Sunday, April 28, 2013


I realize I did not write an "X" post and I have no real excuse other than I flat out did not have a clue what I should write about. When it comes to memories, I have none that start with "x". I already wrote about X-Men two years ago, and I hate copying posts. So, I just skipped it.

So now here I am, trying to desperately come up with witty "y" and "z" posts. I got nothing. I'm sure I could post some lame-o memory if I really really thought about it, but I've already been digging my brain for ideas and I've got a rough work week ahead of me.

My point in all the above chit chat was to say this: I apologize if these last two posts are totally stupid.

For my "y" post, I ended up posting on twitter and asking my followers to throw out a year from 1987-2013. I gathered up 5 of those years, and have written some memories/thoughts for each one. I hope you enjoy.

I was three years old. I had big eyes that were extremely noticeable. We had a favorite little restaurant and so often the waitress would comment on my eyes. I hated it. I hated the attention. I was dangerously shy. I liked pink, Barney, and playing with my brother. I was happy. I liked macaroni and cheese, drinking juice out of a sippy cup, and I was learning how to use my left hand. I preferred it over my right. I was in preschool and had best friends that were boys.

I was 8 years old. Still dangerously shy. Still had those big eyes. Dance at Borgo Sisters. I got my first pet, and then gave it away. I loved being with my family, and spending the night at my grandma's house. I read chapter books like it was my job, was terrified of math, but overall enjoyed school. I was in Brownies. I liked my teachers and wanted them to like me. A boy named Grant was in love with me and made me a heart out of snow on the playground. My mom subbed for our class when our teacher was out and I loved every minute of it.

12 years old and learning about friendships, popularity, crushes, and music. Obsessed with N sync  Backstreet Boys, The Spice Girls, and Hanson. Wrote notes to all my friends in school, trying not to get caught while passing them. I would have been in 7th grade, so I was going to Barn Dances and having sleepovers with my friends frequently. We made up dances. I had big crushes on cute boys in my class. I was learning about my options for high school, even though I pretty much knew I was going to Mercy. I was playing volleyball, basketball and softball. I learned about grief, I learned how to comfort my friends. I worried about clothes and good grades.

Sweet sixteen. What an awkward age. All you want to do is be around your friends. My friends were my lifeline. I loved being at school, it was my very favorite place to be. I loved to learn, but hated certain classes. I listened to bands like Something Corporate and Dashboard Confessional, plus my very favorite band, The Spill Canvas. I was learning to drive, and therefore gaining a little bit more freedom. I was discovering who I was and who I wanted to be. I had issues with lying, and issues with social anxiety were starting to really come out more.  I had really strong feelings for a guy who pretended to share them but he was lying to me. I admired my teachers, my parents, my siblings, and Oprah. I hung out with friends on weekends, read Harry Potter and laughed as much as I could. I was hurting a lot, too, but if I could be with my friends, I could forget about that for a little while.

This is one of those really interesting years. For the first few months, I was miserable. I was in a really bad living situation. I was depressed. I felt stuck and was worried my "friends" would dismiss my feelings so I never talked to them about it. And then, one night, I heard Melinda Doolittle singing "There Will Come A Day" on American Idol, and I started to change. I grew a little stronger. I made friends with Sam, who was good for me and helped me to get past all the other challenges in my life. That summer, Sam and I became best friends. We discovered a mutual love for so many things and became passionate about living life to the fullest.   2007 wound up being a great year. In the fall I was living with Sam and two other girls and we had so much fun. We'd have Rockband and movie days, we'd go shopping together, get drinks, go out to dinner. We made each other laugh and pushed each other through. I learned how to be happy again. I learned how to help myself, how to heal myself. I also met Melinda this year, and with that became incredibly close with a group of people known as "the backups" but also known as "some of the best friends I'll ever have in my life".

Hands down the best year of my life so far. For the first half I was wrapping up my senior year of college, living with my two friends Lauren and Jess. Lauren and I were pretty much inseparable and she managed to make my senior year amazing. I was also doing my internship with KCAN. I got to go to so many concerts/events that year for some of my favorite people and artists. I graduated from college. I took a trip to Vegas to visit backups. Then, in the fall, I began my year of service through the Mercy Volunteer Corps, where my life was forever changed. I was working at Cristo Rey High School, living with three beautiful people, and becoming reconnected to the Sisters of Mercy. My faith was strengthened and my life found meaning. I tip my hat off to 2009, it was honestly, the most life changing, exciting year I have had so far.

Every year of my life has taught me a lesson. I've had my heart crushed, but I've also had it full of happiness and gratitude  I have an amazing family, fabulous friends, and incredible life experiences that I am proud of and that I embrace whole heartedly. It's no secret (or maybe it is, to those who don't know me as well) that I have had some issues with anxiety, and a little depression, but I am here, and I am in love with life, as hard as it can be sometimes. I keep pushing on. I gather up all my memories from all these years, and it gives me strength to keep going.

I can't wait to see what my future years are going to bring me.


Rob-bear said... Add Reply

Wow! Exciting years! Thanks for sharing them in a gutsy way (not over-dited). I hope you keep having wonderful years!

Blessings and Bear hugs!
Bears Noting
Life in the Urban Forest (My poetry blog)

Dee @ A Deecoded Life said... Add Reply

I was wondering where your X was! So that explains it.

This is a great post. I laughed at your 1999 because we obssessed over the same bands and did the same thing - note passing.

Our 2009 are opposites. It's the worst year of my life so far, but I'm glad it happened because I learned a lesson from it.

Shari said... Add Reply

Aww, this is one of my favorite posts of yours yet. So neat to get a glimpse into your life at different points. Also, I second the other description for "Backups" ... <3 you all! :)

Unknown said... Add Reply

You have some awesome memories. May you have many more so you can share them here!


Unknown said... Add Reply

Life is sure interesting from its ups and downs and good things and bad. These are the things that make life beautiful. Of course, I say this when I'm not super in the middle of a trial. haha

But hey, I saw Hanson in concert a couple years ago and enjoyed it a lot. Their new music is great!

Samantha May said... Add Reply

Barring 1990 (since I was not present lol) All of those years have some sort of special memory attached for me as well. Thanks for taking me back :)

Kinley Dane said... Add Reply

Yeah, X Y and Z are stumpers!

I love hearing the little snapshots of your life. It made me feel amazingly old, but I loved them nevertheless ;)

Elizabeth Rosalyn said... Add Reply

Thanks for sharing these little snippets of your yesteryears! It's always nice to look back and see how far you've come :)