halloween

I love fall so much I just wanna snuggle it and never let it go. I love the changing leaves, pumpkin flavored EVERYTHING, the crisp weather, cuddling up in hoodies and fleece pants, cider mills. I even love haunted houses and horror movies. But I hate Halloween.

I don't know if I've always hated Halloween or not. I'm sure I loved going trick or treating with my friends and swapping candy with my siblings. But dressing up? No thanks. There's so much pressure to have the BEST costume. It's totally nerve wracking. You don't want to be that kid that has a bad costume. You have to be unique and extroverted and totally confident in yourself and your costume. I hold none of those characteristics.

I really started to hate Halloween in college. Halloween was just an excuse for people to get totally drunk, wear little clothing and try to out skank each other. Totally not cute. Costumes for older women are all the same: gross. Unless you are creative and can avoid that route...which, again, I am not.

Do I have a bad memory associated with Halloween? yes. Yes I do. I was abandoned by friends in college. The night did not end well. It didn't really start well either. That one night caused an entire collapse of friendships for me. So when I think of Halloween, I think of that night. Talk about scary.

Ever since then, I avoid it as best as I can. The next two years in college I went home for Halloween. I passed out candy to the kids in my parents neighborhood. I wanted no part of the excessive partying. I've managed to pretty much avoid it every year since then, too, except the year I did MVC. But that was different, because my friends actually shared the same values as I did, and I felt comfortable enough around them to dress up and participate. (I was a teeny bopper.)

I've avoided it again the past two years, again passing out candy at my parents house while Psycho played in the background and I sipped on my apple cider. I like seeing the little kids costumes. I like when my moms students come to the door and ask for her. It's precious. Halloween is for kids, if you ask me.

But this year, my dear friend Alex is having a Halloween party. Now I'm really at a crossroads. I love Alex, and I miss him. We never get a chance to hang out anymore. So YEAH, count me in, we'll have a blast! But then- it's a Halloween party. Costumes mandatory. Really Alex. Why you gotta do that? So I started looking at costumes online and my sweet sweet lord. The costumes got shorter and less...clothing. I want to be Sophia Grace, that little child rap princess on Ellen. But do you know how hard it is to find an "adult princess costume" that's not skanky? So then I think...okay. I'll just be a hipster. It's easy and I can get my entire costume at salvation army. (Ironically, of course). But is that good enough? I also thought about being Katniss Everdeen, but that's pretty much the costume of the year. So much PRESSURE!

But I am not going to avoid Halloween this year. I'm going to challenge myself. I'm going to the party. I'm gonna have fun. And no one will stop me.

PS: For real though, what should I be for Halloween? Ha!