24th Birthday

My cousin Laurence would have turned 24 today, if it weren't for cancer.  That's a hard concept for me to grasp, considering he was just 15 at the time that he died. 15, but known for being a humanitarian and a philanthropist. 15, with a passion for cooking, playing guitar, and soccer. There are so many paths that Laurence could have taken.

When I was 24, I was working my first "real" full time job. I'll never forget when a friend called me, celebrating the news that I got a job, and she shrieked "You have a door for your office and EVERYTHING?". It was all so exciting. According to my Timehop, on this very day when I was 24, I was making my dad watch Stomp The Yard with me. I was back living with my parents after a year of volunteer service, it wouldn't be until 5 months later that I moved out to live with a friend in a rental house. It just seems surreal to me that Laurence could be doing those very things right now. Although let's be honest, he would probably be the CEO of a nonprofit fighting against poverty, not watching Stomp the Yard at his parents house.

I miss Laurence deeply, he and I had a special bond and it is one that has continued since he passed. But I'll be honest, I've had a hard time truly feeling him lately. I begged Laurence for a sign today, on his birthday. I wanted anything, whether it be a U2 song on the radio or seeing a Florida license plate, or maybe something spectacular in the sky. I didn't get a sign. It left me feeling a little empty and sad. I wondered if I was doing something wrong. It made me feel lonely. 

Maybe I'm just not listening. Maybe Laurence is trying to show me what I need to see, but I am so consumed with work, with the news, with Instagram, that I am not seeing the signs as I once did. 

I'm not sure if it all works that way.

But here's what I do know.

I had made a promise to myself that I would always talk about Laurence and what he did. Laurence was a brave soul, speaking up for people without a voice. I can only imagine the kind of advocacy work he would be doing if he was still here. And although I may never be as brave as that 15 year old boy with brain cancer was, I do try to carry him with me. I fight for cancer patients because I hope that I can be part of eliminating cancer, so that 15 year old boys can play soccer with their friends and create new recipes in their parents kitchen and play guitar in their basement without having to worry about getting to chemotherapy appointments or having brain surgery or signing onto hospice. His fight has powered my fuel to keep fighting to end cancer. And to make life easier for those who are battling cancer.

My signs may not be as obvious, or I may not see them as clearly as I once did with all of life's distractions, but my connection to Laurence will never lose it's spark. 

Maybe Laurence is being a little quieter right now so that I can truly grow, listen to what is inside of me and run with it. 

All of this is a great Mystery, and it's part of what makes life and death so beautiful and complicated. Aren't we so lucky to have these kinds of things to wonder about and awe over? It's incredible, how connected we all are. 

Happy 24th Birthday, Laurence. I wish you were still here on earth so that we could all be putting your campaign signs in our front yard or taste testing meals at your own restaurant or sitting in the front row at your concert. The grief of what could have been is a difficult one to handle. So we'll hold onto the beautiful impact you left while you were here. What a gift you gave us, buddy. 

Maybe you and my dad could watch Stomp The Yard tonight. And yes, Dad, I heard the thunder as I wrote that. Nice dad joke.

The Last 5 Years

Five years ago, I wrote a blog post sharing life lessons that I had learned by the age of 25. It was one of my most popular posts, and frankly, one of the most fun to write. You can read that post here.

Each of those were strong, important lessons. Lessons I am ever so grateful for learning. But at the time, I had no idea what was to come next. The five years that followed that blog post were ones full of self discovery, adventure, challenges, and accomplishments.They were my growth years. They were the years I experienced heartbreak, fell in love, put myself first, grew closer with my family, and found myself. They were the years I found my voice, I pushed past the fear that had held me back for so long, and learned to forgive myself.

So I am here to update you on some lessons I have learned in these 5 important years.

