I made it through the most emtionally draining week I've had as a volunteer. I'm sure there are many more to come, I'm glad I was able to handle it without a complete nervous breakdown...I say complete because I did have a bit of a breakdown. I cried on the phone with my parents and sister on Wednesday. However, it could have been worse. I'm proud of myself. That's a big step for me.
I was so exhausted last night I could feel every muscle in my body aching. My eyes burned. I was out of thoughts, I just sat on the couch like a vegetable. I'm starting to realize what it's like to be an adult. Your little Meggie is growing up :-)
I won't go into details for the safety and privacy of my students, but several of them came to me with very heavy stuff they are dealing with. I had to do a handful of peer mediation sessions in addition to comforting and a little counseling. It all came down on me at once, and my heart was heavy with emotions for them. It's very hard for someone like me to not get emotionally attached, but when I care so much about these students and they share their deepest fears, anxieties, worries with me I can't help it. When they come to me with tears in their eyes asking for me to just listen, I want to help save them from all the evil and danger in their life.
One student in particular is going through a pretty rough time in her life. I can relate to her feelings of lonliness, anxiety, and low self-image. I gave her a list of songs that have helped me get through the tough times. The next day, she came sprinting down the bleachers and gave me a huge hug. "Thank you...my mommy say thank you too". That, folks, is why I am doing this.
Some funny things happened this week, too. One student asked me if it would be okay if she cut out my eyeballs and put them in her head, because she was so jealous of my eye color. I got two drawings, a Christmas card (yes, this early), a book to borrow, and the gift of smiles and "thank you miss carolin". I had a student tell me she wouldn't come back next year if I didn't. A group of student workers decided that I have a boyfriend named Andrew. (I don't even know an Andrew). My creative writing class wrote excellent scary stories. We had a great discussion in peer mediation about stress and peer pressure. At one point on Friday, I looked at three of my students who were making dancing to Michael Jackson and said "I love my job".
I do. I absolutley love my job. I have had people outside this house and my family tell me "this is the happiest I've seen you in a long time". That's because I feel useful, I feel like I am doing something I need to be doing.
Tonight we have a Mass with the Sister's of Mercy, then we are passing out candy, and ending the night with a party at the Jesuit Volunteers house. Someone remind me to take pictures.
My outfit: Black t-shirt with iron on Jonas Brothers image, black and grey skirt, leggings, fake (very fake) uggs, Jonas necklace, Hannah Montana necklace, Twilight pins, High School Musical pin, Hannah pin, Hannah/Jonas/HSM/Twilight bracelets, Twilight bag, glitter, etc. I'm excited!
Listening to- "This Far"- Landon Pigg