Sunday, October 11, 2015

Sometimes, it's not me in control

I stumbled on a blog prompt that read "take the third line of the song you're listening to and write about how it relates to your life". At first I thought that sounded pretty silly. I surely could think of something more exciting to write about, right? But the truth is my creativity and inspiration for writing has been running low, so I thought I'd give it a shot. And here we are.

The song was "Rely on Me" by Jason Mraz- and the third line?

Sometimes it’s not me in control

I mean--come ON! The universe was spot on with this one. There are a lot of things going on in my life right now that are worrying me to my core, but I have zero control over them. I know that you are all well aware of that feeling, it's something each of us live with. But it's still frustrating, and scary.

The truth is we can't be in control all the time. Sometimes we have to let someone else take the reigns, sometimes we have to give it to God. For the most part, we have to let it go and take it's path the way it's supposed to.

My dad is undergoing brain surgery on Friday to remove a mass. That's incredibly terrifying. Sure, we want that thing out of there, but brain surgery is tricky, and so scary. There is nothing I can do in this situation to control it. I'm certainly not equipped to do the surgery myself or to tell the surgeon what to do. I, along with the rest of my family, just need to trust in the medical team, give each other support, and be there for my dad when he comes out of surgery. I know this. I know that's what we need to do. But I continue to be scared.

For whatever reason, the simple, relaxed way Jason Mraz sang that line made me take a sigh of relief. Maybe it was the reassurance that none of us are in control or maybe it's just the smooth vocal stylings of Mr. Mraz- either way, I felt comfort.

So what do I do now? Now that I have acknowledged my fears, and that I recognize it is not in my control?

I practice. I of course can't just let my dad's surgery go and pretend it's not happening. Instead, each time I start to panic, I say to myself "sometimes, it's not me in control" and I follow that with a prayer to protect my dad during and after his surgery.

I've asked you all for a lot of prayers during the years. Prayers for myself when I was struggling internally, prayers for my students at Cristo Rey, prayers for victims of tragedy, prayers for my family as we navigated through my dad's cancer diagnosis. I'm coming to you again. As we go into this week, prepping for surgery and recovery, please pray for my dad, the medical team taking care of him, and my family.

And if you're feeling overwhelmed, or in a panic, remember- sometimes, it's not you in control. Remember how strong you are, how wise you are, you've probably been here before and conquered, you can do it again. You can let go, let things happen as they should.

No comments: