I have needed new workout shoes for over a year. I've known this. I knew where to go to get them. But I never actually walked into a store until this past weekend.
I didn't want the employees at the pro running shops to judge me for my weight. I didn't want them to roll their eyes at me or talk about me after I left. I didn't want them to doubt that I really was working on my fitness goals.
I know what some of you are thinking- that I am too sensitive, and that no one would judge me.
If you're thinking that, I am going to take a guess that you've never been overweight. Trust me, I know that I am overly sensitive, and in most cases I agree that we could blame sensitivity. But not this time. The cold, hard truth is that I HAVE been judged because of my weight. I've gotten stares or smirks or even comments- from total strangers. So to avoid this I try to avoid any situation where this could happen. Like buying workout shoes.
I finally decided to get over my fear and go to a local running shop. I knew I needed GOOD shoes- Famous Footwear wouldn't cut it! I walked out with a new pair of Asics- and no judgement.
I tell this story because I know so many others struggle with the fear of being judged. Not just for weight issues, either. I think all of us have insecurities that cause us to be afraid of what others will think. It's heartbreaking. We shouldn't live in a world where we are scared to live our lives because we fear what others will say or do. We should accept and embrace each other, no matter our looks or abilities. We are humans- and we should treat each other as such.
My hope is that each of us can learn to accept each other so that no one has to be afraid. My hope is that each of us can learn to accept OURSELVES and to have the courage to push past the fear. Imagine what an exciting, beautiful world it could be if we did not let fear get in our way.
I know that I will still get scared in certain situations. But I also know that I love the life that I am living, and I have an incredible passion for life- the passion should outweigh the fear.
I have neither gained nor lost any weight while my dad has been in the hospital. I see that as a major plus, all things considered. With my events coming up fast I am not sure that I can get back to my normal routine of working out and cooking for a few more weeks, but I am doing my best to squeeze in exercise and to make healthy choices. I am determined to get back into it the second I can.