You Come Back To What You Need

As most of you know, last week myself and my family were dealing with the news that one of the spots in my dad's brain showed significant growth. We found out late Tuesday afternoon. Over the next few days, all of us pondered what direction this would go. We really only had two options: steroids or surgery. Steroids once through my dad into a psychosis, and not one of us ever want to deal with that again. He's also already had two brain surgeries- how many brain surgeries can a man have?

Apparently, three. Or more, maybe. Because on May 6th, my dad will have his third brain surgery to remove yet another growth. The neurosurgeon says the spot is an easy one, and that the surgery should be a breeze. So that's a relief. Kind of.

It's still brain surgery. It's still his THIRD brain surgery.

It's yet another "roadblock". It's another unpredictable next step. And it's scary.

While we were dealing with that news, and with decision making, I was having one of my busiest weeks at work. It was a good busy- a lot of exciting things were accomplished and I was able to build on some really strong relationships to set me up for some success later down the road. But it was pretty hard to enjoy all of that while worrying about my dad, and my mom, and being mad at cancer and scared and annoyed AND trying to "stay positive" because Lord knows that's what everyone would tell me to do.

One more layer to add so that you can get an idea of how my brain was feeling by the end of the week: I'm also moving in a month. Moving can be stressful on anyone. But my move is a big change. Tom and I are going to be living together. Trust me, he and I are both incredibly excited and giddy over this, but we're also both scared. Neither of us have lived with a significant other before, and personally I never thought I would live with someone until I married them. But, somehow, our course has led us here, to this next step. And if you know me at all, you know I'm scared of next steps. Any next step. Anything that is unknown or new to me, terrifies me.

So it's no surprise to me that over the weekend, I slept... a lot. My entire body was feeling the exhaustion. I slept in, let the couch consume me, and went to bed before the sun was down. I needed sleep. Or maybe, I needed to shut down my brain. Either way, I slept a lot.

On Sunday evening, I took a walk. I was feeling completely overwhelmed with the thought of starting a new week (yet another busy week at that). I was wanting the weekend to go on forever.

At some point during my walk, "This Love" by Taylor Swift started playing. I love some T Swift, and that song, but for whatever reason, hearing it on Sunday night just brought out a lot of emotion in me. The calm, whimsical melody brought out a peace in me. Something about it reminded me that I am right where I need to be, and that although times are stressful and unknown and chaotic, it's all going to be okay. I don't really know HOW I got that message, it's not exactly the message of the song, but in that moment, that is how I interpreted it, and that is what brought me peace.

The song says that she let a love go, and then it came back to her. I guess somehow I related this to my relationship with God. Sometimes I run away from God, or put up a wall, or lose trust in God. But God always comes back. That trust comes back.

I'm sharing my story with you because I know there are people out there who are feeling chaotic, messy, scared, and maybe hopeless. But let me remind you that you are where you are meant to be, life is happening as it should, and you are not acting alone. God is by your side.

Are We Out of the Woods?

With every doctor appointment, scan, or test, comes anxiety. We worry that there will be new growth, or that the medicine has stopped working, or that the cancer has spread to another area of the body. The worry is inevitable. As much as we try to stay positive, or to believe that everything will be okay, we can't help but feel anxiety. This is cancer we're dealing with, here. It's unpredictable.

This past week we heard the kind of news we don't like to hear. The bad news? It's swelling in his brain. The good news? It's not a tumor. We have to balance being grateful for that while standing together to decide how we will treat the swelling. We also have to keep a close eye on him for the next 8 weeks, because if he shows any sign of confusion or sleepiness, it means the spot has continued to grow and we need to take action sooner. Our options? Low dose steroids or surgery. Neither option are great, this man does not handle steroids well (they threw him into a psychosis that lasted a month) and he's already had two brain surgeries.

And then there is the lungs. There is a spot that is growing, which means it is resisting the medication he is on. He will be tested to see if he is eligible for a new medication. If he's not, he will have to go through radiation therapy on his lungs.

As I was processing all the news last night, I couldn't help but think of a Taylor Swift song. Are we out of the woods? Although that song is about a relationship, that same question applies here.  Just when we think we're in the clear, something else pops up that we have to battle. There is no "clearing" in sight, just a constant path of twists and turns.

The good news is that we stand together in this, and push each other to keep going, to ask for direction when we are lost and to encourage each other. The even better news is that we have so many people around us, sending their prayers and well wishes, letting us grab their hand when we need someone else to lean on.

In September 2014, our lives were totally changed when we learned of the initial diagnosis. In February of 2016, we've learned that the changes just keep coming. We can't be fully prepared for them, we just have to hang on and push forward.

I know I've blogged about this before. But the biggest lesson I can share with anyone who stumbles on this is this: appreciate life and the small moments as much as you can. Do not stress about little things, let go of grudges, forgive. Do not wait until cancer or another illness becomes a part of your life. Love the people around you loudly NOW, and cherish the wonderful gifts you have been given.

"Without Music, Life Would Be A Mistake"

I get as excited for the Grammy Awards the way most people get excited about the Superbowl. It is my favorite night of television as it brings artists from all the genres together to honor music. Last night I went into the Grammy Awards feeling excited- some of my favorites were going to be performing, and I was curious who would win each category. The overall show was a little bit of a let down, and today I come to you to review and dissect- while staying kind, because as I've talked about in the past, nothing bothers me more than unnecessary hate.

The Awards

Over the years, the Grammy's has become less about the awards and more about the performances. Almost all of the awards are actually given out prior to the live show. There are tons of categories for music's biggest night, here I just highlight a few. 

