rest in peace.

I honestly don't have the energy to muster up a "this is how I did" post about my week. This week sucked. Blew. Tore me apart, brought me down. There's no gentle way to put it. I did not keep up with my resolutions because that was the absolute least of my worries.

Most of you have heard by now that a very tragic event occur ed in my life this week. Someone who I admire, someone who I adore, was taken away from this world. Susan was, without a doubt, the sweetest woman I knew. Last year while I was on my job hunt, she asked me to come to her house every morning, get her kids up and ready for school and onto the bus. She cared a lot about her kids, and even though they were old enough to watch themselves, she felt better having someone there. That someone was me. I loved hanging with those kids every morning, they were sweet and never gave me any trouble. But even more than that, I loved seeing Susan's smiling face the minute I walked in the door. She was always smiling. Always. Never once did I walk in and see her without that smile. She would ask me how I was, how the job search was going, if I had any leads, and would tell me that I was on her prayer list and she hoped I would get a job soon. Before she left every morning, she had a cup of coffee made for me and would thank me- over and over- for coming over and watching the kids.

She didn't need to thank me. Susan was doing me a favor. She was giving me a reason to get up in the morning. She was showing me compassion and human kindness by keeping me in her prayers and encouraging me during my job hunt. She let me into her home and let me care for her beautiful children. I should have been thanking her. Susan showed me what it meant to be a mom. She lived her whole life for those kids.

I had just seen Susan a few weeks ago, when she picked up her oldest son from youth group, which I co-lead. There she was, smile on her face, asking me about my new job and telling me "thank you" for helping out with youth group. I once again came home and said to my mom "mrs jarrell has got to be the sweetest lady ever". Now I will never see he

Now Susan is gone, gone in a way that most of us cannot fathom or begin to grasp. Gone, and the kids are left with no parents. When my mom told me the news I crumbled. I cried. I screamed over and over "oh my god". I still cannot believe it. I still can't believe she's gone. I can't believe what those kids are going through. I can't believe the pain felt by all who knew her.

I want to say thank you for all the people who have had my back this week. Most of my coworkers have been amazing, offering to fill in where needed or just checking up on me. I'd like to particularly thank Sarah, Maggie, and Tierra for their support and lending a listening ear and open arms for a hug.

As most of you know, the youth group pulled together a prayer service on Thursday night in support of Nick. It was a beautiful ceremony. We are also going to have our youth group retreat this weekend, as planned. I imagine the kids will be very emotional. This kind of situation is difficult for anyone to understand, but teenagers especially. Please continue to pray for me, thank you.

I love and appreciate each and every one of you. Don't forget that. It's never too late to tell someone that you love them.

To Susan, I miss you, we all do, and we always will. I will never forget that smile. The world has truly lost a very special person. Your students were touched by your gentle ways, your compassion and understanding. Your kids know how much you loved them, how much you devoted your life to keeping them safe, healthy, and happy. And all of us that had the honor and blessing to know you, we thank you for coming into our lives and touching our hearts. We will take care of the kids, I promise. May you rest in sweet peace and send that smile down to us.

To my mom, who I know will yell at me for making her cry after reading this, Susan always said that you were her kids greatest teacher and biggest advocate. You led the fight to get Nick to UofD and she knows that. Susan loved you, mom, as so many other st hugo parents do. You are an incredible person who gives and gives so much of yourself to others. And I get to call you my mom. I get to nod my head when people tell me how great you are and say "yes, I know". We will get through this together mom. The St. Hugo Community has an angel among them, and her name is Mrs. Carolin.