• Just because someone can make you laugh and buy you presents doesn't mean they are your soul mate. 
• If you get the feeling someone is not being truthful with you, don't ignore it just to avoid conflict. 
• Do not let another person define your worth. 
• Cut yourself free from anyone or anything causing you pain. 
• Family, above anything else, is the most important thing in the world.
• The best way to get revenge on someone else is to prove to them you are so much better than the way they treated you.
• You are worthy of being healthy and happy.
• Pay attention to the people who embrace you when you are feeling the most unlovable. 
• When you think you can't, you can. When you want to give up, push harder.
• There are very few things a Girls Weekend trip cannot fix.
• Do not be afraid to be happy. Do not be afraid to succeed. 
• Let love in, even when it's hard. 
• Be patient. Change does not happen overnight. Your dreams do not came true with a snap of a finger. 
• That special guy who is patiently waiting for you to put your guard down IS probably your soulmate, so stop ignoring it.
• Cancer is an asshole, and it does not discriminate. Cancer can happen to anyone at any time. 
• Let people help you when they want to help you.
• You do not have to live life the way society wants you to. You do not have to follow anyone's timeline but your own. This is your journey.
• Taking care of yourself and becoming the strongest, healthiest version of yourself is not selfish. Do not let people tell you otherwise. You truly cannot begin to take care of others if you yourself are not taken care of.
• You are capable of so much more than you ever even imagined. You just have to try.
• Be open to new opportunities and challenges. Do not put yourself in a box. 
• You will feel tired, worn down, and defeated when challenges arise. Allow yourself to rest, and find the spark to keep fighting.
• Treat every single person you meet with love, but do not forget to love yourself just as fiercely. 
• While it is nearly impossible to keep in constant contact with your friends, do your best, and remind them how much you love them. 
• It's okay to breakdown. Find a health way to empty the negativity from your life, cry it out, and take the next step forward.
• Take pride in your accomplishments, and own them.
• Understand that you are a constantly changing, ever growing human who will make mistakes, and that's okay. 
• Marry that guy who was waiting for you, who stood by you through all of the curve balls life threw at you, and who would do anything to make you happy. 

There are so many more lessons where these came from, you guys. It's been a jam packed, fast faced, incredible five years. When I wrote that blog post 5 years ago I had no idea that my life was going to change. I didn't know that I would lose 140 lbs, or that I would find a job that I absolutely adore, or that my dad would be diagnosed with cancer. I didn't know that I would fall in love and get engaged to a guy who I had already dated once before. I didn't know that I would have a niece and nephew who I would love so much. I didn't know the toll my dad's cancer diagnosis would take on my family, and I sure didn't know the unexpected blessings that would come with that diagnosis. I didn't know that I could be happy. 

I am not afraid to be 30. I am embracing 30. To me, it is just a number. I am not worried about a timeline or what next year or the next 5 years will look like. Perhaps that is because the biggest lesson I have learned is that you truly cannot plan for anything in life. We are not in control, here, and we have to learn that it's okay. Things happen, plans change, and it's all for a very distinct purpose. 

I am sending so much love out to each and every single one of you who have been there for me in these 5 years of craziness. I couldn't have possibly learned all of these lessons without you.

Closing with a song that I believe defines my last 5 years.

30 Before 30

I'm turning 30 in 2017. To celebrate, I decided to create a list of 30 things to do before I turn 30. Some of these are pretty easy, some a bit more of a challenge- but I'm determined! I will try to update every month. I am looking forward to new adventures and to making memories while I cross items off this list!

