Sunday, September 30, 2012

broke, but not broken

Raise your hand if you love weddings.

Hi, my name is Megan, and I have an addiction to weddings. I get all giddy when I talk about them, about my favorite parts of each wedding I've been too. I would go to a wedding every weekend if I could. They are so magical. So full of love.

This past weekend my friend Betsy got married to the love of her life Mike. It was a beautiful wedding, and a great time. To be honest I was a little nervous about going. I didn't know many people going, and I get shy and awkward in front of new people. But it turned out to be a great night. Betsy looked stunning, the weather was perfect, the food was delicious, and the company was a plus. I made so many new friends, I danced the entire night, and  laughed so hard it hurt with my best friend Sam. And, an extra special added plus, I was reunited with my sweet friend Dana. I haven't seen Dana since I was 19 years old. She was a senior at WMU when I was a freshmen, and she was one of my best friends and role models. I have a very special place in my heart for D Rog; I'll never forget what a good friend/big sister she was to me in college. She really made an impact on my life. Loved seeing her, hated saying goodbye again.

There were many hi-lights of the evening, but rather than list of all of them, I gotta say the coolest part is that they are all centered around the same thing: love. Love for Betsy and Mike, the love they have for each other, love for my best friend Sam and for Dana, love of music and dancing, love of making connections with people, love of laughing. I've got the biggest smile on my face just thinking of all the love that surrounded us yesterday and this morning as we shared breakfast and swapped stories of the evening.

I made the trek to Holland solo, so I had plenty of time by myself in the car to just sit and think. (well, and drive). I was a bit sleepier this morning, but on the way there I was totally in tune with my thoughts, my fears, ideas, frustrations. I have a lot going on in my life right now. A lot of worries, a lot of things bringing me down. And it frustrates me to the core that I am stuck here, that as hard as I try I'm still in the same place of general unhappiness and dissatisfaction. I know many of you are saying- then do something about it! I'm trying. But I'm not getting very far. I know I have to place my trust in my faith that everything is going to be okay, that life is unfolding as it should, but then the other side of me doesn't believe that, and freaks out about it. I have to find a happy medium. And I know all of this sounds a bit depressing and confusing, but simply, I am not really where I want to be. I want to be able to buy groceries without worrying that I'll overdraft my account. I want to be able to pay off all my debts and bills. I want to get paid justly for the amount of work that I do. I want to have more time. I want to be more motivated. I want guys to stop being jerks. I want dating to be easier. I want LIFE to be easier. I know, it doesn't work that way. I know, almost every other 20 something is feeling the same way. But that doesn't make it easier or less frustrating.

I'm sorry that I took a happy topic and suddenly turned it into Megan's monthly whine session, but I had to let that out. I know that I have friends and family who read this blog who care deeply for me and are praying for me, and for that I am most grateful. Things are going to get better. They have to. I have to make some changes in my life, many of which are pretty much beyond my control. So I will take a deep breath, work hard, pray, and let God lead me to where I need to be.

Have a good week.

1 comment:

Shari said... Add Reply

Just wanted to say ... sending so many hugs. I know exactly how you feel. You're right, it doesn't make things less frustrating, but at least we're all in this together?