I know an interview is better than no interview at all. So trust me when I say I am extremely grateful that I had three interviews for amazing positions this past week. It really gave me a boost of confidence, a much needed pick me up. I have no idea how they went...for me, job interviews pretty much go three different ways.
Complete with GIFS. Your welcome.
1.
Oh em gee! That was amazing! They totally LOVED me. I'm so perfect for this job. I'll get a second interview and then the job will be mine. I've got this in the bag. Oooh, how will I decorate my desk? OH! I should start looking at apartments! I can move out now! I have a REAL job.
That? Is called getting my hopes up too high. Overly confident. Then I receive a rejection phone call or letter, and I'm absolutely crushed.
2.
I think it went well. Maybe I said too much, though...or too little. Maybe I could have done this. I wonder what that look she gave me meant. Why did they ask me that? I have a headache
Paranoia. Over analyzing every move, figuring out what I could have done better. Constantly checking my phone/email.
3.
I am so unqualified. I bet other people were so much better. They don't like me. I'll never get a job.
Pessimistic. No confidence.
Really, all three are equally dangerous. I'm happy to report that after some heavy self-talk, I'm remaining pretty calm this time. I hope that sticks, because I'm pretty sure I'll be really upset if I don't get any of them...and then will go back to stressing. (I'm trying not to, I promise I am).
The most frustrating thing for me is this- I know I'm qualified for these jobs. I know I have a remarkable talent for relating to youth and helping them reach their goals. My past supervisors would (and have) back me up on that. I know that even though I can by shy, I am SO passionate about the work I do (or..am trying to do, ha) that it doesn't matter. I just wish I could SHOW this. It's hard to do that in an interview.
I'm trying to be positive, I really am. And compared to where I was a few years ago, I'm 90% more positive. I just hate this feeling of something being missing in my life. In the summer of 2009, I had this feeling that something big was going to be happening for me. I can't quite explain it, but every once in a while I would just have this overwhelming feeling of hope and pride. Then I did the year of MVC at Cristo Rey, and the feeling went away when that year was over. It really makes me think sometimes- was that it? Was that year my one shining moment? That can't be it, right?
I will just be so grateful when someone gives me a chance.
PS: Thank you for everyone who has been praying for me. Trust me, if it's good news, I will tell you. I will probably hire a helicopter to write in the sky "MEGAN GOT A JOB".
1 comment:
Oh Megan ... reading this made me want to cry for you. I know exactly how you're feeling right now, and I know how stressful, discouraging, and filled with uncertainty it can be. Knowing what your passion is but having to rely on others to make it a reality is one of the toughest things out there. Optimism is so important, but sometimes you just can't help getting down. You can't help how you feel. That said -- you have approached and navigated this with such strength and grace. Words can't express how much I admire your positivity and perseverance.
Your year with MVC was absolutely a shining moment, and I have complete faith that you'll have many more. You are so talented and have SO much to give. Someone's going to see that. They're going to give you that chance, and you'll continue to change the world for the better.
Hang in there <3
(I wish we could visit again and have another coffee chat - something tells me we'd talk and talk about this until Starbucks kicked us out!)
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