Monday was my first day back at the gym in a while. With my bronchitis diagnosis I was given some strict instructions to lay off the cardio and rest while my lungs and body healed.
But not working out was beginning to take a toll on me, physically and emotionally. I had to get back. So I told myself id go on Monday and take it somewhat easy.
I started by walking around the track. I graced two 8lb hand weights and began taking laps. I didn't have real plans for how far I was going to go, I figured I would just start and see what happens. By about lap 4, I decided I might as well do all 12 and get a full mile in.
I then realized I was carrying a total of 16 lbs with me, which is pretty much equivalent to what I have lost. I was carrying my own weight. Feeling 16 extra lbs made me realize how exciting this journey has been so far. While walking with those extra weights I thought about what those 16 ish lbs represent. What was I carrying around for so long that I finally got rid of?
16lbs of fear. See before I started this weight loss journey I always wanted to do something about my weight, but then id get too scared. And the whole reason I'm overweight in the first place is because I ate to hide my feelings. I ate because I was scared.
That fear is gone now. Not completely, of course, but I think a little fear is probably good. But 16lbs of it is gone. And that's a pretty hefty amount.
So when I walked my last lap on Monday I said a prayer of gratitude for all the people who have supported me and helped me to get this far.
I went back Tuesday evening and did the same routine. Beat my time by one whole minute. This time, I focused again on fear, and what those16lbs represent.
I was also feeling well enough on Tuesday to put a little more time into the bike and elliptical, giving me a good workout, a better one then I've had in a while. It felt so good. My muscles are even a little sore, a sure sign that I worked hard.
I am not allowing myself to weigh myself until the end of the month. I don't want to get obsessive and paranoid. That's not healthy. I'm just going to keep on trucking.
I'm fairly emotional as I write this. A lot has been happening and I'm in the stage of feeling overwhelmed. I love you all so much and hope you have a beautiful day.