I went to Church today. I won't lie to you, it had been a while since I sat through a Catholic Mass. I went through a bit of a questioning period this past summer where i was trying out other faiths.
But then my dad was diagnosed with cancer, and somehow I was drawn back to St.Hugo. Maybe that makes me a bad Catholic or even selfish. But in the last few weeks I have been reminded that St. Hugo is home. And I want to be home. Plus, I feel a desire stronger than ever to be closer to God.
During the homily, the priest said "grateful people are happy. Ungrateful people cannot be happy".
I thought about this for the rest of Mass. I am not always grateful. I try to be, but sometimes I let negativity win and I forget how to be grateful. It's easier to be negative and to feel hopeless. I know those feelings well. And sometimes I let them take over. I whine and complain and push away all the good things, pretending not to see them. I full on convince myself that life sucks and it's never going to get any better.
But those are lies. Life is hard, and it throw really strange and difficulty things at you, but there's still a glimmer of hope and there's still beauty. There is always something beautiful happening, even when things seem to be falling apart.
I'm going to try my best to look for the beautiful things. I can't promise I will be 100% successful. I can't tell you I'll hop on here every day and list every beautiful thing that happened that day. But I can promise that I will try. I'll look for them, and be grateful. Because grateful people are happy and I want to be happy.
Right now, in my seat, I see a few beautiful things. I see my best friend on the couch next to me, letting me watch the Tigers even though she doesn't really care. I see a house that I have lived in for almost two years. I see a cat who I pretend to hate but actually love. I see the Tigers winning 1-0. I see a lot of beautiful things. And I am grateful for them.
Have a good week everyone. Find the beauty.
Sunday, October 13, 2013
Wednesday, October 9, 2013
Weight Loss Wednesday: Week 14
Hey, ya'll.
I was REALLY excited when I stepped on the scale Saturday because I had, in fact, lost two pounds, putting me at a total of 19 pounds. I was so excited I practically ran out of the locker room to call my mom and text my friends.
But then my monthly visitor came Sunday night, and I gained 6 lbs overnight from it.
I know it's "water weight" and I know I'll lose it when my visitor leaves, but it's frustrating as heck to see the scale hop up like that. I am now not allowed to weigh myself until next week. Last time, I lost the "extra pounds" but didn't lose any on top of that. So we'll see how it goes this month.
It's been really hard to focus on weight loss between having a bad head cold, my aunt passing away and my dad's recent cancer diagnosis. But I'm still trying. I am still making healthy choices.
As far as the alcohol thing goes, I don't know if I really lost weight faster without drinking, but I am still cutting back on my alcohol intake overall. In the long run it will just be better for me.
I did have someone approach me at the gym today to tell me how great I looked. She said you can definitely see a difference and that I should be proud of myself. She said each week she just sees me looking smaller. It was someone I don't run into all that often, so I was really glad to hear such great compliments from her.
Because of my cold my workouts this week have not been as intense. My lung capacity isn't all that strong and just 10 minutes on the elliptical totally wipes me out. I don't want this to develop into pneumonia so I have been taking it somewhat easy, working on core work and weights and doing some walking.
Oh. And I have my 5k for Gilda's Club this weekend. Between everything going on I almost forgot about it. I called today and had them switch my registration from runner to walker, because there's no way I can run that thing, especially if I'm still hacking. I'm excited about it though, it's supposed to be a beautiful day and it's for such a good cause. The mission of Gilda's Club hits home even harder now, with my dad's diagnosis. I'll be walking for him. If you wish to donate in honor of my dad, you can do so here: http://gildasfamilywalkandrun.kintera.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=1073855&lis=1&kntae1073855=B27623B04F2F4880A7EBD29CC00AAE96&supId=387820401
I'll check back next week, hopefully with some more encouraging news and an update on how the 5k went. In the mean time, we gotta just keep on trucking along.
I was REALLY excited when I stepped on the scale Saturday because I had, in fact, lost two pounds, putting me at a total of 19 pounds. I was so excited I practically ran out of the locker room to call my mom and text my friends.
But then my monthly visitor came Sunday night, and I gained 6 lbs overnight from it.
I know it's "water weight" and I know I'll lose it when my visitor leaves, but it's frustrating as heck to see the scale hop up like that. I am now not allowed to weigh myself until next week. Last time, I lost the "extra pounds" but didn't lose any on top of that. So we'll see how it goes this month.
