Sunday, November 1, 2015

The Let Down

Most of you have been reading this blog for a long time. You know that I always choose honesty, and that I've been incredibly open with you about my weight loss journey, my dad, my struggles in relationships and friendships. We've celebrated, too, and I've shared a lot of memories. So that's why I'm trusting you now as I write yet another honest post.

As you know, two weeks ago I hit my goal weight- a number I've been aiming for since June 2013. I was so incredibly happy. I also wrote about it here, and how even though it's exciting, life will still go on. I'll still need to keep up my healthy lifestyle, and I've had to accept the fact that I will probably always have to watch what I eat. I'm fine with that. I get it. I have several friends who have lost a lot of weight and although they do allow themselves to indulge once in a while, they pretty much are consistent with their healthy choices. So I know it's what I have to do.

But in the last two weeks, I've also felt a bit...defeated? Down in the dumps? Sad? However you want to label it- I felt it.

After talking this through with some folks close to me, I know that this feeling is fairly common after hitting a goal. And boy, did it hit hard. I felt anxious, like I needed to quickly replace my weight loss goal with something else. I wondered if I should start training for a half marathon, or if I should learn photography or how to sew, or to finally write a book. All of these ideas were flushing around my brain, and all I kept thinking was that I needed to do something new. I needed to accomplish something else in order to ride on this happiness trail. I felt like if I didn't have a project or a goal, I was letting myself and everyone else down.

Deep down in my heart, I know the answer: Let it go and enjoy life. Don't focus too much on trying to be better or to accomplish something great. You've done that- now live.

But my foggy mind can't quite get that.

It should come naturally to enjoy what you have, but for me, and probably for countless others, it doesn't. So that is what I am working on.Slowly. That, and working on not obsessing over my weight while keeping up my healthy lifestyle (aka: finding balance).

I know that this is an incredibly common occurrence. Go ahead and google "depression after hitting a goal"- it doesn't matter what kind of goal, this is common. So I know I'm not alone. And, lucky for me, I have really great people in my life to help me.

I'm sharing this for a few reasons: To let you all know where I stand right now; and to spread awareness. This is the "downside" to reaching a goal that no one really warns you about.

Please do not think I am not proud of myself, because I am. There's just some baggage that comes with that pride, is all.

Don't worry, folks. I'm working hard on getting to know myself so that I can let go and enjoy life.

Also, this Demi Lovato song helps. Cuz, you know. Pop stars get me.

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