• Run (or be ready for) a 10k
  I mastered the 5k last summer. And even though I'm taking a few months off from running, I hope to get back into it by March and start training for a 10k. I'm not sure if I'll be ready by my birthday, but I hope to run that 10k before my wedding in September.
• Attend a Yoga or Silent Retreat
  If anyone knows of one coming up, let me know!
• Make a gourmet meal
  I'm a pretty decent cook but I stick to easy stuff. At least once, I want to attempt to make a gourmet meal.
• Try Crossfit
  My Y offers Crossfit (for an extra fee) and while I don't think it's for me, I want to try it at least once.
• See a play or musical
  Even if it's a community theatre show, I'm long overdue!
• Pay off my credit card
  Over the last few years I have worked really hard to increase my credit score and decrease debt. Right now my debt includes student loans, my car payment, and one credit card. I'm determined to get that credit card paid off.
• Try "Cycle" class at the Y
  This should be a little bit easier, these classes are free with my membership-I've just been too intimidated to try!
• Be a mentor
  I have wanted to do this for years, just haven't gone through with it. This is the year!
• Try a new restaurant
  There are so many new restaurants popping up. This should be a pretty easy task.
• Take at least one free online course
  Not sure what the topic will be, but I'm going to try.
• Take a day trip (or two) with Tom to a nearby city
  While I would love to attempt to travel out of state with Tom, that's just not going to happen with our wedding around the corner. Instead, I'd love to take a day trip to Grand Rapids or another Michigan city.

• Read at least 10 books
  My goal for the entire year is 30, and I'm pretty confident I can get 10 read by my birthday.
• Send out 30 handwritten cards, postcards, letters, etc.
  This is something I always do around Lent, but I may break it up and do it a couple times a year.
• Submit a piece of writing to a magazine/website/podcast
  Pretty self explanatory.
• Learn to say no
  I'm trying so hard to practice saying no to things that do not serve me!
• Be more active in Church
  I want to attend Mass more, become a Lector, and maybe join a prayer group.
• Cook one of my grandma's recipes
  Another one that should be pretty easy. The challenge will be choosing one!
• Go to more local community events
  My community does tons of events- at my library, at the college across the street, downtown, etc. I need to take advantage! I often don't go just because Tom is working. I want to learn it's okay to go by myself.
• Do something outside of my comfort zone
  I'm not quite sure what this will be. I thought about putting "ride a horse".....but I'm so terrified of that I'm not sure I should put that in writing.
• Eat vegan for a week
  I have seriously considered adopting a vegan diet, but I just don't think I'm ready. I would love to explore it for a week and see what recipes I can come up with!
• Declutter
  I need to get rid of clothes, of "stuff", of documents on my computer, etc.

• Get my old t-shirts made into a quilt
  I have been wanting to do this for years and I know exactly who can do it for me! Just need to actually do it!
• Treat myself to a spa day
  I'm talking facial, pedicure, AND massage. It will be pricey, but worth it.
• Buy myself a new laptop
  My personal laptop "died". For now Tom and I share one but I would love to buy myself a new laptop.
• Take each of my parents to something they really want to go to
  I know the band Chicago is coming to town in July and that my dad would love to go- and I'd be happy to take him! Would love to find something for each of them and have a "date night".
• Go to a local con/expo
  I think I'm actually crossing this off this weekend- twice! Going to a "healthy living" expo on Saturday and a Bridal expo on Sunday. But open to more!
• Attend a class (use groupon!)
  Not sure what kind of class- I'm thinking dance or art.
• Attend a fancy dinner/gala with Tom- or go out for a fancy dinner!
  I think it would be so fun to get all gussied up and go out to a fancy gala- or just a fancy dinner.
• Ask 30 people to tell me an album or a movie that means a lot to them- and then listen to or watch it!
  I'm the kind of person who loves to share music/movies I love with other people- and I want to hear what is meaningful to my friends!
• Try to complete this list, but understand that it's okay if I don't and just live my life :)

I Swear I Lived.

Tomorrow is my 28th Birthday. To prepare for this post, I looked at some of my old "birthday blog posts". It was fun to look back and read how much things have shifted over the years, and what my birthday has meant to me.

Here's what I wrote last year:

I'm going to make 27 amazing. It's my only chance to be this age. I have to make an impression. I can't let time waste around me. I have to live every day as if I do not have a tomorrow. I don't want to watch life pass me. I want to be part of it. And no one is going to stop me.

So, how did I do? How did I live my 27th year on this earth? If someone were to sit down and really ask me if I felt I lived up to the expectation I set at this time last year, I would have to say...

Yes.

