As you all know, a big part of my weight loss journey has been SHARING my journey. I've talked about the ups and downs, the emotional journey, I've shown you countless before and after photos, I've shared recipes and workout tips...I've been totally honest with you, for two full years.
So today I am here to tell you: I had a hard day,
Today was my yearly physical. I am about 4 months overdue. Since my last physical, I have lost 62 lbs. 117 total. I was really excited to go to the doctor today. I was expecting her to be very enthusiastic about how far I've come. I was also confident that my blood work would show how much healthier I've become.
For the most part, she was great. She was happy with how far I've come, and proud of my accomplishments. But towards the end of my appointment, I expressed to her that I'm finding it harder and harder to drop lbs (I've only lost 17 lbs since February). I said that I was wondering if it was becoming more difficult because I was getting closer to where my body needs to be, and I wanted to know what she thought about that. She told me she was going to look at a few things, and then come back in.
She came back, and handed me the BMI chart. I am not going to post a picture of the BMI chart here because I do not want it to be a negative trigger for someone else. But basically, according to this chart, which has not been updated since the 1800's, I still fall in the "unhealthy" category. In fact, I am still borderline obese.
I burst into tears. This is not what I was expecting, or hoping, for her to say. First of all, to be considered a "healthy" weight on that chart, I still need to drop a whopping 30 pounds. And, as I mentioned before, considering it has taken me 5 months to drop 17 pounds, the thought of having to do another 30 seems near impossible. I know it's not, and I do ENJOY working out, I was just hoping I was getting to the point where I no longer needed to do 5 days of workouts, every single damn week.
Secondly, that chart is kinda BS. I have done a lot of reading on that chart today, and there are several articles talking about why that chart should not be a measurement tool. It doesn't account for bone structure or muscle mass. According to that chart, my brother in law Dave, who is an extremely healthy, active, strong, slender young man, is obese. Most people ignore that chart. So for her to hand it to me as if that was my answer was a slap in the face.
I cried, you guys. I cried a lot. I cried when she gave it to me, I cried for an hour in the parking lot, I cried on the phone to my mom, and I cried in Tom's arms.
But after thinking about it for the day, and chatting with a friend who has also lost 115 lbs, I am NOT going to let that chart, or this appointment, define me. I have set a personal goal for myself and I am not too far away from that goal- so THAT is what I am aiming for, not some number on a chart from the 1800's.
ALSO- I know for a fact that my health is improved, so even though this scale wants to call me unhealthy, I'm not. News flash, overweight does not always equal unhealthy and normal weight does not always equal healthy.
When you've been focusing on weight loss for two years, when it is the main focus of your entire LIFE, it's really hard to ignore numbers. Every SINGLE day I count calories in and calories out. I measure my waist. I step on the scale. I check my clothing size. I increase how many reps I do. I increase the weight I lift. It seems as though everything is about numbers. So it's really easy to tell me to ignore the numbers and to focus on how I feel, but at the end of the day, at some point, I need to stop focusing on losing weight and start focusing on maintaining it.
I am really damn proud of myself, by the way. I just want to make that clear. I know that I have a few friends who are worried that I am spending too much time focusing on getting to that goal weight rather than being proud of where I am. Trust me, I'm proud. I just have a little bit to go before I can say "You've done it, Megan".
Thank you all for your incredible support, and for reading the not so fun posts like this one. I'll close by telling you what Tom said tonight:
"BMI should stand for Bitch, Megan's Incredible".
PS: If you want to read some of the articles on why BMI is not accurate, here you go: