Monday, August 18, 2014

The Good and The Not So Good.

I honestly do not know how I am awake right now. The past few weeks have been jam packed. I am usually very much "on top" of my blog, but I've barely even logged in.

My emotions are a total roller coaster. There's been amazing things happening, but there has also been some really upsetting things happening. Let me fill you in.

The Good.

Successfully pulled off three work events. 

My main responsibility at The American Cancer Society is to manage three fundraising 5k's in October that benefit breast cancer research and programs. In August, we host a kickoff event for each of the 5k's I manage so that people can come and learn more. I held my first two kickoff's last week. One was VERY successful- high attendance, and after the kickoff THREE new teams registered. The other was somewhat successful- decent attendance and two new teams registered.

Another event was hosting a "tent party" at a local fair. The tent party included speakers, live music, and a raffle with over 40 different prizes. The proceeds of the raffle went back to ACS. The day was VERY successful- we raised over $3,000 total.

I've got one more big event coming up this Wednesday. Then work life settles a little bit as I prepare for October!

Have lost 74.6 lbs

I've neglected Weight Loss Wednesday's. I just haven't had the energy or the time to post about it...PLUS, my schedule has been so weird, that I am not in my normal routine. I have still managed to lose, though. I've tried to be as careful as possible. Which is difficult when I am on the road a lot, and tempted by deep fried oreos at the fair! I am .4 lbs away from losing 75 lbs!

New Little Buddy

My best friend, Christine, and her husband Paul welcomed their first son, Luke, into the world last Wednesday. It was one of the most exciting days of my life. Holding Luke for the first time reminded me so much of holding my nephew Ryan for the first time- pure joy, and a heart full of love. I cannot wait to keep getting to know my new little buddy. I could not stop smiling on Thursday, I was beaming for my best friend and for the new chapter in her life.

The Not So Good

The loss of my Uncle Mike

I wrote about my uncle's passing soon after it happened, but his loss has really taken a toll on my family, especially my dad. It was just such a shock. Yesterday at my event at the fair, I met a sheriff with his companion, a German Shepard trained to sniff out bombs. That is the same work my uncle did as a police officer. It reminded me so deeply of the impact that my Uncle Mike made in his community-and it made me realize just how much I admired him, and how much I miss him now. That it's simply not fair that he had to go, especially without any warning.

Robin Williams' Suicide.

Anytime someone commits suicide, it is a hard pill to swallow. It strikes a chord in me that I cannot fully explain. Of course I did knot personally know Robin Williams, but I felt like I did. I feel such a connection to that man. Mostly because his movies were a large part of my childhood. Hook is my favorite movie of all time, and it is a movie that bonds my dad and I. We are always quoting that movie, and whenever it is on TV one of us lets the other know. Of course there are his other movies- Mrs. Doubtfire, Aladdin, Jack Patch Adams, Dead Poet's Society...just to name a few. His movies have always just been a big part of my life. I was devastated when I heard of his suicide. And, over the next several nights, I suffered from nightmares about suicide. Those have gone away as of Friday, but I didn't get much sleep last week. I tried to write about Robin, and to write about depression/suicide, but I just couldn't.

I tried to watch Hook twice since last Monday, but haven't made it all the way through yet. I found myself too emotional. I even teared up in the food fight scene when the lost boys yell out "bang a rang Peter!".  I'm not sure if I have been this affected by a celebrity death before. Corey Monteith was difficult, and I shed many tears when that happened, but the death of Robin Williams has just left me numb.

The Breakdown.

The not so good, combined with exhaustion,  has hurt. I've cried many tears. I've woken up in the middle of the night unable to go back to sleep. I've wanted to stay in bed all day. My writing has suffered as a result of all the things going on. I have not felt as passionate, I have not despretly wanted to write every moment of every day as I once did. No matter what I wrote, I felt like it was not good enough...this blog post itself included. Feelings of jealousy came over me as I have read my friends blogs- why can THEY write and I can't? The breakdown hasn't been fun.

In Summary.
 Here I stand. I may have fallen, but I know how to get back up.

I almost didn't write about the not so good. I almost just left this blog post as an update on my weight loss, and told you all some of the work things happening. But that wouldn't be honest of me. Maybe it seems I am being dramatic or that I am being too sad, but I am simply sharing the reality of my life the past few weeks. Why hide our feelings? Why be afraid to share the things that hurt us? We shouldn't be. Open, real conversations are important to building our relationships and to trusting one another.

Yesterday at the fair, our tent was decorated with butterflies. Although I get a little jumpy around butterflies, yesterday, our decorations gave me hope. Butterflies are a symbol of  transformation. They are living proof that we don't stay stuck in one place forever. We grow- we find our wings and we fly.

Life isn't going to be fair, and it's not always going to be fun. But it can be enriching, it can be abundant and it is most certainly worth living. Always remember that.

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