major milestone.

I the fall of 2007; one of my best friends, Jess, introduced me to Taylor Swift's music. Her debut album had been released a year prior and she was  gaining attention for her songs "Tim McGraw" and "Teardrops on My Guitar". On first listen to one of her songs I immediatley went out and bought her album. I had never been a country fan, but that wasn't what drew (ha, swiftie pun) me to Taylor. It was her songwriting. The fact that she was a teenager and writing every single one of her songs really inspiried me. And they were GOOD. I admired how she just poured her heart out into those songs and had no intention of holding back.

Ever since the day I bought Taylor's first album I have been writing. I bought a leather journal and would sit in my college apartment, writing on scrap paper and then copying it into the journal. The very first "song" in there was from November 2007. A few months later, Taylor was playing a show at our college. Jess and I went, along with our friends Sam and Lauren. By some force of divine intervention, met Taylor. I brought my journal with me to that show and asked her to sign it. I will never forget the look on her face. She grabbed it and said "that is SO AWESOME". And then she said "Please fill that book up! Keep writing!"

Her signature on my book

It is now August 2012, and I just filled out the last page in that journal. I cannot tell you the absolute overwhelming emotion that I felt when I closed the book. Every single emotion that I have felt over the past six (almost!) years is held in that book.

I read through each and every single page last night and I wanted to share some of my thoughts.

There are 110 songs.

52 are about a personal relationship. Mostly boys, but some friends as well. There are seven boys that have more than three songs about them. There is one boy with 14 songs about him. He wins. Second place goes to the boy with 6 songs about him.
20 are personal stories about my transitions, memories,emotions/struggle with depression or anxiety. Most of these were written during times of change. Graduating, leaving mvc, trying to find a job.
15 are written based off a friends life/relationship/something I read in a book or heard in a song. Most of these are my favorites, actually.
10 are inspirational; meant to help others.
9 are written about a friend or someone who has inspired me. Most are titled after that person. The very first one I ever wrote falls under this category, and it is about Melinda Doolittle.
3 are about God.

There are many that have been shared over the years, some that have never been shared. I just want to post the last one I wrote, tonight. This one was really fun to write as I wanted to include everything. I also wanted to incorporate my favorite children's story, Peter Pan. So that's what I did. I hope you like it.

"Peter Pan" by Megan Carolin

ive years of memories
held together in a book
I wrote about the pain I felt
brought on by chemical imbalances
And how I felt trapped by demons
I won’t forge the dark times, they made me
stronger
Peter Pan told me
never say goodbye
that goodbye means forgetting
I’m saying goodbye but I’ll never forget
And I’ve gotta grow up
Unless I can spot the second star to the right
and fly away to neverland tonight
 I wrote about the first time I saw
you, and him, and that other guy
how my heart just couldn’t take it
and I fell too fast
I wrote about when he left
when he told me he’d never leave me
yet I haven’t seen him since
And I haven’t forgotten him
Peter Pan told me
never say goodbye
that goodbye means forgetting
I’m saying goodbye but I’ll never forget
And I’ve gotta grow up
Unless I can spot the second star to the right
and fly away to neverland tonight
I wrote about that summer
2008, when my best friend and I
have never felt so free
and all the music that changed our lives
And I wrote about the losses
Amanda and Laurence are forever on my heart
With their messages of hope and walk on
And they are never forgotten
Peter Pan told me
never say goodbye
that goodbye means forgetting
I’m saying goodbye but I’ll never forget
And I’ve gotta grow up
Unless I can spot the second star to the right
and fly away to neverland tonight
I wrote about the year my life changed
All thanks to a few teenagers with a dream
In a city with dead lights and lost hope
In a house with three beautiful folks
And I wrote about all the people
Who have saved my soul
And I’ll never forget
That they saved my soul
Peter Pan told me
never say goodbye
that goodbye means forgetting
I’m saying goodbye but I’ll never forget
And I’ve gotta grow up
Unless I can spot the second star to the right
and fly away to neverland tonight  
 I wrote about my future
And where I’ll go from here
Where will I go from here
As I lay five years to rest
As I say goodbye
But never forget
And grow up, but still live
Because to live
would be an awfully big adventure
-megan carolin; august 2012


As far as the Taylor connection goes, I continue to listen to her music daily, and she continues to inspire me. I often wonder how many people have asked her to sign their journals, if I was the first. I also despretly want to meet her again and show her that I finished it.

People sometimes ask me what I'll do with these songs. I don't know. I can't write or play music and I certainly cannot sing. But someone once told me "babygirl, someone's got to sing those songs". That someone is now the same person I refer to as Voldemort, but that statement was the only honest thing he ever said to me. Maybe I will send them somewhere. Maybe I will stalk Taylor or Kelly Clarkson until they read them and find one that they can record. I'm really not sure. For now, I am just going to read them over and over again and remember these past six years and all the growing up I have done.

To all the boys and friends who caused me pain, look at me now.

To all the beautiful people who inspired the happy songs, thank you for saving my soul.

To every single person who has read something I wrote; I love you, and thank you for supporting me.

To my writing inspirations: Taylor Swift; Kelly Clarkson; The Spill Canvas; Melinda Doolittle; Mandisa; NeverShoutNever; Ed Sheeran; Lady Antebellum; Crystal Bowersox; Gavin DeGraw; Jason Mraz; and Sara Barielles: Thousands and thousands of hugs to all of you for making music that gave me strength and power to keep going.

Muah.