Best Musical Theater Album

My Pick: Hamilton

Winner: Hamilton

If you haven't heard about Hamilton, it's about time that you do. Hamilton is a broadway musical, hip hop style, written about Alexander Hamilton. The cast is rich in diversity, as is the music. I urge you to go listen to the soundtrack on Spotify. You may just find yourself hooked into the craze.

Best Country Album

My Pick: Traveller, Chris Stapleton

Winner: Traveller, Chris Stapleton

I first heard about Chris Stapelton when he and Justin Timberlake performed a duet at the CMA Awards. I was intrigued, so I headed to my reliable source of Spotify to check it out...and I fell in love. It was my favorite Country album released this year, and overall one of my favorite albums. Chris has a raspy, gritty tone and a pure love for soulful country music. It's not like most country albums released these days- and I think that's probably a good thing.

Best Rap Album

My Pick: To Pimp A Butterfly, Kendrick Lamar

Winner: To Pimp A Butterfly, Kendrick Lamar

I own three of the five albums that were nominated for this award (Nicki Minaj and Drake being the other two). I love all three. But Kendrick's album is just so...fascinating. He raps about real issues, he is an advocate for black rights and for black lives matter, his music MEANS something and he puts his heart and soul into his words and his art. There are plenty of people who won't "get" Kendrick, but there are also plenty that do.

Best Pop Vocal Album

My Pick: Taylor Swift, 1989 OR Kelly Clarkson, Piece by Piece.

Winner: Taylor Swift, 1989

This was a tough call for me because Kelly Clarkson was also up for this award. I would have been elated for either one who took home this award. Vocally, Kelly crushes it over Taylor. They are both solid album with gems and magical moments.

Best New Artist

My Pick: Tori Kelly

Winner: Meghan Trainor

Tori was my pick because of her incredible vocals. I urge you to go give her a listen. She will give you chills. But Meghan has been able to rise to the top of the charts more than once, and she was certainly deserving of this title.

Song of the Year

My Pick: Blank Space, Taylor Swift

Winner: Thinking Out Loud, Ed Sheeran

Other than Girl Crush, I loved every song in this category. The first time I heard Thinking Out Loud I cried like a baby, and Tom and I both have it stashed aside as a possible- one day- wedding song. But we need to talk about Blank Space, because that song is killer. When midnight struck on the day 1989 was released, I was most excited about the song Blank Space. I kept going back to it. I loved the concept and the sound and the little lyrical jabs. Then I read why Taylor wrote the song:

I think as a song writer you have to be pretty well aware of who you are as a person, then I think you also have to have one eye on what people think of you. What the general perception is of you out in the world. In the last couple years I've noticed there's been a pretty sensational fictionalization of my personal life. To the point where it's sort of like 'Wow, that too?' They've kind of drawn up this profile of this girl who is a serial dater, jet setting around with all her boyfriends, she can get 'em but she can't keep 'em because she's too emotional and she's needy. Then she gets her heart broken because they leave and she's jilted so she goes to her evil liar and writes songs about it for revenge. 

So, Taylor basically wrote the song as a "if this is who you think I am, let's write about that". I loved that! It's such a fantastic song.

Record of the Year

My Pick: Uptown Funk, Mark Ronson and Bruno Mars

Winner: Uptown Funk, Mark Ronson and Bruno Mars

Like the previous category, I was a fan of every nomination here. Uptown Funk, though....it's been on the radio for one year and 3 months, and I have YET to get sick of it. It's. So. Damn. Catchy. And good. and rich. And fun. And perfect. And I will continue to love it, no matter how many times it is played.

Album of the Year

My Pick:

Winner: 1989, Taylor Swift

I didn't have a pick here, because again, I loved all of the albums nominated. I think Taylor gets the crown here for a few reasons: 1. The ultra, mega success of 1989. I haven't done all of my research here but I'm almost certain 1989 outsold the other albums nominated...by a lot. 2. Her ability to make the official "jump" from Country to Pop and still remain incredibly relevant, crush it on the charts and earn incredible reviews. 3. The songs on 1989 are quality tunes. Unlike some pop albums, 1989 has deep content. 

The Performances

Taylor Swift, Out of The Woods

Out of the Woods is one of the weaker songs off 1989 for me. That being said, she managed to bring the song to life in a beautiful, almost haunting way on stage. I loved that she repeated the bridge of the song, and I love that she sang it with powerful vocals. 

Bonus: Adele singing along to every word in the crowd. 

Bonus 2: Jack Antonoff playing guitar! Jack is one of the masterminds behind the 1989 album, He's also part of the band Fun,. The Bleachers, and co wrote the song Brave with Sara Bareilles. I'm a big fan of Jack's work and loved seeing him as part of the performance.

Carrie Underwood and Sam Hunt, Take Your Time/Heartbeat

These are two very attractive country stars. But this duet simply didn't work. Sam Hunt has some catchy tunes, but his "bro country" vibe didn't mash with Carrie's sweet, romantic song. Carrie's vocals were stunning as always. 

The Weekend, Can't Feel My Face/In The Night

I love The Weekend and I love his album- I was glad that it won a few awards last night. I also love his genuine vocals, that he just went up there and sang. Vocally, it was one of the better performances of the night.

Andra Day and Ellie Goulding, Rise Up/Love Me Like You Do

Prior to last night's performance I wasn't sure who Andra Day was. This morning, I went straight to Spotify to get a dose of her music. That should tell you how captivated I was by her gorgeous vocals. Ellie is one of my favorite artists, and I thought she sounded great last night. Together, they had a beautiful performance.

John Legend, Demi Lovato, Meghan Trainor, Luke Bryan, Tyrese, and Lionel Richie for a Lionel Richie Tribute

What a random group, right? What a BEAUTIFUL group, right? John Legend and Demi Lovato stole this performance for me, they both sang beautifully. Demi really put her entire soul into that "Hello" performance. I loved how much Lionel Richie loved it! This was a fun performance, a great tribute to a wonderful artist...and this is the performance where I turned to Tom and said "THIS is why I love the Grammy's!" bringing artists of all different genres together! 

