Lent, 2011 Style

This may sound kind of strange, but I always really look forward to Lent. The idea of sacrificing something to focus on spirituality and Jesus' love for us intrigues me. Last year was the most dedicated, intense Lenten season I've ever had. I gave up a number of things and spent much of my time in silent prayer. I honestly believe I succeeded so much because of the environment I was in. I was living with three very spiritual people my age who were excited and into Lent, I had the support of the Sister's of Mercy and several opportunities for Lenten reflections.

This time around, it's not quite the same. I'm living at home, babysitting when I can, and desperately trying to find a job. I spend most of my time on the computer, job searching, typing cover letters, writing blogs, and, yes, indulging in the fascination of social media. Facebook and Twitter are my outlets. Probably (and yes, this is sad) because I don't have much of a social life, I sort of rely on those to be my way of contacting others. I rant about American Idol and Glee, participate in silly tumblr challenges, etc. I totally have fun doing it, but during these next forty days I really want to spend my time focused on other things. Prayer, journaling, volunteering, reading, etc. I will still be spending a good amount of time on the computer as I will need to keep job hunting, but no social media for me. I may blog from time to time, tho.

It's not going to be easy. The temptation to check twitter and facebook will be there every minute. I'm hoping the experience will allow me to learn about myself. Last year I loved it- I felt so relieved...but as soon as Lent was over I fell right back into the "addiction". So, here is my 2011 Lenten Promise.

Giving Up
-Facebook and Twitter. See ya'll on Easter. If you need to get in contact with me, text me, call me, or e-mail me. Enjoy your Idol parties, Glee rants, inspirational quotes, song lyrics, etc. Also if something exciting happens in your life please tell me :)
-Fast food. I've already been sorta doing this anyways, but this is a no exception kinda thing now.
-Meat. Did this last year and it was much easier than I thought it would be.

Things I'll DO during Lent (all about doing something, not just sacrificing)
-Writing letters. Forty or more of you will get a letter from me, handwritten. Some of you may even get a mixed CD. If you're lucky ;-)
-Spend quiet time in prayer.
-Volunteer. Now is the time to do it, while I'm out of work. In between babysitting and tutoring at Cristo Rey, I'm going to find time to volunteer- hopefully as a mentor with BBBS, Boys and Girls Club, or something of that sort.

Alrighty- I have to head to bed. Happy Mardi Gras to all of you, and I hope you have a blessed, peaceful Lent. I will blog if inspiration comes to me, so keep checking :)

Love.

I Wonder...

First of all, no, I have not heard from any potential jobs. Yes, I'm starting to stress out a little bit. They all said one-two weeks though, and it's been exaclty one. Plus, like I said, I am very grateful that I had interviews. Ijustreallyreallywantoneofthosejobs.

Anyways, today I am bringing, for your reading pleasure, a second edition of "Second Graders Say the Cutest Thing". A few months ago I posted an entry with some of the stories from my mom's kids. Ths time, their project was to write "I wonder"...they had to do one for who, why, when, where, what, if, and how. My mom picked her favorite from each student and made a book. Here are some of MY favorites.

I wonder if when you see a shooting star, your wish really comes true.

I wonder who tells the sun to go down and the moon to go up.

I wonder why we don't have hurricanes in Michigan when we are surrounded by lakes

I wonder if my cat went to Heaven when he died

I wonder when Jesus will return to Earth...

I wonder how come Ann Frank is so famous

I wonder if my dad has met Mrs. Carolin's parents in heaven (this one legit made me cry).

I wonder where Santa has test flights

I wonder when Santa will die

I wonder why stars are so bright

I wonder if everyone in our class will get married

I wonder why God gave us dreams

I wonder who made God

I wonder what God looks like

I wonder where stars go during the day

I wonder if God has a mother

I wonder if Santa is watching me still

I wonder where the homeless give birth (this AMAZED me that a 7 year old came up with this)

The imagination of children fascinates me. I've got a new temporary babysitting gig (been thankful to pick up a couple of these while I'm out of work) that has been going on for the past three weeks and ends next week. Anna is 5 and Owen is 3. They are precious and honest, loving and playful. They are constantly playing make believe, and the things they come up with astonish me. I am instantly reminded of my childhood, when I spent countless days at my friends house playing Barbies, paper dolls, office, school, Babysitters Club, etc. It saddens me that the innocence, the imagination, is gone. I still get ideas, I work well, but I can't "pretend" like they do. Or maybe I'm just not trying hard enough. Maybe I'm too caught up on worrying about "grown up stuff" that I'm not allowing myself to imagine.

Hope you all have a blessed week.

pick me, choose me!

I thought I'd blog about job interviews, since I just had a week full of them and I know SO many people are going through the same thing. Advice greatly appreciated.

I know an interview is better than no interview at all. So trust me when I say I am extremely grateful that I had three interviews for amazing positions this past week. It really gave me a boost of confidence, a much needed pick me up. I have no idea how they went...for me, job interviews pretty much go three different ways.

Complete with GIFS. Your welcome.

1.

Oh em gee! That was amazing! They totally LOVED me. I'm so perfect for this job. I'll get a second interview and then the job will be mine. I've got this in the bag. Oooh, how will I decorate my desk? OH! I should start looking at apartments! I can move out now! I have a REAL job.

That? Is called getting my hopes up too high. Overly confident. Then I receive a rejection phone call or letter, and I'm absolutely crushed.

2.

I think it went well. Maybe I said too much, though...or too little. Maybe I could have done this. I wonder what that look she gave me meant. Why did they ask me that? I have a headache

Paranoia. Over analyzing every move, figuring out what I could have done better. Constantly checking my phone/email.

3.

I am so unqualified. I bet other people were so much better. They don't like me. I'll never get a job.
Pessimistic. No confidence.

Really, all three are equally dangerous. I'm happy to report that after some heavy self-talk, I'm remaining pretty calm this time. I hope that sticks, because I'm pretty sure I'll be really upset if I don't get any of them...and then will go back to stressing. (I'm trying not to, I promise I am).

The most frustrating thing for me is this- I know I'm qualified for these jobs. I know I have a remarkable talent for relating to youth and helping them reach their goals. My past supervisors would (and have) back me up on that. I know that even though I can by shy, I am SO passionate about the work I do (or..am trying to do, ha) that it doesn't matter. I just wish I could SHOW this. It's hard to do that in an interview.

I'm trying to be positive, I really am. And compared to where I was a few years ago, I'm 90% more positive. I just hate this feeling of something being missing in my life. In the summer of 2009, I had this feeling that something big was going to be happening for me. I can't quite explain it, but every once in a while I would just have this overwhelming feeling of hope and pride. Then I did the year of MVC at Cristo Rey, and the feeling went away when that year was over. It really makes me think sometimes- was that it? Was that year my one shining moment? That can't be it, right?

I will just be so grateful when someone gives me a chance.

PS: Thank you for everyone who has been praying for me. Trust me, if it's good news, I will tell you. I will probably hire a helicopter to write in the sky "MEGAN GOT A JOB".

Letting Go

Lately my mind has been jam packed with “what if’s”. What if I had chosen a different major? What if I had done another year of MVC? What if this, what if that. It doesn’t end well. I get upset with myself, paranoid about the decisions I have made in my life.

I can’t do that anymore. The past is the past, what’s done is done. All I can do is move forward. Sometimes I feel like I’m all out of luck, maybe 2008-2009 used all of it. But then I remember- I am 23. I hate this age, I am more frustrated than ever that no one is giving me a chance, but it’s not the end. I’m working on my patience. I’m working on accepting life as it is. I’m working on not breaking down every time I get a “no” from a job. I’m working on not taking it personally. Because until I have confidence in myself, no one else will.

I don’t know when I will find a job. Maybe it will be tomorrow, maybe next year. Maybe I’ll be in grad school soon. What I do know is I won’t give up. I will keep chasing after my dreams, I will find a way.

I’m making the decision to stop waiting to live and start living. To stop needing something to make me happy and just be happy. I will stop doubting myself. I will stop looking for answers. Some people may be rolling their eyes right now, thinking I’m nuts. But you know what else I’m going to stop doing? Caring what people think.

It’s not going to be easy, this new experiment of mine. But if I work at it, if I make that my mission, I believe things will start to really happen for me. Don’t worry; I’m going to keep working hard for what I want, just differently. I’m going to drop the fear, and live in the moment. This is my life, and while it may not be the one I’ve dreamed of, I need to learn to embrace it and not focus on the negative.


I hope you find the strength to do the same.