I am certainly not perfect. I haven't lived EVERY single day as the best person I can be. But I certainly tried. Despite the crushing challenge of my dad's cancer, the ups and downs (and in between) of my weight loss journey, and everything else that came my way, I still feel better than I've ever felt before. I took a lot of chances at the age of 27- in life, in my career, with the weight loss... and all of those chances have turned out to serve me well. I didn't let time waste- although working out is a top priority and that has caused a bit of a downfall in my social life, I said "yes" this year to more than I ever have before.

Rereading that, it sounds like I'm pretty full of myself. I'm not. I'm just proud. And until recent years, I had never known what it felt like to be truly proud of myself. It's a pretty great feeling. It's a feeling I hope everyone has. Because guess what? Despite your challenges, despite everything that tries to break you, you're still here. You're still making it through every day. That is something to be proud of.

The biggest change in me is that I no longer view my birthday as a fun day where I get Facebook comments or texts. It's not about partying or presents or cards. My birthday is about celebrating the fact that I have been blessed with another year of life. Life is precious, at any given moment it could be taken away. But here I am, fully living, healthier than I've ever been, head over heels in love. And if I'm lucky, I'll get to do this for another year. And another. And many, many more to come.

I am ecstatic to be so lucky as to have another birthday. My 28th year is bound to be beautiful. Without a doubt, there will be more challenges, more hurdles. But Lucky for me, I've built up the strength, bravery, and confidence to overcome them.

Cheers to 28. Cheers to living and embracing life, no matter how hard it may be sometimes.

27.

In the midst of all the craziness going on with my family, I never wrote a birthday post.

So I'm 27 now. I spent some time reflecting on what that means, exactly. The conclusion I came to? It doesn't really mean anything. Except that maybe I am classified as "late twenties" now. Other than that, it's really just a number.

I can tell you what a lot of people THINK 27 means. They think it means I should be married, or at least engaged. They think it means I am too old to listen to Taylor Swift. They think it means I should own a home.

I'm not married. I am happily dating my boyfriend and we ::gasp:: don't have plans to get married...at least not yet. We don't even live together, and we may not be ready to live together for a while yet. I jam to Tay Tay on the daily. I rent a house with two other roommates. I don't always pay my bills on time.

Just because I am not "grown up" according to society's standards does not mean I haven't grown up, though. In the last year, I have overcome a food addiction, quit my first "big girl job" for a new position at a much better organization, bought my first car, learned how to cook, dealt with the stress of having a parent with cancer, chose family and friends over concerts or social outings, and gotten a handle on my 10 year battle with anxiety and depression. Oh, and while doing all of that, I also managed to lose nearly 75 lbs. Can't those things count towards my "grown up" status? I think that they should.

27 doesn't have to mean it's time to settle down. Hell, 57 doesn't have mean it's time to settle down. What matters is how you are living out your passion, how you are treating other people and how you are treating yourself. As long as you continue to challenge yourself, to push yourself, to accept that not every moment is going to be perfect, you are growing up.

I'm going to make 27 amazing. It's my only chance to be this age. I have to make an impression. I can't let time waste around me. I have to live every day as if I do not have a tomorrow. I don't want to watch life pass me. I want to be part of it. And no one is going to stop me.

Here's to 27, to living my best life, and to anyone who is still growing up.

Dear Mom....

It just so happens that today's Blogtember prompt is "Write a public love letter to someone in your life. (It doesn't necessarily need to be romantic.)"

It also happens to be my mom's birthday. I think you know what's coming.

Dear Mom,
Happy Birthday. I'm sure today is just like any other day for you. Your students will frustrate you and yet bring you joy, you and Dad will have dinner and you'll check papers. But it's not like any other day for me. It's my mom's birthday, and I am celebrating you and remembering how lucky I am to have you as my mom. You are the best, after all.

I love spending time with you. There are times I'd rather spend time with you and Dad than my own friends. You make me laugh and you give me the best advice. You're always looking out for me. You want me to be happy.

