Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Almost 80.

when I told my dad I was just three pounds away from losing 80 lbs, he truly looked... Amazed. 80 is a big number. And although I am not QUITE at 80, I'm still shocked to hear that number come out of my mouth.

My dad then told me that it is quite evident how much happier I am now. He wondered outloud if it was the new job, or Tom, or the weight loss... Or perhaps a combination of all three. 

Personally, I believe my happiness is a result of the fact that I no longer depend on food to MAKE me happy. Previously, if I was down in the dumps, lonely, or angry, I would eat to feel better. But what I was eating- fast food and other high fat foods- were only making me worse. They made me tired, cranky, and lethargic. Which led to further unhappiness.

I love my job but I also believe I am performing better at my job because I am healthier. At my old job I was constantly sick. I haven't been sick once with ACS....and the job itself is actually probably more stressful. I am just healthier and able to take it on, plus I love what I do.

I love Tom, but if I was still battling my issues with food I don't think we would be in as good of a place as we are now. Because I am able to talk about my feelings instead of hiding them and because I am able to get a handle on my anxiety, and because I feel much more confident and eager to get out and do stuff rather than sit at home and eat, our relationship is a solid one. 

I talked about this a little bit last week, but the confidence I have gained from this experience is key. I am able to talk to people in authority with ease, to stand in front of crowds and speak about ACS without having a panic attack, and I actually enjoy going out and doing stuff. That is so, so different from the me I was just over a year ago. 

To be clear, I don't think the WEIGHT LOSS itself has made me more confident. I don't want anyone to the impression to that you have to lose 80 lbs to be happy and confident. Because it's not just about how I look or feeling better. What has made me more confident is KNOWING I can cope without food binges. Think of it as alcoholism. I think most prior alcoholics or recovering alcoholics would agree with me and say that the majority of the reason they feel better is because they have learned to live their life without alcohol, and that their lives have become much clearer without it. That is how I feel with food. Obviously I eat, but I eat the right foods, and I no longer binge or hide my eating. 

Here's to 77 lbs, to almost 80, and to confidence. 

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