It's been really hard to focus on weight loss between having a bad head cold, my aunt passing away and my dad's recent cancer diagnosis. But I'm still trying. I am still making healthy choices.
As far as the alcohol thing goes, I don't know if I really lost weight faster without drinking, but I am still cutting back on my alcohol intake overall. In the long run it will just be better for me.
I did have someone approach me at the gym today to tell me how great I looked. She said you can definitely see a difference and that I should be proud of myself. She said each week she just sees me looking smaller. It was someone I don't run into all that often, so I was really glad to hear such great compliments from her.
Because of my cold my workouts this week have not been as intense. My lung capacity isn't all that strong and just 10 minutes on the elliptical totally wipes me out. I don't want this to develop into pneumonia so I have been taking it somewhat easy, working on core work and weights and doing some walking.
Oh. And I have my 5k for Gilda's Club this weekend. Between everything going on I almost forgot about it. I called today and had them switch my registration from runner to walker, because there's no way I can run that thing, especially if I'm still hacking. I'm excited about it though, it's supposed to be a beautiful day and it's for such a good cause. The mission of Gilda's Club hits home even harder now, with my dad's diagnosis. I'll be walking for him. If you wish to donate in honor of my dad, you can do so here: http://gildasfamilywalkandrun.kintera.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=1073855&lis=1&kntae1073855=B27623B04F2F4880A7EBD29CC00AAE96&supId=387820401
I'll check back next week, hopefully with some more encouraging news and an update on how the 5k went. In the mean time, we gotta just keep on trucking along.
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
How Are you?
Hey people. I'm not sure what this blog post will turn out to be, but I was itching to write and so I'm writing.
I'm really tired. I could list all of the things that have happened in the past few weeks but most of you are aware of them and that wouldn't really be productive. It's just been a lot.
I am at the point now where I am numb. I don't really feel anything, I can't cry. I'm just going through the motions of life.
I am pissed that my dad has to deal with all of this because he's too young and cool and wonderful to have this deck of cards handed to him. It's not fair. And I know he's not the only one and that so many people are going through the same thing. But it's still not fair and I hate it. I wish that we could magically take this all away so he could be healthy and not have to deal with it anymore.
But he is a fighter and I know he'll kick cancers ass to the curb cuz that's just how he rolls. I just wish he wouldn't have to.
I am trying my very best to be positive, be strong. But it's hard. And I think I deserve to be pissed.
I got to the point today, after my aunts funeral, where I could truly feel emotionally drained. I felt it in every muscle of my body. I just wanted to put on a hoodie, crawl into bed and hide for a week. Instead I went to dinner with my best friend. Because hiding isn't going to do anything. I have to keep on living, as best I can.
I guess that's all any of us can do, really. Just keep living. Or we could be like Dory and just keep swimming. We can't just stop and we certainly can't give up. We can crumble at times, but then we have to dust off and keep going. Accepting that this sucks, but understanding that we have to fight.
I want you all to know that we really can feel your prayers. At least, I can. I can explain it best by saying it feels like I am being hugged by angels. Like you guys are all carrying me, not visibly but spiritually. And that, my friends, is what is keeping me going. So keep the prayers coming.
On a sidenote I have loved seeing my family these past two days. I hate that it was for a funeral for my vibrant, passionate aunt Terry but I did love hugging and laughing with them. My uncle brad who has always been a favorite of mine tugged on my ponytail and called me "Megsie" like he used to do when I was little. My sweet aunt pat gave lots of hugs. My cousin Shannon , someone I've always loved dearly, gave me sand in a jar from our family vacation spot. It was just great to see them.
I know things will be okay. And I promise I'm trying to be positive. But don't be alarmed if I just fall into someone's arms just because I need a hug.
I'm really tired. I could list all of the things that have happened in the past few weeks but most of you are aware of them and that wouldn't really be productive. It's just been a lot.
I am at the point now where I am numb. I don't really feel anything, I can't cry. I'm just going through the motions of life.
I am pissed that my dad has to deal with all of this because he's too young and cool and wonderful to have this deck of cards handed to him. It's not fair. And I know he's not the only one and that so many people are going through the same thing. But it's still not fair and I hate it. I wish that we could magically take this all away so he could be healthy and not have to deal with it anymore.
But he is a fighter and I know he'll kick cancers ass to the curb cuz that's just how he rolls. I just wish he wouldn't have to.