Sometimes I just sit and think how lucky I am to have you as a mom. You are one of my best friends and someone that I want to call right when I get out of work or when I'm leaving youth group or after a date. I want to fill you in on everything. I want to hear your opinion. I want you to be proud of me.

You are beautiful mom. On the outside and on the inside. You are beautiful because you care so much about people and want to help them. You find different quirks in your students and cater to them. You find a way to relate to everyone and help them to feel included and welcome.

I'll never forget you telling me that a parent once told you that you had hidden angel wings. I think that's the best description I can give about you. You really do. You fly to the rescue to get people what they need. That's an angel.

Your students are beyond blessed to have been able to sit in your classroom and hear your wisdom, your jokes, and get your guidance. For many, you were the "best teacher they ever had". I hear that all the time, from young students and older ones who remember how well you taught them. I hear it from parents who tell me you changed their child's life.

Duh. You certainly have shaped mine. A few months ago you and Dad may have even saved it when you convinced me to do something about my health. You have been supporting me nonstop through all of that and I appreciate it more than you will ever know.

I love you, Mom. Your hidden angel wings have swept me up more times than I can count.

Love, Megan


To the rest of the world, let me just show you a small collection of screencaps I've saved that showcase how much my mom makes me laugh.

She asks me silly questions...

She's sassy when I need her help.....

She calls auto correct "spell check"

 

And, probably my favorite thing, she trolls twitter during and after Notre Dame football games and sarcastically replies to haters. Here is she throwing in a sarcastic "LOL" to a UofM fan after their embarrassing win to Akron. My mom is just too cool.

26th Birthday!

I'm 26 today.

That feels old, to me.

Probably because when I was 16 and dreaming of my life 10 years ahead, I imagined I'd be married, have this really awesome job, maybe even be pregnant or have a kid.

Nah.

I'm 26, trying to figure out this whole dating thing, have a pretty okay job, and I am most definatley not pregnant nor do I have a kid.

But that's okay. I've really learned to be happy with my age and not put so much stress on myself to find my happily ever after. Because in reality life IS a happily ever after. We're here and we're alive and breathing and shouldn't that be enough? I just play life day by day, one step and one bill at a time.

Last year I loved my birthday post. I'm not so sure I can top it this year. Instead, I am going to list random facts about my birthday.

• I share a birthday with Martina McBride and Elise Testone (American Idol Season 10).
• My birthday is Oprah's 1/2 birthday. That makes us soul sisters, obviously.
• As a kid I could never bring in birthday treats on my actual birthday. Once in a while I'd bring them on my 1/2 birthday, just to feel normal.
• Every day at Mercy they announce the birthdays of students and staff. Summer birthday's get missed. My sophomore year, my friends got special permission to announce my 1/2 birthday so that I could feel special.
• The most sentimental birthday present I ever received was from my friend Alicia. She got a mirror and decorated it, and then put a post it on it that said  something like "You've given me a gift I could ever ask for- YOU!".
• Coolest birthday I had was last year, when I got to have breakfast with Melinda Doolittle, my favorite Idol contestant ever.
• On my 1st Birthday I shoved my hands into the cake and then all over my hair. I had to take a bath before I could open presents.
• My family doesn't do anything huge for birthday's, but we always got to pick our favorite meal. I usually picked sish kabobs.
• I seem to be out of town for my birthday a lot. Chicago with my daddy, up north with my friends growing up, Mercy Volunteer Corps orientation, Indianapolis the past two years.
• Fire is the element for those born on July 29th. I just learned this today, and it's weird, because it's the symbol I chose when I was a retreat leader in high school. We are supposed to have a very positive energy and enthusiasm.
• There is a hilarious video of me on my 2nd birthday opening a gift. It's a big box and I am so excited that I rip it to shreds and then peek in. I see it's Big Bird and start yelling "BIG BIRD BIG BIRD" and try to tear it out of the box. My mom leaves to go get it out of the box and I push aside every other gift I got in anticipation.
• Today my coworkers went freaking above and beyond. I got a beautiful, delicious cake from a well known bakery, cards, wine, a Taylor Swift album, and a fruit basket.

I have enjoyed my 26 years here on Earth. I know that sounds kinda silly, but I have. I've had a lot of ups and downs and twists and turns. But I'm here and I'm alive. I've picked up something from each and every person I've met, I've been influenced by words, music, and art. I love people and hearing stories. I try to be positive, and when I am not I have someone in my life who whips me into shape. I aim to please, I want to help other people, I hate to see people get sad. I love nature and quiet time and comfy clothes. I have a strong faith and believe that God is right by my side. He has put some amazing people in my life.

Happy Birthday to me, and thank you to each and every single one of you who have influenced my life. I think that's the best part about my life. Each of you. I know a lot of people read this but don't comment or tell me you read it, and I just want you to know if you're reading this right now, I love the crap out of you and I hope you're happy today. I hope you find peace or hope or sunshine or whatever it is you need. And please know that you are special to me. Hugs to everyone!

Thirteenth Birthday

For my sister's thirteenth birthday, my dad surprised her by taking her on a trip to Chicago. It waw just the two of them. And get this- they traveled by airplane. It was her first airplane ride, because my mom is terrified of flying. We didn't take too many big trips as kids, just our annual trip to Florida. The Chicago trip was a BIG DEAL.

My dad then continued on the tradition- all three of us got to spend our thirteenth birthday on plane to Chicago, running around the city and then flying back home.

When it was my turn, I was so excited I could hardly sleep the night before. I could not believe I was actually going to get to FLY ON AN AIRPLANE. Nearly all of my friends had flown dozens of times, but not me. I was a little scared, but for the most part I think I was just amazed at how planes worked. The flight only took about 45 minutes, tops. Chicago isn't too far from Detroit, especially when flying the friendly skies.

When we arrived, my dad ushered me through the airport and toward downtown Chicago. We hit up the aquarium, Hard Rock Cafe, Garret's Popcorn, Navy Pier, and this one place that I can't remember, but it was a lot like a Dave and Busters.

But the best, and I mean the BEST part, was the American Girl Place.

I had been an avid American Girl fan most of my childhood. I had a few of the dolls courtesy of my Grandma, read all the books again and again, and had a collection of outfits. I could not WAIT to go to the American Girl Place.

My dad and I first went to the store, and he let me pick out a new outfit for my dolls back at home.  Then we bought tickets for a play in their theatre. I think that the play highlighted each American Girl and told her story. I don't remember. I just remember my dad was the only male in the room. And I was so happy that he was right there next to me as I enjoyed every moment.

It was the best birthday gift I've ever gotten from my parents, and the time I got to spend with my dad was truly special.  I don't know if I realized at the time how lucky I was to get such a cool birthday gift, but I do now. It beats any Sweet Sixteen party they show on MTV these days.

What's the best birthday you've ever had?

the best birthday. ever.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

That? Is How I feel. In the best way possible. Today is my birthday, and this weekend has been the BEST birthday weekend I have ever had.



Friday

Sam and I got to Indy in the late afternoon. Our first stop was at the runners forum to pick up our race packets for the color run the next day. It was a little chaotic, but we managed to get out of their with our color run tshirts, bracelets, sunglasses, and color packets. Next stop? JP and Sara! We made it to their beautiful home and were greeted with hugs and smiles. The four of us headed out to the mall (Indy has some fabulous shopping) and to BJ's for dinner- mmm apricot beer. We shared stories and laughs, enjoying our time together. Hung out a little bit back at their place before crashing on couches.

