American Idol Performances.

Okay, so call me a nerd if you want, but over the last few days I have been desperately trying to compile a list of my all time favorite Idol performances and IT. IS. SO. HARD. I mean, we have 15 years worth of performances here. So instead of making a traditional countdown list (which you can pretty much find on any Entertainment Blog right now), I've broken mine into categories.

Auditions

Yes, over the years there have been a few auditions that grabbed me right from the start. Here are a few of my favorites:

Melinda Doolittle, For Once In My Life

Elliot Yamin, A Song For You

Casey Abrams, I Don't Need No Doctor

Jax, I Want To Hold Your Hand

And... of course....The Queen Bee. 

Hollywood Week

Frenchie Davis and Kimberly Locke, Band of Gold

Blake Lewis, Rudy Cardenas, Chris Sligh, and Thomas Lowe, “How Deep Is Your Love” (season 6)

Kris Allen, Matt Giraud, India Morrision and Justin Williams (Season 8) I Want You Back

Deandre, Candice, and Jessica (Season 11) It Doesn't Matter Anymore

BEATLES Theme

This is a theme that has been done again and again on Idol. Here are some of my favorites:

David Cook, Eleanor Rigby (Season 7)

Carly Smithson, Blackbird (Season 7)

David Archuleta, Imagine (Season 7)

Casey Abrams, With A Little Help From My Friends (Season 10)

Syesha Mercado, Yesterday (season 7)

La Porsha, Come Together (Season 15)

Brought Tears To My Eyes

Melinda Doolittle, Home (Season 6) 

Jason Castro, Hallelujah (Season 7)

Jordin Sparks, I Who Have Nothing (Season 6)

Adam Lambert, Mad World (Season 8)

Candice Glover, LoveSong

Made Me Jump Up and Scream "YAAAAAAAAAS"

Josh Ledet, Man's World (Season 11)

Kelly Clarkson, Natural Woman (Season 1) 

Jennifer Hudson, Circle of Life (Season 3)

Quentin, I Put A Spell On You (Season 14)

Girls Who Rock

Crystal Bowersox, Me and Bobby McGee (Season 9)

Allison Iraheta, Cry Baby (Season 8) 

Haley Reinhart, Bennie and the Jets (Season 10)

Elise Testone, Whole Lotta Love (Season 11)

Made It Their Own

Blake Lewis, You Give Love A Bad Name (Season 6)

Kris Allen, Heartless (Season 8) 

Joey Cook, Miss Independent (Season 14)

David Cook, Billie Jean (Season 7)

DUETS

Crystal and Lee, Falling Slowly (Season 9)

Michael Johns and Carly Smithson, The Letter (Season 7)

Haley Reinhart and Casey Abrams, Moanin (season 10)

Adam Lambert and Allison Iraheta, Slow Ride (Season 8)

And now, the performance that really hooked me in, made me start seriously following Idol and do all the crazy things like join fan clubs and follow the tour.

Melinda Doolittle, There Will Come A Day

That's a wrap.

Long Live All The Walls We Crashed Through

When I was a sophomore in high school, I was in an "Introduction to Acting Class".  In our very first week, we practiced with some improve. My classmate, Mollie, stood on our little stage and talked about American Idol. Specifically, she shared that her cat would hear the theme music to American Idol and run to the TV. She then shared that her cat seemed particularly fond of Kelly Clarkson.

Duh.

But in all seriousness, as I sat and listened to Mollie tell her story, I felt a sense of relief. Someone else watched American Idol. I had been following it all season, and Kelly was my favorite too. Even if Mollie was just sharing a story about her cat, I didn't feel so alone in my admiration for the show and for Kelly.

I think that's the biggest gift American Idol has given me- the feeling that I am not alone. Over the years, I've had many moments like that one I had in my Intro to Acting class. It happened when I hear Melinda Doolittle sing, when I met Sam and realized that she, too had a love for American Idol. It happened when I found the Backups through a google search, it happened when Sam and I met Brenna outside a venue. It happened when we kept crossing paths with Julie and Kristen and Desi and everyone else. It's happened when I've met some of the contestants, when I've heard their original music or when I'm in a packed concert venue.

