Hey people. I'm not sure what this blog post will turn out to be, but I was itching to write and so I'm writing.
I'm really tired. I could list all of the things that have happened in the past few weeks but most of you are aware of them and that wouldn't really be productive. It's just been a lot.
I am at the point now where I am numb. I don't really feel anything, I can't cry. I'm just going through the motions of life.
I am pissed that my dad has to deal with all of this because he's too young and cool and wonderful to have this deck of cards handed to him. It's not fair. And I know he's not the only one and that so many people are going through the same thing. But it's still not fair and I hate it. I wish that we could magically take this all away so he could be healthy and not have to deal with it anymore.
But he is a fighter and I know he'll kick cancers ass to the curb cuz that's just how he rolls. I just wish he wouldn't have to.
I am trying my very best to be positive, be strong. But it's hard. And I think I deserve to be pissed.
I got to the point today, after my aunts funeral, where I could truly feel emotionally drained. I felt it in every muscle of my body. I just wanted to put on a hoodie, crawl into bed and hide for a week. Instead I went to dinner with my best friend. Because hiding isn't going to do anything. I have to keep on living, as best I can.
I guess that's all any of us can do, really. Just keep living. Or we could be like Dory and just keep swimming. We can't just stop and we certainly can't give up. We can crumble at times, but then we have to dust off and keep going. Accepting that this sucks, but understanding that we have to fight.
I want you all to know that we really can feel your prayers. At least, I can. I can explain it best by saying it feels like I am being hugged by angels. Like you guys are all carrying me, not visibly but spiritually. And that, my friends, is what is keeping me going. So keep the prayers coming.
On a sidenote I have loved seeing my family these past two days. I hate that it was for a funeral for my vibrant, passionate aunt Terry but I did love hugging and laughing with them. My uncle brad who has always been a favorite of mine tugged on my ponytail and called me "Megsie" like he used to do when I was little. My sweet aunt pat gave lots of hugs. My cousin Shannon , someone I've always loved dearly, gave me sand in a jar from our family vacation spot. It was just great to see them.
I know things will be okay. And I promise I'm trying to be positive. But don't be alarmed if I just fall into someone's arms just because I need a hug.