am not much of a public speaker and have not seen the MVC staff since the fall of 2011. Plus, while I sort of kind of knew the Detroit group this year, most of the volunteers were total strangers. But I have to say, once I started talking, I was put completly at ease. I answered questions about how to include spirituality, simplicity, and community in your life after mvc, how to discern where to go next, how to say goodbye...I tried to be as honest as possible with the group. My goal was to let them know that it IS hard but also to give them the confidence that a door will open for them- it may not be tomorrow , it may be a year from now, but something good will happen to them. I used the word patience a lot, and honesty- patience with yourself, honesty about your feelings with yourself. I really hope I was able to help even just a little bit.

The MVC staff was so. incredibly. helpful to me during my applciation process when I initially signed up to do the year of service, and their support during my year was just incredible. As I mentioned I have not seen them since the fall of 2011. So when I got to see them and hug them today, I felt so overwhelmingly happy about it.  And after I gave me talk? I was near tears when Marian, the executive director of the program, hugged me tight and said she could not believe how much I have grown since I first started my MVC journey.

The second I got home from my evening out I e-mailed the staff and thanked them for allowing me to join the retreat today. This was what I said:
Thank you, thank you, thank you for allowing me the opportunity to speak with the '11-'12 volunteers on their transition retreat. It was one of the coolest things I have ever done and it gave me a whole new sense of positive energy. I loved to be able to reflect on some of my experiences and share them with the group. I want you to know that MVC has given me so much more than I ever could have imagined. I meant to share this with the group but forgot- this year for Christmas  I decided to donate to charities that fit the interest of my family members instead of giving Christmas gifts. I knew immediately which charity to pick for each of my family members, except my dad. So I asked him what he thought he wanted. His response was "Mercy Volunteer Corps, so that more people can have the same experience you did". I will always hold a special place in my heart for the program and the people I met through it. Please note that I will do what I can to continue to support MVC in any way you need it. 

Also on Saturday evening I got to have dinner with Bridget. Bridget did MVC in Philly the year I did it in Detroit, and then she did a second year in Detroit. We have similar values and outlooks on life and even had very similar MVC experiences, so we've stayed in touch. I haven't seen her since she left Detroit last summer, so it was wonderful to catch up.

I guess my point in writing this blog, besides to share with you my weekend so far, is to just say this: everything happens for a reason. I don't know what possessed me to google "jobs with mercy" at 4 in the morning in April 2009, but something did, and I stumbled on Mercy Volunteer Corps. I don't know why MVC allowed me to be the first ever applicant to be placed in their hometown, but they did, and I had the best year of my life. And I certainly don't know why I am working for a hospice as a volunteer coordinator when my plans were to work with at risk youth. But here I am. Everything has found it's place. Every person I have met and every experience I have had has shaped me into the person I am today. So, just know that you have a purpose, and life will lead you down many many different roads. Hold on tight, be open, and enjoy every moment.

I'm going to end this here and post a part two tomorrow. Tomorrow is Cristo Rey's graduation. The first ever graduation for them. 100% of the senior class was accepted to college. These kids were sophomores when I had them. Now, they are getting ready to be sent off.  I am ecstatic for them, proud of them, and ready for lots of tears.