6 months.

Dear Ryan,
I'm exhausted. As I type this I am fighting my eyes from closing and looking at my achey, swollen fingers. Today was a long day at work full of meetings and discussions and battles. All I really want to do is curl up in a ball and fall asleep.

But I can't. Because I have so much to do. Laundry, bills, cleaning, getting ready for a big event at work tomorrow. It's times like these I am extremely jealous of you, my little sweet pea. I'd give anything to have your innocence back and to spend my days sleeping, eating, and playing.

I know you won't remember what life was like at 6 months old. But I can tell you- you've got it good, kid. You have family and friends that adore you and want to spend time with you, who love watching your milestones unfold and hearing stories of the new things you've learned. All eyes are on you, and we love you so much.

Lately there's been a lot of really icky things happening in the news. You may hear about it one day. And if you do I hope you remember that despite all of that, there's still good in the world. You still have the ability to choose good, to choose love. Remember to always help people when they are hurting. When disaster strikes, no matter the size of such disaster, you can always help.

I spent some time with you this past Saturday. I had really missed you and wanted to see your little face. I took you for a walk with Grandpa and Clancy. It was really special. You behaved so well, you didn't make a peep the whole time. And you stared at me as we walked and I chatted with Grandpa, like you were listening to every word. I know it sounds crazy but I really feel like you and I understand each other. I know. How can a 6 month old understand me? But I think you do. I can't wait for you to get a little bigger, to start walking and talking, so we can have some wonderful conversations.

This month has felt very long. A lot of things happened in my personal life and at my work, and it seems like everything is all pushing together. But here we are, April 30th, and you are 6 months old.

I cannot ever express how much I love you, but I can tell you that I did not know this kind of love existed until you were born. And I know it's only going to grow from here. Happy 6 month birthday, Ryzinga.