I am trying my very best to be positive, be strong. But it's hard. And I think I deserve to be pissed.
I got to the point today, after my aunts funeral, where I could truly feel emotionally drained. I felt it in every muscle of my body. I just wanted to put on a hoodie, crawl into bed and hide for a week. Instead I went to dinner with my best friend. Because hiding isn't going to do anything. I have to keep on living, as best I can.
I guess that's all any of us can do, really. Just keep living. Or we could be like Dory and just keep swimming. We can't just stop and we certainly can't give up. We can crumble at times, but then we have to dust off and keep going. Accepting that this sucks, but understanding that we have to fight.
I want you all to know that we really can feel your prayers. At least, I can. I can explain it best by saying it feels like I am being hugged by angels. Like you guys are all carrying me, not visibly but spiritually. And that, my friends, is what is keeping me going. So keep the prayers coming.
On a sidenote I have loved seeing my family these past two days. I hate that it was for a funeral for my vibrant, passionate aunt Terry but I did love hugging and laughing with them. My uncle brad who has always been a favorite of mine tugged on my ponytail and called me "Megsie" like he used to do when I was little. My sweet aunt pat gave lots of hugs. My cousin Shannon , someone I've always loved dearly, gave me sand in a jar from our family vacation spot. It was just great to see them.
I know things will be okay. And I promise I'm trying to be positive. But don't be alarmed if I just fall into someone's arms just because I need a hug.
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
Weight Loss Wednesday: Week 13
I am pretty proud to say: I haven't gained any weight. I haven't lost any, either, but I am more proud that I haven't gained.
Between the stress of Dad's diagnosis, not eating on my regular schedule, eating hospital food, not working out, and being in a wedding this past weekend, I am SHOCKED that I haven't gained. I tried to make as many good choices as possible, but I have spent most of the last week outside of my house, and it's harder to be good on your diet.
I am not going to give up and tomorrow I am getting myself back into my early morning workout routine. I need to get healthy now more than ever- not just for me but for my Dad. I know I am going to need to help care for him, and I can only do so much if I am not healthy myself.
Now that my dad has had his surgery, he will be able to go home in a few days and begin to recover for the radiation/chemo process. That means no more long nights in his hospital room, grabbing food when I can and skipping my workouts. That means I can go back to working a normal day, eating when I am used to eating and working out before work. I know, of course, that at any given moment things can change again, and he or my mom will need me.
This hasn't been easy, kids. As an emotional eater, all I want to do lately is eat. The stress has made me crave sweets. I'm tired and crabby and I just want to sleep. But my dad needs me, and so I will make him proud.
You know, every single day so far people have asked me what I need, or what they can do to help. On a personal note, I need hugs. Like, lots and lots of hugs. I also need people to help me continue on my weight loss journey. Don't let me snack on the cookies and treats that are brought to us and don't let me stress eat. Encourage me to continue to work out. Just be with me.
I love you all. In addition to my dad kicking cancer's ass, I gotta kick my own ass. #carolinstrong
Between the stress of Dad's diagnosis, not eating on my regular schedule, eating hospital food, not working out, and being in a wedding this past weekend, I am SHOCKED that I haven't gained. I tried to make as many good choices as possible, but I have spent most of the last week outside of my house, and it's harder to be good on your diet.
I am not going to give up and tomorrow I am getting myself back into my early morning workout routine. I need to get healthy now more than ever- not just for me but for my Dad. I know I am going to need to help care for him, and I can only do so much if I am not healthy myself.
Now that my dad has had his surgery, he will be able to go home in a few days and begin to recover for the radiation/chemo process. That means no more long nights in his hospital room, grabbing food when I can and skipping my workouts. That means I can go back to working a normal day, eating when I am used to eating and working out before work. I know, of course, that at any given moment things can change again, and he or my mom will need me.
This hasn't been easy, kids. As an emotional eater, all I want to do lately is eat. The stress has made me crave sweets. I'm tired and crabby and I just want to sleep. But my dad needs me, and so I will make him proud.
You know, every single day so far people have asked me what I need, or what they can do to help. On a personal note, I need hugs. Like, lots and lots of hugs. I also need people to help me continue on my weight loss journey. Don't let me snack on the cookies and treats that are brought to us and don't let me stress eat. Encourage me to continue to work out. Just be with me.
I love you all. In addition to my dad kicking cancer's ass, I gotta kick my own ass. #carolinstrong
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