Bonus: Many glimpses of Bruno Mars dancing :)

Little Big Town, Girl Crush

The vocals here were stunning.  It seems everyone loved "Girl Crush" this year. And when I first heard it, I thought it was a pretty song with strong vocals from the gals in Little Big Town. But then I really listened to the words, and I just couldn't get behind the song. It's not a sexy song about having an actual "girl crush". The lyrics are actually saying "I want to be this girl because you love her and I want you to love me". I'm sorry, but am I the only one who finds that to be a little creepy? I do think the vocals are beautiful, though.

Stevie Wonder and Pentatonix, That's The Way of the World

What a combo! The accapella styling of Pentatonix with Stevie wonder really worked here. It was quick, but it was real (just their voices, no big to do), and it was really lovely.

Hamilton Cast, Hamilton

I was excited that the Grammy's took time to honor Hamilton and show us a performance- I've been listening to it so much it was cool to actually see it live. Great voices here, fun song, wonderful musical.

Jackson Browne and The Eagles, Take It Easy

Not much to say here- it's a great song, and they did it well, even after all these years. 

Tori Kelly and James Bay, Let It Go and Hollow

Just two talented singers with their instruments singing two beautiful songs. Tori's vocals are incredible. James doesn't quite match up, but I enjoy his songs and his smooth voice.

Kendrick Lamar, Blacker The Berry/Alright

This performance was intense, but powerful. Both of these songs speak to the struggles that blacks face in today's culture. They are IMPORTANT songs. His performance was equally important, using visuals to really drive his point home. 

Adele, All I Ask

This is my favorite Adele song off her latest album. I was so excited to hear her perform it live! But, tragically, there was some major sound issues here. Something was way off. Adele later tweeted that it was the piano mic, it fell onto the strings. It sounded awful- like a bad guitar. It also affected Adele's singing. I'm about to say something I never in my life thought I would say, but Adele was off pitch. I know, I didn't think it was possible either. I can't blame the girl, that awful sound glitch must have thrown her off horribly. I think she should get a re-do. But at least we know that she IS human. I still love her, and this song.

Bonus: Bruno Mars introduced the performance. Bruno also co wrote this song.

Justin Bieber, Love Yourself/Where R U Now

I wish this kid wasn't such a tool because I actually do like his music, and I thought he delivered a solid performance last night. It's just so hard to root for him. 

Lady Gaga, David Bowie Tribute

Gaga was the PERFECT choice for this tribute. While some may have just gone up there and sang a few Bowie tunes, Lady Gaga fully emersed herself into the character, and put on a SHOW. She was amazing! I loved her vocals, I loved her dance moves, I loved that she took on this tribute with PRIDE and joy. 

Chris Stapleton, Bonnie Raitt and Gary Clark, Jr, B.B King Tribute

These three were a perfect choice for such a soulful tribute. I went to bed before this happened, but I watched it today and was captivated by the vocals here. A lot of people don't know this about me but I actually spend a lot of my time listening to blues/soul type of music. I loved this, right up my alley.

Alabama Shakes, Don't Wanna Fight

As I just mentioned up above, I listen to a lot of blues music, and Alabama Shakes fits nicely into that category. Brittany Howard's voice is just unreal. Their music always makes me want to do a little groove.

Hollywood Vampires, Ace of Spades

I was so confused about this band. Tom and I kept kind of giggling whenever they were announced. Like- what? How random. I'm not into harder rock music, so I didn't love this.

BONUS THOUGHTS

Best Acceptance Speech: Taylor Swift, 1989 album win. She "responded" to Kanye West recently claiming that he was the reason she became famous, but she did it in a classy, empowering kind of way.

Who was robbed: I wish Kelly Clarkson would have won something, but I don't necessarily think she was robbed. I can't really think of anyone who was robbed. Plenty of people are upset that Taylor won over Kendrick Lamar. I think 1989 was pretty deserving. I do think the Foo Fighters were a little robbed.

Someone I discovered: Andra Day.

What was most upsetting: Adele's sound issues causing some major problems.

Who needs to release another album asap: Bruno Mars, Bruno Mars, and Bruno Mars. 

One more thing: As much as I love pop music, I listen to a slew of other genres. Hip Hop, R&B, Country, Blues, Indie, Alternative, Broadway...the list goes on and on. As much as a lot of my favorite artists were honored tonight, there's so many more I love that will likely never be part of the Grammy's. That's something I like about myself, that I don't just stick to one genre or only know "popular" music. That's also something I love TO DO, is to discover new music or to find out what others listen to. Right now I'm listening to a lot of Ron Pope. Go check him out!

WHEW. What a night, right? Tell me, what were your favorite moments?

Best Cover Songs of 2015

Okay, this isn't on my usual roundup of "end of the year" posts, and my music posts tend to be the least popular, but I've seen a couple of other folks do this, and I wanted to chime in. So here are some really great cover songs that were put out this year.

10. Jessie J, Stay With Me (Sam Smith)

I absolutely love Jessie J and I love this song! She rocked this.

9. Michael Castro, Thinking Out Loud (Ed Sheeran)

There were thousands of Ed Sheeran covers floating around the Internet, but Michael's soulful, raw cover really hit me.

8. Lennon and Maisy, Boom Clap (Charli XCX)

These lovely young ladies have more talent than I could ever dream of having.

7.  Sam Smith, Hotline Bling (Drake)

Only Sam Smith could take a Drake song and turn it into...well...this.

