I've posted a couple times now that I gained a few pounds over the summer. My dad's hospitalization in the spring really took a toll on me, and in those few months, I gained a few extra pounds. I've gone up and down, but mostly have been hovering at about 4 lbs my goal weight. I know. 4 stinking pounds.
And I try to act like it doesn't bother me, I nod along when people tell me I'm too hard on myself. I read blogs about weight loss plateaus and how the scale doesn't matter. But I'm still bothered by it. I let a number define me. After all my preaching to other people about not paying attention to the scale.
Last Monday, I had a doctors appointment. I was terrified. I thought for sure she would say something about my weight. I wore my lightest outfit and cringed when I stepped on the scale in the hallway, certain that the nurse assistant would comment on the increase on the scale. Neither of them said a word.
Because I think I'm the only one who cares.
I take that back, I know I'm the only one who cares.
I workout somewhere between 3-5 days a week. Admittedly, these past few months have been rough and it's closer to 3 than 5 most weeks. But I do my best. I drink a lot of water, and I eat pretty well. Overall, I am really healthy person. I also know that my stress level has been incredibly high, which can make you gain weight, even if you're healthy.
So why can't I let that number go? Why am I holding myself to a number?
Why can't I truly be okay with "not looking at the scale"?
I don't know.
I can't control the number that shows up on that thing.
What I can control is how often I exercise and what I put in my body. So I have to shift my focus on those two things, and letting go of the number on the scale. Letting go of beating myself up. I need to embrace that I am alive, I am here, and I am moving forward.
This goes for any number- your salary, age, etc. We are not those numbers. We are more. It's time to start treating ourselves like it.
PS- I know, I've written about this before. But as it came up again, I found myself needing to let it out...again....