conquer, week 1.

So the first week of 2012 is over- we survived. Barely. I mean wow 2012, way to come in with a bang.

First of all, work has been absolutely insane. I've been working on stuff until 10:30 every night, trying to get my ducks in a row. I get to work by 8, and am constantly busy. Whether it's on the road for meetings or running around the office getting stuff together, I'm nonstop. It's not always like this, it kind of comes and goes. I compare it to a game of jenga. Once it's quiet and steady, something jerks it and the whole thing falls apart. Next week will also be busy, but I won't be on the road quite as much. I just need a vacation. I know we kind of just had one with our Christmas and New Years, but I only had the Monday's after each holiday off, and even then I was running around. My back and shoulders ache from stress. I need a few days to just chill. But that won't be happening, since I work this Saturday, next Saturday, and I'm moving out. C'monnnn February! Bring some peace, please! I think I'm going to make a rule of no longer working on Saturday's. I can't get burned out.

So, as far as my resolutions, I've actually been doing pretty well.

Writing: I have been writing every day in my journal. So glad I'm back to doing that. Actually last night I stayed up until 1 am reading my journals from 09-10. I can't wait to one day give those to my children so they can read about my year with the Mercy Volunteer Corps. Anyways, here are some excerpts from stuff I wrote this week:

Sometimes I still think of you
I keep it a secret inside my heart
IF they knew they'd call me crazy
What they don't know is
How crazy I was for you
They don't know the promises you made me
They don't know you held on too long
And they sure don't know
No they don't know
That I haven't been the same
Since you said no
To us
I still think of what we could have been
You were almost the Noah to my Allie
But now the only notebook
Is the one where I write to you
The letters that you'll never read
They don't know the promises you made me
They don't know you held on too long
And they sure don't know
No they don't know
That I haven't been the same
Since you said no
To us
That summer was good to us
16 months went by and winter destroyed us
It wasn't the cold that took my breath away
It was the broken promises
The distance
And it all fell apart
When you said no to us


One of these days I'll have it all together
One of these days I won't worry
Yeah things are gonna be fine
One of these days
I'll push through the fear
Life will treat me kindly
I'll be in a better place
Oh one of these days

Diet/Exercise: I'd give myself a B. I've been wrting down what I eat on www.livestrong.com (highly recommend it, I think they have an app for you iphone people- it's super easy to use and breaks it down for you). But I haven't been exercising other than talking my dog for a walk around the block. I have to make a decision on gyms...whether I will stay with my Y with the amazing equipment and classes, or move to the Y closer to my new house that's not as up to date facility wise. Hope to decide next week.

Reading: I started two novels between Christmas/New Years that I really could not get into. So, I caved, and I started Hunger Games. Um, thank you to the million people who forced me into it, because holy cow! It's so addicting, and interesting, and fresh! I can't get enough of it. I'm just about halfway through and anticipate being finished by tomorrow night. So good!

Breaking Shyness: Well this week has kind of forced me to do that, and I'm really excited about it. I have really shown that I can be a leader if I push myself hard enough. Outside of the workplace, I did have an experience at Best Buy. I know that sounds crazy. But just hear me out for a second. Part of my social anxiety really hits at stores/restaurants. Because I hate talking to strangers I don't like talking to sales associates or waiters, etc. I hate looking them in the eye and I get totally nervous. I get a headache and my hands clam up, really fast. Well, I had to go to Best Buy to get a new laptop. I knew going in this wasn't just a grab it and go deal, I'd have to talk to the associates. So I did. I asked a few questions and explained what I was looking for to the sales guy, Justin. When I settled on a computer, we learned they didn't have any of that kind in stock. He said I could have the display one. That seemed fine to me. He went to ring me up and we kept talking-not just about the computer. I learned that he's been at Best Buy for five years, he's twenty days older than me, and in six months he'll be out of Best Buy and hopefully at a "real" job in IT. He learned that I work for a hospice, that I'll be out of my parents house soon. Now I realize this all just seems like casual conversation to all of you, but for me, it was a major win.

He also told me that because I was such a nice customer he was going to give me $50 off the computer. He also gave me a three year antivirus program for the price of the two years. So, I learned my lesson- talk, be nice :-D

By the way, my focus word for 2012 is conquer. Let's go. Let's do this thing.