6. Ellie Goulding, Take Me To Church (Hozier)

Ellie is one of the most talented ladies in the game right now, and this cover was no different.

5. PostModern Jukebox Feat Haley Reinhart, Creep (Radiohead)

I love everything PMJ does, but this one was especially addicting.

4. I Prevail, Blank Space (Taylor Swift)

I'm not a typical punk music fan, but I can't tell you how many times I rocked out to this cover. It's fantastic.

3. Madison Lawrence, When We Were Young (Adele) 

Honestly I could have put all of Madison's covers on this list. She's mega talented. But since Adele is fresh on everyone's mind, do yourself a favor and listen to her latest cover.

2. Ryan Adams, This Love (Taylor Swift)

Ryan Adams covered Taylor's entire 1989 album. I love each track, but this one is really special.

1. Kelly Clarkson, Better Have My Money (Rihanna)

Kelly is the cover queen. She covers a song every night on her tour. I was slightly addicted to this one, though.

Let me know what you think of these, and if you have any to add to the list!

Dear Taylor

Editors Note: Taylor Swift recently revealed that her mother has cancer. You can read a full article here: http://www.rollingstone.com/music/news/taylor-swifts-mom-diagnosed-with-cancer-20150409

Dear Taylor,
When my dad was first diagnosed with cancer, the hardest words for me to say out loud were "my dad has cancer". I didn't want it to be real, and each time I said it, it felt like another piece of my heart was breaking. I had to hold back tears every single time I said it. And I'm just me- a normal, 20 something year old girl in Michigan. So I applaud you for having the bravery to share your mom's diagnosis with the world.

Your mom's cancer journey is unique. Your reaction as a caregiver is unique. There is no comparing your story, or your mom, to anyone else. That is not my intent of this open letter. Although my dad  has cancer, I cannot feel what you feel, you cannot feel what I feel, my dad will have different experiences than your mom, and vice versa.

But your mom is now a survivor. And you are now a caregiver. And my heart goes out to both of you, as well as to your dad and your brother.

Although each story is different, and although I cannot predict what will happen in your case, I want to tell you a few things I have learned.

•  Everyone around you will react differently. Some may look at you with sad eyes and a frown...their voices will get quieter as they gently ask you how you are doing.  Others will carry on as if everything is normal. Some won't say anything at all. Some will send you random "check in" messages. Others will totally swoop in, prepare meals, do the dry cleaning, check the mail. LET THEM. 
• There will be times when you won't know what to say to your mom. Things like "it will be okay" and "stay strong" seem so cliche, but you won't have the words. That's okay. A simple tap, hug, or hand squeeze go a very long way.
• Give yourself time. The ups and downs can be exhausting. The fear of the unkown will be your worst enemy. It's okay to unplug, escape for a while. In your case, I recognize how near impossible this may be. Find the quiet moments when you can and use them to take care of yourself.
• It's okay to cry. It's okay to laugh. It's okay to punch someone- or something. I took up kickboxing during my dad's cancer journey and it's been one of the best decisions of my life.
• Ask questions. Get clarifications. Know the plan. Know that sometimes the plan changes.
• You are not alone. Sometimes it might feel like you are, even if you KNOW you aren't. Sometimes you won't care if other people are suffering because all you want is your mom to get better. That's not selfish. That's normal. This is your mom. 
• "Shake It Off" is one of the best songs to play on repeat after a long day of doctor appointments and tears. Trust me. 
• As gut wrenching as some days can be, when you begin to live your life to the fullest, the world becomes even more beautiful.

A lot of people are going to tell you to "be brave" or "be strong" or "be positive". I'm just gonna tell you to be you. Whatever emotion you feel, be it, and don't apologize. You have permission to feel. You've already shown us how brave you are- by letting us hear the songs you write, by taking risks in your music, by sharing your mom's diagnosis with us. It's okay to break down. It does not make you weak. It doesn't mean you are giving up. It simply means you are human. And if there is anything I know about you, Taylor, it's that you undoubtedly love humans and our interaction with one another. 

It's been 1 year, 6 months. and 21 days since my dad was diagnosed with cancer. There have been bumps in the road along with moments of victory and celebrating. Each doctor appointment brings on waves of anxiety. But each moment I get with my dad is special, and I treat it as as such. This cancer thing thinks that it can just come in and tear us apart, but it can't. No matter what, it will not break us. We just keep on moving. We'll kick cancer's ass, together.

My family sends our love right to your family. 

Love, Megan

Say A Little Prayer For You

This story happened a few weeks ago, but I decided to wait until after the A-Z challenge was over to share it on my blog. Enjoy.

 

It was just a normal day at work. I had music softly playing in the background while I tackled my To Do list one item at a time. But then my personal phone started buzzing. A co worker's name popped up on the screen. For a split second I though about not answering it. Not that I didn't love chatting with her, but I was in the middle of entering a report. But then I figured if she was calling my personal phone, something may be wrong.

I'm so glad I answered that call. On the other side of the line was my friend's voice. Shaken. Panicked. In Fear. A member of her family was in the middle of surgery and my friend was worried they weren't going to make it through. I could hear her voice cracking as she asked me to pray. She then admitted she's never asked anyone to pray for her before...but she didn't know what else to do.

After offering her as much comfort as I could, I hung up, took a deep breath, and prayed. And then looked online for "surgery" prayers, changed the words to one and sent it to her in an e-mail. I also asked two of my other coworkers, both spiritual people, to pray with me.

For the next hour or so I prayed for my friend and her family. An hour later, she sent me a message that her family member was out of surgery and doing okay. Relief.

I share this story to tell you that sometimes we need each other. And it's okay to ask for help, and for prayers. I keep thinking what if my friend had not called me? She would have let it stew inside her brain and her nerves would have been totally shot. But she felt comfortable enough coming to me and saying "I need help". I was proud of her. That takes courage. It's not always easy to reach out to your friends when you need them.

