I’ve been avoiding writing this since the day I came home from Kalamazoo. I know that it needs to be addressed, but before I could publicly discuss this “issue”, I had to discuss it with myself. I was honestly scared to even mention the word "diet" to anyone, because I was so afraid that I let people down.
In January, I started a diet which included making healthier choices and training for a 5 mile walk. I lost between 15-20 pounds and felt great. I was proud of myself, had so much motivation and support from others, and really thought that it would continue and I would never have to “start” over again. I can tell you the EXACT date all of this pretty much ended. It was the day after the 5 mile walk, and I was under a significant amount of stress. Instead of continuing with my diet and exercise program, I turned back to food. For those of you who have commented/messaged me the past two days with encouragement, I thank you very much. It’s hard not to be upset with myself after I had done so well, but your words have helped me realize that it’s not the end of the world.
There are a few issues that correlate to my weight issue which need to be attended do on this journey. The most important is the anxiety. The reason I turn to food in the first place is anxiety. I’m working on this one.
The second is that I need to fully trust in God. I’ve been sent resources from Mandisa which are SO VERY helpful, but part of me questions whether or not I actually have all that trust in God or if I am just thinking I am. Mandisa says I analyze things too much like she does. I think she’s right. Anyways, I am also working on this with the help form her.
The final is that I need to grow up and quit this lazy habit. I have to realize that this is my HEALTH that is in danger.
So, what’s the plan? Well I had to go back and read my old blogs on how I lost the weight the first time around. Starting tomorrow, I will restart my walking again. I do not have the proper walking shoes, but I can’t afford those right now so I’ll have to work with what I’ve got. I also start my healthy habits…I’m going to start writing down every thing I eat again.
Some of you have mentioned that I’m too hard on myself. That may be true, but I’m also starting to realize that this is my health, so I have got to keep going. A year ago, I didn’t care enough about myself to even try to lose weight. That has changed due to the amazing people in my life who have shown me that I’m worth something. Thank you.
So let’s go. In the words of Taylor Swift, “these things WILL change”. Who’s with me? This time, I AM going to reach my goals, I will be dedicated to this. Let's step it up. (That's totally going to be the name of my book after I lose the weight).
I know I mentioned in my last entry that I would be discussing music with this post, but it's already too long and I don't want to take the focus off the important issue. Coming soon: a post about all the music you NEED to be listening to.