Weight Loss Wednesday: Week 12

Well, since last week I have lost another three lbs, putting my total weight loss at 16 lbs! This is exciting! I cannot wait until I hit that 20 lb mark.

Last week, My "girl time" REALLY messed things up for me. It caused me to gain 5lbs overnight and those 5lbs did not go away until Mother Nature did- so frustrating. But I have to remind myself that it's nothing I did. What matters is I am still kicking butt, getting healthier, and on my way to my goal.

Sober September
I sort of feel like I didn't quite get an accurate idea of whether alcohol played a part in my weight loss or not since my period caused me to gain 5 lbs. (which, yes, I lost again, but my body did a lot of changing this month). I am going to continue on my Sober September trek until 9/28 (best friend's wedding). We'll see. HOWEVER, I will say, overall, I feel better without alcohol in my system. I don't get headaches, I feel better, and my skin is better and glowing.

Other Changes/Accomplishments/Findings

• I usually wear skirts to work in the summer, but last Friday I wore jeans for casual day. 3-4 coworkers noted that my butt looked smaller.
• Tom told me my back looks smaller. Which is probably a weird thing to observe, but I know what he means- it's more flat. Less fat. HA. #Rhymes
• I am trying to get rid of my upper arm fat by doing overhead weights. I have noticed a small change and will keep working at this.
• Tummy is slimmer
• Pants are big on me
• Bought a shirt a few months ago that was too tight at the time. Now it fits perfectly.
• Yesterday I had a really busy day and a presentation at noon. I always eat lunch at noon on the dot. So, I grabbed a bag of carrots with me on the road to the meeting and ate 5 of them, slowly. It helped hold me over until I got back to eat lunch at 2.
• I try to call my dad right after work to distract me on the way home. I know myself, and I know that I get bored driving, especially in traffic. So I call my dad, and he gets me almost all the way home with our chit chat and it stops me from grabbing chicken nuggets at Wendy's or a blizzard from Dairy Queen. Because before my weight loss journey, that's what I'd do. Grab a unhealthy snack on the way home and then eat dinner. I don't do that anymore, but I still have to distract myself so I won't!
• Today a girl at the gym who is also there every day and is super fit and thin said "I have to ask you- how much weight have you lost? I saw you working out up there and thought 'damn that girl looks good!".

Struggles

• I need to make sure I take my vitamin d. This may be one of my biggest issues. I forget to take it a lot. My levels are severely low, which can actually hurt weight loss. So, I need to make sure I take it every day. I now have a daily alarm on my phone to go off to remind me to take it. I'm going to take some notes in the next few weeks to see if it makes a difference or not.
• I'm hungry a lot. This is something that's only recently been an issue- like the past few days. I don't know what it is, but I can't get full. Obviously this could be sabotage so I am doing my best to figure out why I'm so hungry and to drink a ton of water. I've been putting lemons in my water, too. I have to find very low calorie snacks to pack during the day. Suggestions?
• I cannot seem to lose the weight in my lower tummy. It's gross because it's a little pooch. How do I get rid of this? I have been doing crunches!

EmotionallyI almost had a melt down on Friday night. It was a bad day at work anyways, my roommates were gone and I was waiting for Tom to get off work. All I wanted to do was order a large pizza all for myself and dip it in ranch. I held back, and ate a 150 calorie frozen personal pizza and salad. But the temptation was so severe I had to sit on my hands so I wouldn't order the large pizza from Jets.  It came out of nowhere. I wanted to just give up on my diet and "lifestyle change".  I thought about it all weekend and I realized: I'm scared. I am so scared that I won't be able to do this, that something will happen and I'll fail. And I really do not want that to happen. It's not about anyone else or how they'll feel, it's about me. I've been working so hard, and I can't give up now. I'm still in the beginning stages. Maybe I'm putting too much pressure on myself, but I have to remember that there is no timeline, I just have to keep going. I'm just scared that one of these days, my mind will trick me into believing I can't do it anymore and I'll just stop.

So that's why, I guess, I post so much about it on the Internet. My posts hold myself accountable. I can go back and read something I put and it pushes myself to keep going. To see the support I get from friends and family, it helps the fear go away. It gives me hope. And at this point, I need all the hope I can get.

