I feel like I'm at the very tippy top of a rollercoaster. I have that pit in my stomach feeling, my hands are gripping tight, and my mind is thinking "am I sure I want to do this?"
I'm moving out of my parents house next weekend. I'm nervous. It doesn't matter that they are 10 minutes away. It's not the fact that I'm getting away from them, and I don't anticipate being "homesick". No, that's not what makes me nervous. What makes me nervous is that I am officially growing up. I have, of course, lived on my own before, but not where I was supporting myself. Not where I was going to work a 9-5 job every day. This is really it.
I've always lived my life in stages, always known what was coming next. I felt safer that way. That's why the time period when I did not have a job was the hardest for me. It was the first time in my life without a plan. And now, although I'm steady in my job, my mind has already gone to the "what if's". What if I run out of money? What if my roommate can't stand me? What if, what if. It goes on and on. I guess I'm a little insecure. For the past year and 1/2 my parents have been supporting me financially and making the household decisions. Now it will be up to me and Susie. I'll be outside of my comfort zone. And that, my friends, terrifies me.
I'm going to turn this blog the other way and list the things I am looking forward too:
-Getting to know Susie better. She's always been a friend to the family, and I know what a great friend she is to my sister, so I am excited to learn more about her and get to know her better.
-Budgeting. I am going to be watching my money very carefully. But one thing I am actually looking forward to is getting back to the "simple living" model that I lived during my year of Mercy Volunteer Corps. Now I'm not saying I want to eat black beans and rice every night for dinner, but I am excited to take aspects of what I learned and put them back into action.
-Having people over for dinner parties. I am excited to cook for myself again and invite a friend over once in a while to enjoy it with me.
-Being so close to Martha. Martha is one of my absolute most favorite people in the entire world and I am ecstatic that I am 3 streets away from her. She gives me awesome advice and is someone I look up to as a successful businesswoman, and more importantly, kick ass mom.
So, wish me luck over these next few weeks as I work out all the details and settle in to my new home. Say some prayers that I stay calm...and don't be surprised if I don't have much interaction with the real world until mid February :)
Love you all! I apologize for the ups and downs of this post. My emotions are out of whack.