broken hallelujah

For as boring as my life can be lately, this week was quite busy! I've been on an emotional roller coaster ride for as long as I can remember, and there are no signs of it stopping.

Start of on a very non-serious note, American Idol. I finally read all the changes they made and seriously? Are they trying to flush it down the toilet? No mentors, no theme week, no good judges. Ew. If Idol contestants were always allowed to just stick to their own genre, then I can promise you Mandisa wouldn't have made it. they wouldn't have allowed a Christian/Gospel singer. And what about the people that don't KNOW what genre they are yet? David Archuleta would have been screwed. What really bothered me, though, was Nigel's comment about the success of Idols. He said that Kelly and Carrie are the only ones who have done anything. Wrong, so wrong. He of all people should know that and should be standing up for the other Idols. Today he tried to apologize and spelled Jordin's name wrong. That just disgusted me. Anyways, onto much more important things than American Idol.

First of all- I am putting my whole "fearless" idea into practice this weekend. I'm going on a retreat with the church that I've recently found. It is very young adult focused and has an active group of 18-35 year olds that meet a couple times a month for different events. This weekend is their fall retreat and I made the decision to attend. I'm terrified. There will be 30 or so other people who I have never met before! I've done this before (St Tom's retreat, MVC orientation), but it's still extremely nerve wracking. I don't do well thrown into new situations where I have to speak up and meet new friends. I'm looking forward to it spiritually, though. I definitely think this retreat is what I need. Please say a prayer for me that I remain at peace and that I keep an open mind and heart to what God has in store for me for the weekend.


My main focus this week has been passing on positive thoughts, prayers, and hugs to the Carter family. My mom and I went over to their house on Monday night for Fred's birthday party. What an occasion- the house was filled with family members and friends celebrating a wonderful man. I spent most of my time there holding Caroline, the youngest of the six at just a little over a year old. I had a great time watching the other kids run around their yard with silly string and bobbing for apples. Later in the week, I took Lizzy, the seven year old, out to dinner. I love all of those kids, but I have a special connection with Lizzy. I don't know what it is about these Carter's that have me so hooked. Their story has stuck me in such a deep way, and I want to be around for them through it all. I know I can't save the day or make everything go away, I just really care about them and want to be their holding their hands along the way, if they ask for it. I can't go five minutes without thinking about them or brainstorming ways to help out, even just a little bit. I was quite emotional on Monday night and my best friend Sam was comforting me via text message. She said something that made a lot of sense- "Maybe you need them as much as they need you". I hadn't really thought about that until she said it, but it's true. Each of those kids, Martha, and Fred have taught me valuable lessons- patience, honesty, and compassion. I wish it wasn't through this heartbreaking situation that it happened, but I do feel very blessed to have them in my life and to be a part of theirs. I don't know why this is happening to such an amazing family, and I may not ever know. God has His reasons, as difficult as they may be to understand. I like the way my mom put it...Fred is a lifeguard, so she said "maybe God needs a lifeguard". So, another prayer request is for this beautiful family who have let me into their hearts. Hold them close to yours, please. They need to feel love from all over the world.

Song for the day...