So yes. My friends. I need some support/advice as far as the feeling hungry thing. How do I stop that? Or how do I help satisfy my tummy enough to the point where I don't sit here daydreaming of candy bars?

I think at this point I can honestly say that I need you guys. Yes I am doing this for myself and yes I am the only one that matters, but I need my friends and family to be there for encouragement. It's hard for me to admit that, but I do.

I hope you all have a good week, and I'll be back next week with another check in and some fall recipes.

Dear Mom....

It just so happens that today's Blogtember prompt is "Write a public love letter to someone in your life. (It doesn't necessarily need to be romantic.)"

It also happens to be my mom's birthday. I think you know what's coming.

Dear Mom,
Happy Birthday. I'm sure today is just like any other day for you. Your students will frustrate you and yet bring you joy, you and Dad will have dinner and you'll check papers. But it's not like any other day for me. It's my mom's birthday, and I am celebrating you and remembering how lucky I am to have you as my mom. You are the best, after all.

I love spending time with you. There are times I'd rather spend time with you and Dad than my own friends. You make me laugh and you give me the best advice. You're always looking out for me. You want me to be happy.

Sometimes I just sit and think how lucky I am to have you as a mom. You are one of my best friends and someone that I want to call right when I get out of work or when I'm leaving youth group or after a date. I want to fill you in on everything. I want to hear your opinion. I want you to be proud of me.

You are beautiful mom. On the outside and on the inside. You are beautiful because you care so much about people and want to help them. You find different quirks in your students and cater to them. You find a way to relate to everyone and help them to feel included and welcome.

I'll never forget you telling me that a parent once told you that you had hidden angel wings. I think that's the best description I can give about you. You really do. You fly to the rescue to get people what they need. That's an angel.

Your students are beyond blessed to have been able to sit in your classroom and hear your wisdom, your jokes, and get your guidance. For many, you were the "best teacher they ever had". I hear that all the time, from young students and older ones who remember how well you taught them. I hear it from parents who tell me you changed their child's life.

Duh. You certainly have shaped mine. A few months ago you and Dad may have even saved it when you convinced me to do something about my health. You have been supporting me nonstop through all of that and I appreciate it more than you will ever know.

I love you, Mom. Your hidden angel wings have swept me up more times than I can count.

Love, Megan


To the rest of the world, let me just show you a small collection of screencaps I've saved that showcase how much my mom makes me laugh.

She asks me silly questions...

She's sassy when I need her help.....

She calls auto correct "spell check"

 

And, probably my favorite thing, she trolls twitter during and after Notre Dame football games and sarcastically replies to haters. Here is she throwing in a sarcastic "LOL" to a UofM fan after their embarrassing win to Akron. My mom is just too cool.

Fall Out Boy

I am going to try to write this as best I can, but I'm not sure words can capture how I feel.

My brother has always been one of my best friends. As kids we were inseparable. As teens we fought, spent days/weeks not speaking, but at the end of the day, I loved him. I cared about him, and I admired him.

I have a very clear vision of the day he introduced me to Fall Out Boy. Their first album had just dropped. It was 2003. We were in our basement and we were both working on homework. We had this giant cd player/stereo in our basement that we used all the time. It was one of those that had several different slots for cd's , so we'd put a few in at a time and shuffle it. He put in Fall Out Boy and told me I should listen. Within seconds, I was absolutely hooked. I couldn't get enough. I'd play it in my car at all times, I knew every word to every song. I was obsessed.

Ever since that day in our basement, Fall Out Boy has held a special place in my heart. I remember another time my brother told me the reason he liked them- they were different, and they made music for kids who were, too. That made sense to me. I guess I always felt "different" because of my anxiety. I had a lot of friends, but I was also lonely. I think that's why I connected so well to their music. I got it. I knew what they were singing about. So did my brother. We didn't realize it at the time, but my brother and I bonded over that music because we both felt whole when we listened to it.

I think of my brother every single time I hear a Fall Out Boy song. Even their "new stuff" that he doesn't like as much because it's Top 40. It doesn't matter. I just need to hear their band name, a song, and I go back to that day in the basement.

