8 months :)

Dear Ryan,
I feel like every time I sit down to write you a letter, I am tired in some way, shape, or form. Perhaps it is the timing- the end of the month. And as I sit and reflect on what happened, the good and the bad, it exhausts me.

Today I am the kind of tired where my muscles ache from working them so hard. You see, I woke up this morning and went to the gym. Early. Left my house by 8 am on a Sunday. And I pushed myself, hard. So now it's late in the afternoon and I can feel the effects of doing this work out. And you know what? I love that feeling, Ryan.

I love that feeling because three or four weeks ago, I would have never thought about going to the gym at 8am on a Sunday. In fact, my first thought when I woke up this morning was about how badly I wanted a McDonalds breakfast sandwich. But I pushed that thought out of my mind and I got dressed to go to the gym. But three or four weeks ago, McDonalds would have been the choice.

I am telling you all of this to tell you that I am working really hard on getting healthier. It was your Grandma and Grandpa Carolin who really motivated me. I had a real scare a few weeks ago with periods of dizziness/headaches, and I didn't like it. The three of us talked about my health, and I got a jump start on exercising and eating better. And Ryan I feel so much better already! I feel healthier and happier, and it's only been two weeks. I like where this is headed. And, I am super lucky to have people around me who are helping me!

Ryan....I am probably going to talk to you about this a lot, but I need you to promise me you're always going to treat people kindly, okay? Just know that there is no use in lying, no use in saying mean things, no use in being a consistent bully to someone else. And you certainly should never tell someone you care about them and you love them, and then go and do something so horrible that it breaks their heart. It's not very fair.

That happened to me recently, dude. I try not to dwell on it or talk about it, but it just boggles my mind that there are people in this world who can just treat others so badly. I'll be alright, because I cannot let this person control my happiness or state of mind. Know what I'm going to do instead? Get healthier. So there. Sometimes, Ryan, you have to turn negativity into positivity. I learned that from your Grandpa and Grandma Carolin, also.

I haven't talked much about YOU in this letter, now have I? You do know you are my favorite person on the planet, right? Good. Because you are. That sweet smile gets me every time! We actually did have an exciting month. Uncle Jonathon and Aunt Sara came into town for Father's Day! They got to spend a lot of time with you, which I know they enjoyed. They took you to the park, we cooked a big family meal together, you even came to visit me at work! The ladies at my job just adored you. I know your daddy, Uncle, and Grandpa's just LOVED being able to see you on Father's Day. Heck, we all did!

I saw you just yesterday, and I am about to see you again now. You were so close to crawling yesterday! Just a few more weeks and you'll be there. You are also more vocal, although all you say is "ba ba ba ba ba". And you do this thing where you put your face REALLY close to mine and smile. It's like you're peering into my soul. You're a happy little guy, unless you're hungry or sleepy.

I'll see you in a few minutes, your mommy and daddy are having me over for dinner. We will oogle over you and giggle about silly things.

Happy 8 months, Ryzinga. I adore you.