I take my role as a Christian pretty seriously. When someone asks me to pray for them, I do my very best to make it a point to actually pray for them. It's what we are called to do. And you don't even need someone to ASK. You know how sometimes, someone will just randomly come to your mind? Take that as an opportunity to pray for them, or send them positive vibes. They don't have to know that you did it...but you'll know. It's a reminder that we are all connected for a very special reason, and that our duty is to be here for one another.

I wish you all a very happy, blessed weekend. My best friend, a coworker and her best friend, and myself are headed to the Taylor Swift Concert tomorrow night. We are going all out, because, well, why not? So if you see 4 gals in their late 20's decked out in red and glitter, that's us.

2013 Grammy Awards

I get giddy and excited about the Grammy Awards the way most people do about the Superbowl. It is my favorite night of television. I love to see music being celebrated and my favorite artists being honored for their work.

The past few years have been a little disappointing- but last night was one of the best Grammy nights I can ever remember. It was full of GOOD music. And when I say good I mean real, raw music. Less gimmicks and less auto tune and more instruments and raw voices. It made me so happy to hear strong singers, singing songs that THEY wrote, without much of a spectacle. Let me break it down this way...

The Performances

Taylor Swift
Taylor kicked off the night with an Alice In Wonderland-esque performance of her hit "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together". It was fun, creative and energetic. She looked confident and sassy, especially when delivering the line "So he calls me up and he's like 'I still love you" with a British accent, clearly mocking her ex Harry Styles. Immature? Maybe. Awesome? Yes. Way to go Tay Tay.

Elton John and Ed Sheeran
When I heard that they were performing together, I was a bit skeptical. They proved me wrong. It was a perfect pairing. "A Team" is a fabulous song all by itself, but Ed proved not only can he sing the hell out of it live, but he can harmonize with Sir Elton John. Pretty impressive.

Fun.
Fun. performed my favorite song off their album, "Carry On". They are a great band- Nate did not sound his absolute best last night, but they get major props for the rain on stage and just the fact that they are real artists who write their own music and play instruments.

Miranda Lambert and Dierks Bentley
This was really the only performance of the night that I could have done without. Miranda is gorgeous, and that "Over You" song is flawless, but together they didn't sound too great.

Miguel and Wiz Khalifa
Kelly Clarkson said it best when she said "Miguel I don't know who you are but that was the sexiest damn thing I've ever seen". I don't know him either, but wow that boy can sing! It made me want to know who he is and go check out his music. And Wiz is Wiz.

Mumford and Sons
One of my very favorite bands, Mumford and Sons performed their banjo heavy hit "I Will Wait". I was rocking out just as hard as Taylor Swift was- how can you not? It's a catchy tune and those boys can sing. Once again, it's refreshing to have people who actually write and play their own music.  Probably my favorite performance of the night, honestly, besides Kelly. Duh.

Justin Timberlake
I can't properly dissect this performance because I'm still trying to catch my breath from giggling, fangirling, and dancing. All I have to say is #morejt , please. Now. But seriously, this was amazing, I like how he is doing the old school thing even though Bruno Mars has already beat him to it, and if there was ever a doubt, I assure you he definatley brought sexy back.

Alicia Keys and Maroon 5
Or shall I saw- Alicia Keys and Adam Levine. Seriously, does anyone else feel sorry for the rest of Maroon 5?  Anyways, "Daylight" was great, although Alicia out sang Adam on his own song. "Girl On Fire" is that one song that everyone is sick of hearing, but Alicia jamming on the drums was pretty awesome.

Rihanna and Mikky Ekko
Rihanna performed her song "Stay" which is pretty obviously about Chris Brown, right? It was a beautiful, emotional performance and Rih looked stunning. I like that song and the lyrics, but I hate her situation. It's like okay Rihanna we know you want him to stay. We get it. But the rest of us want him to leave. He's kind of a jerk. I will say I was pretty happy we got this side of Rihanna for once. Oh, and Mikky Ekko accompanied her so well. What a smooth voice.

The Black Keys
YES. They are fabulous and gritty and everything I love about a good song. Wonderful performance of "Lonely Boy". No other words here other than- they are GOOD.

Kelly Clarkson
At first I was a little sad because she wasn't performing "Stronger", which was nominated for a ton of awards last night, but her tribute to Patti Page and Carole King was FLAWLESS. She absolutely killed it. Her voice was strong. Really strong. And she always looks like she's barely even trying. Like she just opens her mouth and magic comes out. Fantastic.

Bob Marley Tribute with Bruno Mars, Sting, and Rihanna.
Except it wasn't really a Bob Marley tribute until the very end. But Bru Bru kicked things off with "Locked Out of Heaven" and sounded amazing as usual- I love his voice and the way he performs. Sting joined him on stage for "Walking on the Moon" and THEN Rihanna and Ziggy Marley come out for "Could You Be Love". The best part of this whole tribute, besides the amazing vocals and Bruno Marks shaking his hips like Shakria, were the cuts to the audience. EVERYONE was jammin- even Nicole Kidman. Such a fun performance.

The Lumineers
Is there anyone on this planet who doesn't love that sweet "Ho Hey" diddy? I love The Lumineers and was pulling for them to win Best New Artist. Cute song, cute band, good music. Enough said.

Jack White
I'm not a huge rock fan, but this was pretty amazing. That dude can sing in ways most people cannot even imagine. It got a little scary towards the end, but overall a solid performance.