I love Fall Out Boy because I love my brother, and they remind me of him. I love Fall Out Boy because they speak, loudly, for what they believe in.

Last night, my best friend Sam gave me the opportunity to live in their music for a night. She won tickets through a radio contest. We got to got to a private meet and greet during the day and even though Patrick Stump (lead singer) wasn't there, we got to meet the rest of the band. It was so surreal. To be standing next to the dudes that have been a major part of my life for 11 years.

We got to go to the concert in a suite. I've never done that, and this was the best concert to do it for. I enjoyed every moment of it. I felt my heart beating faster when Fall Out Boy took the stage, and through the whole concert I was just nodding my head, tapping my feet, and smiling. When they'd do an older tune I felt a rush of emotion through my body. When they sang a new song I found myself discovering new lyrics to fall in love with.

There was about 10-15 minutes of pure joy during the show, though. It was when things got a little quiet. The band covered Drake's "Hold On We're Going Home" and then went into their own song "What A Catch, Donnie", via piano which is my favorite version of the song, which is one of my favorite Fall Out Boy songs. Some of the lyrics include "I've got troubled thoughts and a self esteem to match". For the longest time, that simple phrase summed up my own emotions. Back then I had a really hard time describing what I was dealing with to people, and when I heard that song it was like -yes. That's how I feel. Also during this set they brought Brendan from Panic! At the Disco out to sing "20 Dollar Nose Bleed", a song that he guest vocals on in the original version. It was cool to see it live- they ended with the line "have you ever wanted to disappear". The lights went out, and the band quite literally disappeared. They reappeared on a smaller stage at the back of the arena (closer to us), where they performed two acoustic songs. The first was "Me and You", and the second was "Grand Theft Autumn/Where Is Your Boy". That's when I lost it. That's a song from their first album, a song that I absolutely adore, probably my favorite song. I immediately reached for my phone to call my brother so he could hear it. I had to stop tears from falling because I was brought back to being 15 and in my basement. It was perfect.

The show was amazing, and I was truly in my element. I  couldn't help but notice how young the fans were. Everyone seemed to be between the ages of 15-19. At first, I had a hard time with that. These kids were babies when the band first came out. I couldn't imagine how they could possibly appreciate the music. But then I saw them singing along to the songs- every song, even the old ones. And I realized that Fall Out Boy is gaining a new generation of fans. That these teenagers are hearing them for the first time and googling, youtubing, buying the stuff on ITunes. That made me happy. Maybe I'm "too old" for Fall Out Boy. Maybe I've outgrown it. Maybe I don't need them anymore as much as I used to. But these kids do. And I'm happy that someone is there for them and that when they get lonely and sad and feel different, they can turn on Fall Out Boy and feel accepted. That's the point, after all. My brother taught me that.

Thank you to my brother for bringing this music into my life.

Thank you Sam for being an amazing best friend and winning these tickets so that I could have a beautiful night. Thank you 98.7 Amp Radio for this opportunity and for the wonderful suite.

And thank you Fall Out Boy for being in my life for the past 11 years and for making the music the world needs to hear.

Self Portrait

Today's Blogtember prompt is to do a self portrait.

When I think about self portrait,  I think drawing. So that's what I'm gonna do. Fun fact about Megan: I can't draw. Like, at all. I never learned, never had the patience. I barely got by in art class in elementary/middle school and never had an art class in high school. So don't laugh at my picture below. Okay, you can laugh.

That being said....

C'est moi. Kinda.

Here's the me, in true form:

That picture was taken just a few days ago when I was trying to see if my face is smaller with my weight loss.

In high school, I had some extra off periods so I was asked to model for the art class so they could paint me. It was an hour every few days, and I had to sit perfectly still with four of my school mates staring at me. But I got paid $25 a week for it, so it was worth it at the time for extra gas money. The best one was hung in the hallways of Mercy for a good few months. Freaked me out a few times when I'd walk out of the bathroom and see my face.

And when I did my year of service, my community member Katie quickly drew a picture of the four of us on a dry erase board that was incredibly accurate.  I am the one with the ponytail, obviously.

 

Can you do a self portrait? Has anyone ever drawn a great picture of you?