Sunday, October 2, 2016

I put my armor on, show you how strong how I am

Last week, my family learned that my dad has a brand new tumor growing in his brain. Ever since he was diagnosed with cancer in September 2013, we've been through all kinds of ups and downs, twists and turns. I've written about all of them. Perhaps, you, too, are getting sick of reading about it.

Cancer is not supposed to be easy, and of course, bad news comes with the territory. We get bad news, we fix the problem, we go on. Until the next thing happens.

So even though we are "used" to this type of news, even though we KNOW that this is not going to be a smooth ride, that doesn't make it easier. And that doesn't mean I'm going to stop writing about it.

Selfishly, writing helps me to release my emotions. But I also think it's important to share my dad's story- to share our story.

In short, it sucks. It feels like a sucker punch to the stomach every time we hear something like this. No matter how much fight we have in us to conquer forward and to leap over this hurdle, there is no denying that it plain sucks to have to deal with this.

I cannot promise you that we are going to "be positive" or "stay strong" all the time. There are some days when that is just too hard. There are some days where we need to cry or be angry or hibernate.

This is cancer in it's ugly moments.

Having said all of that, I want to assure everyone around us that we are NOT going to give up. My dad will fight, and we will fight. When one of us is weak, the others swoop in. We will rise, even when it doesn't feel possible. Because as ugly as cancer is, it also gives us this incredible gift of perseverance. Cancer has been the hardest, most challenging, work out I've ever had.

Thank you for reading my very raw, somewhat depressing ramble of emotions. Like I mentioned, for as much as cancer tries to bring us down, we will fight back 10 x stronger. It just takes a moment-or two- to get back in that mindset. After we catch our breaths, and after the tears stop flowing, we plan our attack on cancer.

I'm saying we, of course, because my family moves as a unit. None of us can feel what my dad feels or fight this fight for him, but together, we move forward, one step at a time. #carolinstrong

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