finding inspiration

I'd be lying if I said everything was just peachy right now. It's been tough. But, an old friend recently messaged me on fb to say that I seemed really happy. Well, I'm glad I seem that way. Actually I'm not sure if that's good or bad. But, I'm going to focus on the good for my readers sake.

I made a resolution to write more. It makes me happy, it's my outlet. I wasn't sure how well that would turn out because there is not much going on in my life to inspire me. Well, it's the end of January and I have written twelve new poems/song lyrics with three unfinished pieces. That's the most I've written in a month since I started writing. I just let inspiration come to me instead of searching for it. I'd hear a phrase or have a dream and just start writing with no looking back. It really sort of amazed me how easy it was. I don't expect that to stick, because I pretty much hit every topic possible this month, but who knows. I'm not going to pressure it. We'll see! I'm going to include some of my favorites at the end of thise post. Also, please please please if you have something you'd LIKE to see written, tell me.

Also...as much as things are kind of sucky right now, I've been blessed to find positivity in my job. It was hard to find it, but I'm holding onto it now that I have. One of them is one of my coworkers. She is not only one of the funniest people I've ever met, but she stands up for me and supports me in a way that is so genuine. She's also one of the most compassionate people I know. Although this job can be frustrating she so obviously cares about the kids and the program. I'm extremly grateful that she has come into my life. The second is one of our scholars. We'll call her Amber. These girls have been hard to get close too. I don't know if it's me, them, what. Amber is the one I thought I would have the biggest problem with- she really challenged me in the beginning. But she is quickly becoming one of my favorite people (shh). She's extremly mature and honest, which is a breath of fresh air for a teenage girl. She asks me about my life and I know she's not bieng fake or just trying to make conversation, she actually cares. And I really care about her. I worry about her, there's a lot going on that she has to push through. But I know with her strength she will make it, and I can't wait for the day she makes it big.

I know this was a random post without much "juice". Sorry. Here are some of my favorite things I've written this month. Comments are appreciated.

"Never Alone"
Megan Carolin, Jan 2011
As the tears crash down from your tired eyes
And fall like weights into your hands
Take a deep breath, look to the sky
Find peace knowing your fears
Won’t last forever
Someone is coming to save you
You are never alone
Your story is not over yet
Keep writing with the words inside your heart
Don’t let anyone take that away
You say you need a rescue
Look inside your self
Find that strength deep inside
Force fear to escape your mind
Say a prayer, sing outloud, write it all out
Whatever brings you peace
We’re waiting for you to shine
Because you are never alone


"Wait, I Think"
Megan Carolin, Jan 2011
I think I like you
Starting to think I’d like to keep you around
Wait, that’s a lie, who am I kidding
Let’s not get too attached
We both know I have issues letting go
If you don’t mind I want to just have this moment
I know this sounds crazy, we’ve only just met
But there’s something about you
That’s got me hooked
You really get me
And I’d really like to get to you
You must be a miracle worker
Cuz With you I’m myself
That doesn’t happen very often
You won me over when we were driving
You knew my favorite song
And that I don’t like my music too loud
But wait, stop the music
Let’s not get too attached
We both know I have issues letting go
If you don’t mind I want to just have this moment
And we can go back to just friends
Wait, that’s a lie, who am I kidding
I think I like you
I know I’d like to keep you around

"Show Fear To The Door"
Jan 2011
I’m not a big fan of fear
I don’t like how it treats people
I know they say it makes us stronger
But I think they must not really get it
That for some of the rest of us
There’s nothing strong about it
Let me speak directly for a moment
Hey, fear, who invited you
To crash my party
I want you thrown out
Before you ruin me again
Up to your same old tricks, I see
Sneaking in discreetly, quietly at first
Before you take over completely
I said I was over you, over this
I know it’s not that simple
But just for the record, that usually means
You’re not welcome here anymore
This is my life and you can’t control it
So goodbye, let me show you to the door
And don’t you even think
About coming back here again
I’m team love.

"You Will Rise"
Are your ears ringing?
They’re talking about you again
Nothing new, some old cruel assumptions
Calling you ugly and destructive
Saying there’s no hope for you
Well I don’t think they know you very well
If they did maybe they’d see
The beauty in the ruins
The hero among the broken
I know you’ve been knocked down to nothing
Sure you’ve made your mistakes
That doesn’t mean you’re down for good
I believe in you and I’ll see you rise
One of these days we’ll prove them wrong
They’ll beg to be a part of this
I’ll stand by you through it all
Don’t give into their nasty chit chat
Don’t let them think you are what they say you are
Show em how you shine
Get them talking about
The beauty in the ruins
The heroes among the broken
I know you’ve been knocked down
Sure you’ve made your mistakes
That doesn’t mean you’re down for good
I believe in you and I’ll see you rise
They don’t know you like I do
I believe in you and I’ll see you rise