Saturday
Wake up call was 6 am. Got dressed into our white clothing and headed downtown to line up for the color run. We ended up in the second wave (10 waves of 1,000 people each). I told Sam to go ahead of me, I decided pretty much right away I was going to be power walking/jogging a little. The course itself was great- minimal hills. Lots of space. The color part was cool, it was fun being blasted with colors. Pink was the toughest, because I decided to just jog through the middle rather than go on the side like normally, and one of the volunteers through the corn starch- directly into my mouth. Um, yuck. Anyways, I finished the race and there was Sam, waiting for me right over the finish line. We hung around the "color festival" a little bit, where I got blasted with purple. Color run was fun- no pressure, lots of laughter and smiles along the way.

We got home, jumped in the shower (color came off immediately) and passed out for a little bit. Soon it was time to get up and get dressed up for dinner and Melinda's cabaret. We headed out to Fugiyama, a Japanese restaraunt. We met up with Maria, Des, Gem, Barb, and Gem's sister Betsy. Such a fun dinner! Our chef was hilarious, cracking jokes with each of us (he asked if I was turning 15)...and the food was phenomenal! Oh my goodness!

After our wonderful dinner we headed downtown to the Columbia Club. I love that place; it is the same venue where my brother got married and it has a special place in my heart. We got our table, ordered some drinks, and sat around to chat before the show started. Got a surprise- SARA! One of the backups I haven't seen since 2008! I was so excited to see her! Just LOVE that girl, she is so sweet and down to earth.

So, Love 101 (the name of Melinda's cabaret show) is, seriously, out of this world. Melinda ties in personal stories with the songs. She sings some of her well known Idol performances (Home, MFV, I'm A Woman), some old school love songs, a few original songs that she has written, and a top 40 medley. It's just fabulous the way it all fits together, and almost everything she said related to my life. She looked like she was having the absolute time of her life up there. Very much out of her shell, interacting with the audience. And her voice- every SINGLE time I see her live I am blown away. It's so hard to explain the quality of that girl's vocals, but it gives me goosebumps and I feel it down to my bones. Just amazing. If you ever get a chance to see this show, do it.

After the show us backups sat and chatted for a few moments- again, so great to talk to Sara. Then we went over to Melinda as she was wrapping up her picture and autograph line. I approached her with a big hug and we talked about my color run (she checked my ears for color).

Was also there to witness Melinda receiving a gift from Gem and throwing it on the floor. Gem had made a necklace out of locust shells, she spray painted them gold. Melinda literally threw it on the floor, screamed "WHAT IS THAT" and jumped back. The reaction was priceless, I don't think I'll ever forget the look on her face.

Saturday was seriously SO MUCH FUN. I loved seeing everyone again and witnessing Love 101 live in person! We made plans for the next day, said our goodbyes to each other, and got our cars to had back home.

Sam and I hung out with JP and Sara for a little bit before bed that night. At midnight they all shouted happy birthday to me in their different ways- so cute. I had almost even forgotten it was my birthday.

Sunday

We met up with Melinda and the backups for breakfast at Le Peep downtown. It was so darn special to spend my birthday breakfast with some of my absolute favorite people in the entire world. I just loved it. I sat in between Melinda and Sam. I honestly don't remember every conversation we had at breakfast, because I was in such a state of bliss. (General topics of discussion: Idol tour, idol judges, check ins with everyone)  I will tell you this: Melinda is such a genuine, gracious person who really, really cares about all of us. You can just tell. She radiates with friendship and love. And she is hilarious. After breakfast we spent a few more hours with JP and Sara, and then we got on the road to go home. Sam and I were both exhausted, delirious, giggly. I'm not sure how we both made it home, but we did.


I have so much gratitude and love flowing through my body right now. I made a stop on my way home to pick up thank you cards because I want to thank all the people who were a part of my very, very special day. I've been scared about turning 25, scared about getting older with more responsibility, more pressure, more everything. But after this weekend I am sure: I am exactly where I need to be, and I am surrounded by some of the most wonderful, beautiful people. I love you all so much, and I wish I could hug every single person in my life, because you make such a profound impact on my heart every single day of my life.

Here's to 25.

"We will endure what life has in store.
Have faith and believe, like the air that you breathe-
Love will stand when all else falls."-Memphis