Carrie Underwood
"Blown Away" is one of my favorite songs of the year. The lyrics and production of that tune are just amazing. And Carrie's voice is, obviously, amazing. She also sang "Two Black Cadillacs" while a laser light show was happening on her dress. I kept trying to guess what the shapes were. At one point I yelled "IS THAT A DRAGON?". Way to represent Idol, Carrie, and way to sing the hell out of those songs.

A Tribute to Levon Helm. Elton John, Zac Brown, T Bone Burnett, Mavis Staples, Mumford and Sons, Brittany Howard perform “The Weight” by The Band.
So Brittany Howard is a beast. That's what I learned last night. I have recently learned about her band Alabama Shakes and I very quickly become a fan. Her voice is incredible. Also, this tribute worked really well. It was pretty inspiring to see all those artists up there singing their hearts out.

Juanes
Although I don't know this dude or his stuff, I don't want to leave him out, because he performed this beautiful cover of Elton John's "Your Song"- some English, some Spanish. It was gorgeous. Props to you, Juanes!

Frank Ocean
So here's my thing with Frank Ocean. His songs are genius. Seriously. He takes metaphors and words and phrases and mashed them all together to write these beautiful, creative songs that will blow your mind if you're reading the lyrics. But as a live performer, his voice doesn't match up. Wonderful song, poor performance vocally.

The Awards (That I care About)

Best Country Album
My Pick: Zac Brown Band "Uncaged"
Winner: Zac Brown Band "Uncaged"
If you haven't jumped on the Zac Brown Band train yet, it's about time you do. These country boys have soul and talent for days.

Best Country Song
My Pick: Carrie Underwood "Blown Away"
Winner: Carrie Underwood "Blown Away"
Download. it. now.

Best Rap Album
My Pick: Drake "Take Care"
Winner: Drake "Take Care"
Okay, so maybe this was the only rap album of the ones nominated that I own, but it's darn good.

Pop Vocal Album
My Pick: Kelly Clarkson "Stronger"
Winner: Kelly Clarkson "Stronger"
I wish I could explain to you how happy I felt when she won. I screamed so loud my neighbors probably thought I was being robbed. That album is pop perfection, so it was so deserving of this award. And now we must talk about how adorable her acceptance speech was. First of all she hugged like everyone in the audience as she passed them, got stuck to Miranda Lambert, and then ran to the stage. It was clear she really didn't think she was going to win, either, but she's adorable and humble. I'm so proud.

Record Of The Year
My Pick: Kelly Clarkson "Stronger"
Winner: Gotye "Somebody I Used To Know"
I'm glad Gotye won for that song- it was everywhere, I still get excited when I hear it, and it's a terrific song. But I was pulling for my girl Kelly for producing everyone's anthem for 2012.

Song Of The Year
My Pick: Ed Sheeran "The A Team"
Winner: Fun "We Are Young"
I'm happy for Fun. and all the success they have gained with their new material, but A Team is such a beautiful, haunting song.

Best New Artist
My Pick: The Lumineers
Winner: Fun
I'm really happy for Fun (I keep saying that). But they have been around FOREVER. And by forever I mean 12 years, but still, a long time. They used to be called the Format and I have been listening to them since 2003. They made a few changes, swapped out some guys, became Fun, had their song featured on Glee and now they are EVERYWHERE and "new". I thought The Lumineers were more deserving of the "new" category. But oh well. I guess "new artist" never really means new.

Album Of The Year
My Pick: Mumford and Sons "Babel"
Winner: Mumford and Sons "Babel"
YES. YES. YES. They are so deserving of this award. Babel is a flawless album.

Sidenote....Arists who were rigged
Jason Mraz, Pink, and Alex Clare. Cmon. They had some darn good music this year. Where were their nominations?

Overall, a wonderful night for music. What were your favorite performances?

Also, here is the best acceptance speech ever...

http://www.buzzfeed.com/ericafutterman/kelly-clarkson-gives-most-adorable-grammys-acceptance-speech

Everyone else has an opinion, so here are mine.

There are two celebrities that seem to be getting a whole lot of hate over these past two weeks. And since everyone else has an opinion on them, I am going to give mine too. I realize I am only adding to our celebrity obsession by openly writing about this, but I've had these thoughts in my head all week and I just had to share them.

First up, Taylor Swift....
The girl breaks up with Harry Styles and we all know about it in seconds. Then the camera catches her making a bit of a stank face at the Golden Globes and suddenly she's the most hated artist in America. Let's chill out for a second. This is the girl who used to wear sundresses and cowboy boots and write songs about the teardrops on her guitar. But she's not really that girl anymore. At some point, she had to grow up. She's 23 now. She's going to do things we don't all agree with. The problem is that she is in the public eye, giving us the opportunity to rip those choices apart. I am totally, 100% in agreement that the girl needs to slow down. I personally think she has become obsessed with fame, and part of that fame means holding hands with another A lister. Do I think she's doing it for the songs? Sort of. But that's not really my business. I like her songs, so I guess that doesn't bother me to much. What upsets me more, I guess, is how much people just seem to HATE her. I don't get that. What, exactly, did she do to you? Because unless she personally insulted you, I really don't understand how you can be so mean about it. Taylor, keep doing your thang. Except, you know, maybe stay away from famous guys for a while. But if you don't that's your call, not mine,and I'm not going to hate you for it. And as far as that "look" at the Golden Globes goes, everyone should back off. The camera can catch us at any time. She's not going to write a song about Adele but she might write a song about how cruel we can be, picking apart celebrities for every single move they make.

And now...Manti Te'o
This one hits a little too close to home for many reasons. 1. My family are Notre Dame fanatics, and they love Manti. 2. I have dated online before and it is how I met my boyfriend. Except, you know, I've hung out with him in person...numerous times. BUT. I can see how people can fall in love online. I really can. When Derrick and I first started talking I picked apart his online profile, trying to figure out if he was the kind of guy I wanted to hang around. We talked online and via text for a solid week before we met. No phone calls. Just texts and emails. And although my story is much, much different than dear Manti, I kind of get it.

