Thursday, July 5, 2012

single ladies

"I know you're sad because all of your friends are getting married or dating and you're not"
"I mean, do you even want kids? you're not even dating anyone?"
"Why don't you just go out and meet someone?"
"You don't have to become a nun just because you can't find anyone to date"

These are just four of the things said to me recently s in regards to my love life. Let me answer them for you

1. I'll admit I want to be dating someone, and someday I want my dream wedding, but I do not curl up in a ball and think "I'm so sad about this". I get frustrated, I get antsy...but I am happy for my friends.
2. Yes I want kids.
3. Where?
4. I'm not becoming a nun. I'm becoming an associate. Which is not a nun. And that wouldn't be my reason for becoming a nun anyways.

Hi. I'm Megan. and I'm single. When people ask if I'm dating anyone or if I have a boyfriend or how my love life is going, and I answer "no, I'm not dating" they give me this look as if I just told them I have stage 4 lung cancer. Like "oh, you poor dear, not dating. Hmm. I wonder why not". I can see their minds turning, trying to figure it out. I am convinced that  a few people think I'm gay. Which, by the way, I'm not, but I have friends who are and I fully support gay rights. Just to clear that up :)

Since when is it not okay to be single? I am 24. My mom didn't meet my dad until she was 28, and she didn't date much prior to that. But now there's all this PRESSURE to get married, start a family. And then there is the opposite. I have my sweet friends who tell me to be patient.  I'm trying, but it's not as if I WANT to be single or treated like an abused puppy.

Two of my friends and I have each dipped into online dating. (Because, fyi, when you work with all women who are older than you, it's pretty hard to meet men) For their sake I won't share their names and specific stories but let's just say this: we've all dated and dealt with some real jerks. One of my friends was just dumped by a guy, after a great date they had, and then had to drive 40 minutes home at 2 am. They had been dating for a few weeks. He could have given her the common courtesy to end things prior to this date. I have also gone on dates with a few guys here and there, and besides one who I dated for a few months and then ended it myself, most of them have not turned out well.

And you know, I am well aware that I am not America's Next Top Model. I've been hearing for most of my life that I have "such a pretty face" which, by the way, is not always a compliment. I know that if I'm at the bar with my friends I won't be the girl someone chooses. (This is not a self pity moment, this is the truth) I know that maybe if I lost weight I wouldn't have such an issue with self confidence or meeting guys. But also, I want someone who will like me for me, not for a skinnier me just because I'm skinnier.

Moving aside from my personal issues (thank you for letting me vent)- we ladies aren't going to take this anymore. We aren't going to take being treated like dirt. We have our guards up because we've dated men who force us to do so with their silly games and harsh words. Our 20's and 30's are still for learning who we are in life and who we want to be- we aren't going to let some silly boy who has the maturity of 13 year old tear down our self worth. We are not worthless or inadequate. We can't let men or judgmental others tell us otherwise.

I meant for this to be empowering (ish) but I'm not sure it will be taken that way. In short: it's okay to be single. That's really where I was going with this. We will find our prince charmings, somewhere.


Shari said... Add Reply

I get #3 all the time ... my response lately has been "okay ... tell me where to do that, and I'll give it a try." Funny how that normally ends the conversation :P

You know, as corny as it may sound, I really do believe that people comes into our lives for a reason and that things happen when they're supposed to ... even when the timing seems so frustrating. We'll all get there, though ... and in the meantime, why not enjoy every day just how it is? :)

Anonymous said... Add Reply

megs u r a strong lady .. keep strong u r without a doubt the greatest, or least right up there. u no who

Anonymous said... Add Reply

I'd rather be "Happily Single" than "Misserably Married" like quite a few people I know!!!

Try that line, Meggie. That ought to shut them up! LOL!!!