Weight Update: I'm not sure. haha. I have lost like 24.5 lbs or something silly like that. I am not weighing myself, though, until the last week in November. Because currently my body is adjusting to some different medications, plus I think I am focusing too much on the numbers on the scale. So I'm gonna give it a little break and be back with a number on November 27th (which is also the day I see my doctor again).
So, I really wasn't sure what to talk about in this blog. I feel like last week covered a lot of it. But then I started to think about my retreat again, and how my spirituality is playing a part in my weight loss.
I don't think God cares what I look like. I think He'd love me no matter what. But, I do think He cares what I FEEL like. And I think He wants me to be able to be healthy to take care of myself and others. At my starting weight on this journey, I wasn't healthy. I'm getting healthier now and have a long way to go. And I certainly did not feel good. I felt sick almost all the time, whether it was a headache, upset stomach, lethargy. God doesn't want that for me. He wants me to feel energized and free.
Also, for me, a big portion of this journey is an emotional one. I don't want to have to turn to food in every stressful situation. So I have trained my mind to turn to prayer or encouragement instead. When I'm stressed, food is not my first option anymore. Previously, under stress, I'd eat a whole pizza or a supersize McDonalds meal. (I remember once in college I was really stressed about money because I had like $10 in my bank account- so what did I do? Go to McDonalds. And spent $6 of that $10). Now, I count to ten, drink some water, take a walk, go find a friend to talk to who will make me laugh. I'll look up encouraging quotes or read the "daily motivation" from The Berry.
I am eating wiser now. We had boxes upon boxes of donuts in the office yesterday. The old me would have grabbed one of those giant, glazed and frosted chocolate ones with tons of sprinkles. Actually, the old me would have eaten two or three of these. The new me looked at all the donuts, smelled a big chocolate one, and grabbed a plain. (which by the way, is still hefty in the calorie count). I didn't want to totally deny myself, but I didn't want to go crazy, either. That's just an example of the daily things that go on in my head. I try not to stress or worry about food- but I do pay close attention to what I am eating.
If you ask me, everyone has something that tempts them that isn't good for them. Gambling, alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, gossip, lies, etc. Mine is food. And now I know how to deal with it. Now I know how to care about myself enough to turn away from temptation.
Why now? Why at 26 years old? Folks that's a question I can't answer. My weight has been on ongoing battle since I was a teenager. And trust me, I've tried things before. Weight watchers, Atkins, gym memberships, nutritionist. I've tried it all. Something just snapped in me a few months ago, after a very heavy conversation with my parents, that made me realize how unhealthy I was. I was also really depressed, and had someone told me back in January/February that I needed to lose weight before something bad happened, I would have said "oh well, who cares". But I care now. Something made me want to actually start living my life again. And now, it wasn't Tom, because we weren't dating when I started this. I just, suddenly, realized that I didn't really like being unhealthy and depressed.
That's my post for today. Maybe next week will be more exciting!