Another example from my own life are all my "American Idol friends". Some of my very best friends are from a little website called melindasbackups.com . We gathered there as Melinda fans, and we became friends. Now again, it's different, because I have met all of them, most of them I have met several times. But for the first six months or so that I was on the website, I didn't. I just talked to them online- via email, on message boards, and in chat rooms. They could have been fooling me that whole time and I would have had no idea. Luckily they weren't, and they are good, REAL people, but I became friends with them online way before I did in person.

That being said...I can see how this all happened. I don't think Manti was in on the hoax. I really don't. I think he fell for someone, very hard, online. He fell so hard that he didn't think twice about the no skype/no face to face meetings. I know that sounds crazy, I really do, but I also know that it happens all the time. I feel horrible for Manti. Most of the world is poking fun at him, and while I have laughed at a joke or two, I also cringe. Because if Manti were one of my friends, and this was happening to my friend, I wouldn't be angry at them or tear them apart. I would stand by them. So I can't be mad at Manti. Not that he and I are bff's, but I just can't. I feel horrible for him, actually. I imagine he is probably not sleeping well at night and that his days are anxiety filled. Some say he deserved it, that he lied. I don't agree.

I think we should all take the stance that my previously mentioned boyfriend took when he heard the news. "I'm just glad she didn't actually die". True. Maybe that's what we should be focusing on.  

While I'm on this rant, I also have to say that it perturbs me a little bit that Manti is getting most of the hate for this, instead of the dude who was pretending to be his girlfriend  There are Teo jokes everywhere you turn, and no one seems to be saying much about the other players in this little game. Just found that interesting...

I'm #teammanti here, folks. And I kind of want all the media hype to go away. Don't we have bigger problems in this world than figuring out a fake girlfriend situation? I'll admit when I first heard it I was shocked and a little intrigued, but now it's to the point where I'm ready to give it a rest.

The lesson in Manti's story? Don't trust people so easily. People will lie, for no good reason other than to get a sick pleasure out of it. If you get into an online relationship, and they don't want to skype or meet you, run. There's something wrong with that picture.

Just some Sunday night thoughts. Have a lovely week everybody!

20 somethings

This is dedicated to my fellow 20 somethings. Life for us is miserable and magical at the same time. Oh crap. That’s a Taylor Swift lyric. Don’t you hate how that 22 year old billionaire is always right?  But seriously. T Swizzle, you’re right again. It IS miserable and magical at the same time. 

We are pulled in a thousand different directions. We’re trying to figure it out. We’re trying to forget the mistakes we made in college. We’re trying to build our future. And everyone wants to know our plan. But we don’t have one. We can still laugh for hours at the silliest things but we can also cry at the drop of a hat. We wonder why everyone feels the need to mother us, and the next second we’re begging for someone to mother us. We’re praying that everything will fall into place, preferably before the ke$ha concert because we have 2nd row tickets and that’s the reason we put feathers in our hair. And most of all, we are looking for love. We are looking for our match, someone who has a decent job, doesn't live with mommy and daddy, and ::gasp:: actually treats us well. 

Also, don't you find it kind of ironic that we are supposed to be role models for the youngins' in our life? A coworker of mine wants me to meet her daughter and "knock some sense into her". My youth group kids recently discussed their worries about career goals. I was so amused by that. Here I sit at 25, no idea what I want to do with the rest of my life, and these 15 year olds are worried about it? Cripes! I try my best to be a role model to those kids. I know my life may not be exactly the ideal life, but at least I can teach them to be kind to one another.

It’s exhausting, huh?  Is there a solution? I don’t think so. I think we have to find what works best for us. And I think we just have to keep going and to live every day as if it is a new adventure. It’s kind of exciting, to see what surprises are in store for us.  We can do this. One freaking step at a time. 

Happy Birthday, Little King

"All I know is a simple name, and everything has changed......."

Those lyrics are taken from the new Taylor Swift/Ed Sheeran duet "Everything Has Changed". And while the song is meant to be a sweet love song, a song about finding someone new who changes everything, it works for today.

Because today, all I know is that a little 6lb, 1.3 oz boy named Ryan came into my life, and everything has changed. When I walked into my sister's hospital room and saw his face, I was so overwhelmed with love that I felt like I could melt right there. I've seen a lot of babies before, but no one has stolen my heart like this Little King. He's perfect in every single way. His arms are long, so he'll grow to be strong. His eyes are the perfect shade of blue, and when he opens them you can see that they are full of wonder and curiosity. His skin is this adorably perfect shade of pink. His hands reach out for the sky. His hair is sandy brown. He is gorgeous  And he's my nephew. I haven't stopped smiling since I first laid eyes on him.

So Happy Birthday, Ryan, you sweet boy. We are all so excited to have you here. I was ironing my pants for work when my phone rang. I threw the iron down, ran to get my phone, and saw it was your mommy. "You have a nephew" she said. "Ryan Michael". My stomach did a billion flips, I said a prayer of gratitude that you and mommy were healthy, and then I called into work. I had more important things to do- like meet you! Your Grandma and I went shopping, and then headed to the hospital. Oh Ryan, you are so perfect! There are so many people for you to meet, so many memories to be made. There are so many things I want to talk to you about. There are so many things I am dying to learn about you. But mostly, I'm just really glad you're here. October 30th. What a perfect day for you to choose to come into our lives. The air is cold and windy, and there are so many world disasters and traumas happening around us. But we have you now, our joyful little guy, to remind us of the important things in life. So, thank you for coming. I love you Ryan! Happy Birthday!

