Thursday, September 7, 2017


Here is a very quick run through of how my brain has operated this week:

A huge hurricane is about to hit Florida. It may hit our Honeymoon vacation spot. 
We might have to cancel our vacation, which we've been looking forward to since we got engaged.
The place where are going is so incredibly special to my family, and all I wanted was to take Tom there.
We won't cancel until we know what the storm is going to do.
We won't know what the storm is going to do until Friday or Saturday, and by Monday we can no longer cancel and get our money back.
We will only get our money back if the city has a mandatory evacuation.
We can't plan another trip without getting that money back
I'm going to follow every reputable meteorologist I can find to keep on top of updates.

Oh my god, I can't believe I am so worried about a vacation when these people are about to lose their homes and people are going to die.
What is wrong with me? When did I become so selfish and heartless? How could I even let myself worry first about a vacation?
This storm is very, very bad. I can't stop watching. No longer as worried about my precious vacation, but I am focusing on the sadness, unpredictability, and fear of it all.

Why is this happening?
Why does God let this happen?
Where is God?
I thought I had a strong faith, why am I questioning God?
But I don't understand how this can happen.
No one deserves this.
Why isn't God stepping in?
How can I help?
Are there enough resources left over from Harvey to help Florida, Puerto Rico and all the other affected areas?
Do my friends who live in Florida have somewhere to go? Can they get out? 
This isn't fair.

Tom and I will just deal with whatever happens. It doesn't matter. There are bigger things in life than a vacation. If we have to cancel we will make do. We will have a vacation somewhere else, somehow we will pull together the money. Our vacation loss will be nothing compared to what other people are about to face.

God, I am sorry I questioned you but I can't even possibly imagine the reason for all of this, or why you are not stepping in, after there has already been so much destruction. I am thankful for my friends and mentors who have tried to find words to comfort me. And I do believe in You, and I believe you will provide- but I am struggling to understand why some people will have to lose everything they know in the process. I am praying that there is a light at the end of this very dark tunnel, and that You have great plans in the works. I am praying that I gain trust in You. The one thing I have come to embrace in this whole thing is that life is so precious and unpredictable. This is a lesson I seem to be learning time and time again, and I am reminded of it once more with these hurricanes. We can plan all we want to, but sometimes life does not work out the way we imagined.

In sum, this week (and last, with Hurricane Harvey) I have felt anxious, confused, guilty, selfish, helpless, angry, fearful. I want to be able to make a human chain to Florida and every other affected area, and pull every person and animal in danger out of there, safe into a warm house. I don't want anyone else to suffer. I don't want anyone else to lose their home or business or certainly their life. But I can't do anything, except continue to donate to those in need.

I know it can be depressing to watch the news. Frustrating to hear updates. But please don't turn away. They need us. Those of us who are safe and capable need to come together and help. The one thing I am certain about God is that His (or Her) light is within each of us, as cheesy as that may sound I believe it, always have and always will. It's time to turn that light on as bright as we possibly can and help each other, it is not the time to hide or to ignore.

Stand strong, my friends.

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