Sunday, September 23, 2018


Tom and I took getting married seriously. For us, it was never about the party, or the dress, or the food. It was about promising to be there for one another, for the rest of our lives. I'm so glad we had (and still have) that mindset, because our first year of marriage certainly put us to the test.

Marriage isn't easy. I know this. I know that every single married couple has ups and downs that they must get through together. So I am not claiming that Tom and I are unique, or that what we faced is harder that what other married couples endure.

I'm just saying it was difficult. 

It was not difficult to love one another, support each other, to be there for each other.

But it was hard that I spent the first 5 months of our marriage in and out of our home, spending most of my time caring for my dad as he was dying. And then I spent the next half of our first year in a deep grief, with waves of anxiety and depression taking me under every so often. It was also hard that just when I felt like I was starting to get a grip on things, and feel really confident about our future, that we had a shake up with Tom losing his job. He found another one quickly, and we will get back on track to where we were, but those two weeks brought back another sucker punch of anxiety. 

Of course, there were so many moments of light amongst all of this. The sense of relief I feel around Tom is one that I cannot describe. He gently pulls me back when I start to step too far. He is my safety net.

I'm not sure what the next year, 10 years, 40 years (you get it) will bring. More challenges, I'm sure. But I know that we can tackle them, because I see what we did in just one year. I know that we can come out stronger. But I'm also sure there will be adventures, and new beginnings, and excitement. And in between both the heavy and the light, there will be the boring nights where we sit on the couch and watch Youtube videos. Because you need those boring, quiet moments to balance it all out.

We've had a messy, beautiful first year. We've had enough tears to fill an ocean. But we've made it, and we've been step by step with each other, in a crooked, not quite perfect stride. 

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