And to my sweet sister and brother in law, congratulations. I am so proud, so happy for you both. I know this has been a long road, but he is here now, and he is perfect. And you will be amazing parents. Get some rest, and know we are all surrounding you with love and peace.

World, meet Ryan.

major milestone.

I the fall of 2007; one of my best friends, Jess, introduced me to Taylor Swift's music. Her debut album had been released a year prior and she was  gaining attention for her songs "Tim McGraw" and "Teardrops on My Guitar". On first listen to one of her songs I immediatley went out and bought her album. I had never been a country fan, but that wasn't what drew (ha, swiftie pun) me to Taylor. It was her songwriting. The fact that she was a teenager and writing every single one of her songs really inspiried me. And they were GOOD. I admired how she just poured her heart out into those songs and had no intention of holding back.

Ever since the day I bought Taylor's first album I have been writing. I bought a leather journal and would sit in my college apartment, writing on scrap paper and then copying it into the journal. The very first "song" in there was from November 2007. A few months later, Taylor was playing a show at our college. Jess and I went, along with our friends Sam and Lauren. By some force of divine intervention, met Taylor. I brought my journal with me to that show and asked her to sign it. I will never forget the look on her face. She grabbed it and said "that is SO AWESOME". And then she said "Please fill that book up! Keep writing!"

Her signature on my book

It is now August 2012, and I just filled out the last page in that journal. I cannot tell you the absolute overwhelming emotion that I felt when I closed the book. Every single emotion that I have felt over the past six (almost!) years is held in that book.

I read through each and every single page last night and I wanted to share some of my thoughts.

There are 110 songs.

52 are about a personal relationship. Mostly boys, but some friends as well. There are seven boys that have more than three songs about them. There is one boy with 14 songs about him. He wins. Second place goes to the boy with 6 songs about him.
20 are personal stories about my transitions, memories,emotions/struggle with depression or anxiety. Most of these were written during times of change. Graduating, leaving mvc, trying to find a job.
15 are written based off a friends life/relationship/something I read in a book or heard in a song. Most of these are my favorites, actually.
10 are inspirational; meant to help others.
9 are written about a friend or someone who has inspired me. Most are titled after that person. The very first one I ever wrote falls under this category, and it is about Melinda Doolittle.
3 are about God.

There are many that have been shared over the years, some that have never been shared. I just want to post the last one I wrote, tonight. This one was really fun to write as I wanted to include everything. I also wanted to incorporate my favorite children's story, Peter Pan. So that's what I did. I hope you like it.

"Peter Pan" by Megan Carolin

ive years of memories
held together in a book
I wrote about the pain I felt
brought on by chemical imbalances
And how I felt trapped by demons
I won’t forge the dark times, they made me
stronger
Peter Pan told me
never say goodbye
that goodbye means forgetting
I’m saying goodbye but I’ll never forget
And I’ve gotta grow up
Unless I can spot the second star to the right
and fly away to neverland tonight
 I wrote about the first time I saw
you, and him, and that other guy
how my heart just couldn’t take it
and I fell too fast
I wrote about when he left
when he told me he’d never leave me
yet I haven’t seen him since
And I haven’t forgotten him
Peter Pan told me
never say goodbye
that goodbye means forgetting
I’m saying goodbye but I’ll never forget
And I’ve gotta grow up
Unless I can spot the second star to the right
and fly away to neverland tonight
I wrote about that summer
2008, when my best friend and I
have never felt so free
and all the music that changed our lives
And I wrote about the losses
Amanda and Laurence are forever on my heart
With their messages of hope and walk on
And they are never forgotten
Peter Pan told me
never say goodbye
that goodbye means forgetting
I’m saying goodbye but I’ll never forget
And I’ve gotta grow up
Unless I can spot the second star to the right
and fly away to neverland tonight
I wrote about the year my life changed
All thanks to a few teenagers with a dream
In a city with dead lights and lost hope
In a house with three beautiful folks
And I wrote about all the people
Who have saved my soul
And I’ll never forget
That they saved my soul
Peter Pan told me
never say goodbye
that goodbye means forgetting
I’m saying goodbye but I’ll never forget
And I’ve gotta grow up
Unless I can spot the second star to the right
and fly away to neverland tonight  
 I wrote about my future
And where I’ll go from here
Where will I go from here
As I lay five years to rest
As I say goodbye
But never forget
And grow up, but still live
Because to live
would be an awfully big adventure
-megan carolin; august 2012


As far as the Taylor connection goes, I continue to listen to her music daily, and she continues to inspire me. I often wonder how many people have asked her to sign their journals, if I was the first. I also despretly want to meet her again and show her that I finished it.

People sometimes ask me what I'll do with these songs. I don't know. I can't write or play music and I certainly cannot sing. But someone once told me "babygirl, someone's got to sing those songs". That someone is now the same person I refer to as Voldemort, but that statement was the only honest thing he ever said to me. Maybe I will send them somewhere. Maybe I will stalk Taylor or Kelly Clarkson until they read them and find one that they can record. I'm really not sure. For now, I am just going to read them over and over again and remember these past six years and all the growing up I have done.

To all the boys and friends who caused me pain, look at me now.

To all the beautiful people who inspired the happy songs, thank you for saving my soul.

To every single person who has read something I wrote; I love you, and thank you for supporting me.

To my writing inspirations: Taylor Swift; Kelly Clarkson; The Spill Canvas; Melinda Doolittle; Mandisa; NeverShoutNever; Ed Sheeran; Lady Antebellum; Crystal Bowersox; Gavin DeGraw; Jason Mraz; and Sara Barielles: Thousands and thousands of hugs to all of you for making music that gave me strength and power to keep going.

Muah.