Tuesday, February 2, 2010

lead me, guide me

I haven't been sleeping very well lately...I think it's the weather. Plus, I've made some poor food choices the past few days that probably screwed me up. Tomorrow, I'm starting the Daniel Fast (http://danielfast.wordpress.com/daniel-fast-food-list/) to refocus myself on eating right.

Dave led a beautiful spirituality night for us last night. We did a contemplation/reflection on what we'll do after this year. I still feel a little uneasy and nervous, but hopeful and sure of my trust in God. I'm for sure going to be spending more time reflecting and praying.

I've actually thought a lot about renewing my year of service and sticking at Cristo Rey as a Mercy Volunteer for another year. There's pros and cons...I'd be with my kids for another year and gain more experience. I would want to develop more counseling and give the lunch program to someone else, so that I can maybe teach a life skills class or set up a campus ministry department, where I could have the kids do service hours and retreats. However, I know people want me to start making real money...even though I'm actually very content living off $100 a month, I know it's not "the norm" and people are judgmental about it. Plus, I'm fairly confident I wouldn't be nearly as lucky as I was this year with roommates. My main apprehension is the reaction of others, which I know shouldn't be my main concern. The deadline to renew is approaching...quickly. Trust me, I've been applying for jobs. I've been declined quite a few for lack of experience, which is bull.

Grad school applications are in, just waiting on my recommendation letters...but to be honest, I don't even know what I want to do, so the pressure of grad school really makes me antsy.

What I want more than anything is to move to Nashville, get a good job working with youth, and write songs. I feel like this would make me the happiest....I refuse to move there without finding a job first. I'm constantly looking and applying.

Sigh. I don't want anyone to tell me what do do, but I wish my heart was a little more clear. I know I have to do whats best for me, but right now I don't know what that is.

Love you guys- have a great Tuesday.


Jessica said... Add Reply

you're such an awesome person, i have no doubt in my mind that you will find some job that will make you happy. don't worry about what other people will say about your choices in life, because as long as you're happy, and feel like you're making a difference, everyone else can kick rocks.
love, jbizz. lol

babz019 said... Add Reply

You need not worry about what others think of you but what your heart and mind tell you is best for you. Remember your gut will never lead you astray..except for mine who sometimes leads me to chocolate shakes :-) (which is then where my mind kicks in and says no)