one month.

Dear Ryan,

Hooray Hooray! You are a month old! Even better news, you are healthy and strong. I am so happy to have you in my life. When I am holding you and your hands reach out, it’s like you are trying to figure out who is holding you, trying to memorize faces with your hands. When you do that, I give those little hands a little kiss. It’s my message back to you, to say, I’m here. Always.

We celebrated thanksgiving this month. Your mommy and daddy came over to Grandma and Grandpa’s house, I was there too. It was a simple thanksgiving, different than what we are used to. We broke tradition a little bit. We wanted to be with our little turkey. We had fun, the five of us, as we always do. We were all thankful for the same thing: you. You have brought so much joy into our lives, Ryan. We are all head over heels in love with you. We love you unconditionally. We’re learning how to take care of you and you are growing so fast already.

I had a really bad day today, Ryan, on your one month. It was one of those days where nearly everything went wrong. I cried, hard, in front of people at my job, which I never do. I always hold it together in front of them. But today I couldn't. And you know what? They cared. They hugged me, told me it was going to be okay, and asked how they could help. I knew I worked with cool people, but I didn't realize what good friends they could be, too. And you know what else? What gave me peace? Seeing a picture of you. Your daddy sent me a picture of you in a onesie that I had bought you, it has a dinosaur on it and says My Aunt loves Me. It was so cute and you looked adorable. And it reminded me that what I am going through right now won’t matter in 1, 5, 10 years. That it is temporary. That I can do this. I have faith. I have faith because of you, Ryan. You are the reason I know that I can keep going. You are our little gift from God. So thank you, sweet pea.

I just want to be sure you know how much we love you. I will tell you that over and over, so get used to it. Because love means home and you should know you always have a home.

Happy One Month, Little Guy. Little Ry Fry. Love you.