When my year with Mercy Volunteer Corps was coming to a close, someone said "This year will always have an impact on you. It might not happen right away, but it will hit you."
It's happening. Only, not MVC. I don't think that time has come yet. I'm really missing college lately. I graduated in 2009 and then went right into my year of volunteering. Now, I really miss college. This probably comes as a surprise to those who know me quite well, considering I could not wait to get out. But here's the thing I miss it in two different ways...
First, I miss it in that I miss the nights of laughter. Particularly my last two years...when we would have Christmas movie marathons and drink hot chocolate, or spend rainy Sunday's playing RockBand. I miss frat parties and my secret little coffee shop and the spot on East Campus where you can see all of Kalmazoo. I miss watching Greys and Idol with a room full of my best friends. I miss dance parties in the kitchen. I miss driving to the den with Lauren. I miss classes. (Yep. True)
The other side of it is...I've grown up a lot since then. I am a different person. And I just wish I could go back and tell myself how to act, what decisions to make. I miss the good times, and it also makes me sad that I can't go back and change a few things around. No matter how many times I can say "Oh, I wouldn't change anything, it made me who I am, no regrets", deep down I know...I'd do anything to change those circumstances. And I don't really understand what I was supposed to learn from all the sucky things that happened...trust no one? Because that's what I learned. I learned that even people who call you sister will still stab you in the back. Not a great memory to have from college, friends.
If I could, I would go back in a second. I'd put my hands on my 18 year old selfs shoulders and guide her through the next four years carefully. But I can't do that, so I will try my best to remember the good times I had and be grateful for the bad, even though they leave me bitter, I will try to remember that I am stronger because of them. Forget regret, no day but today.