More often than not, I am made fun of for liking this show so much. "But no one has really DONE anything...besides Kelly or Carrie"...people say.

The people who say that are wrong. The people who have been on that show, whether they were 10th place or a winner, have done something. Maybe they aren't superstars, but most of them are doing just what they love to do: they are making music and performing live shows. Had it not been for American Idol, they may not be able to do that.

But perhaps more importantly, they are touching lives. They are making people like me feel not so alone. If you ask me, that's far more impressive than creating hits or winning awards.

I've loved American Idol for 15 years. Aside from my family, and two life long friends, that's the longest I've ever loved anything or anyone. This week, we are saying goodbye as it ends it's final season. I am not just saying goodbye to a cheesy reality tv show. I am embracing 15 years of memories, friendship, blessings...and music. And yes, I know that the memories will live on. I just can't believe the platform that started it all for me is going to disappear.

I am sad, but I am extremely grateful that Idol has brought me so many friends that I can continue to share memories with. To my "Idol Pals", (you know who you are), thank you for embracing me, and for being part of my story...but mostly, thank you for helping me feel that I am not alone.

hello writing my old friend

There was once a time when words came so easily to me. My notebooks and scrap paper were filled with my thoughts. It was rare that I didn't have an idea, or an inspiration, for a blog post or a journal entry or song lyrics or even a letter. I was always writing, and when I wasn't writing, I was thinking about writing. I had a constant hunger for it, and it comforted me in ways that nothing else could.

I miss those days. Writing does not come so easily to me now, and it feels more like an old friend or a memory than a hobby. I've racked my brain trying to figure out what happened. Maybe it was just something I needed for a certain time in my life. Maybe I became too consumed with social media or technology. Maybe I got too busy. Maybe my focus on my health pushed the writing down on my list of priorities. 

Or maybe, I'm happy. That's not to say you can't write when you're happy. Sure you can. That's also not to say I don't still have my bad days, because I certainly do. But when you compare my life now to what it once was, side by side, there a remarkable difference in my attitude and my happiness. Back then, a large portion of my writing was inspired by moments of pain and heartbreak. I wrote because I didn't have many people to talk to, or because I couldn't say the words out loud. I don't feel that same kind of pain now. I'm more willing to be open with my feelings to my loved ones, and I no longer feel so lonely that a notebook is my only friend. 

So maybe it's not that I've lost my love or my passion for writing. Maybe it's that I've been looking for the "spark" in the wrong places. Maybe I can accept that my writing can come from a happier place, and that I don't need to be going through some tragedy to be able to write. With that, though, also comes permission to feel sad when that is what I'm feeling. Just as I can't force myself pain to write, I also can't force happiness to put on a show. I can only be me, and write what I know.

I'm not going to add "write more" to my list of goals because I do not want it to be another task or chore to complete. But what I am going to aim for is to be more present. To put down the phone, and to just be living in moments. I may surprise myself and find inspiration in places that I never thought possible.

A Thank You to Mercy.

To the Mercy Administration;

During Lent I take time to write letters of gratitude to people in my life who have, in one way or another, made an impact on my life. Today, on International Women’s Day, I wanted to thank the time to write to you. I am who I am today because of my four years at Mercy High School.

I graduated from Mercy in 2005- I know that there have been many changes since then. There are new staff, new uniform guidelines, new classes, and certainly new technology. But I am both hopeful and confident that the spirit of Mercy is the same as it always has been. What is the spirit of Mercy High School? In my eyes, it is one that is gentle yet powerful, encouraging and persistent, faith filled and compassionate. Those are all the words that I think of when I think of the staff and faculty at Mercy.

Being a student at Mercy taught me that women can be leaders, athletes, scientists, writers, artists. Mercy taught me to be accepting of everyone, and to lift up and encourage our peers rather than drag them down. Mercy taught me that faith is more than just sitting in a church pew, and Mercy taught me the power of connections. Mercy taught me to dig deeper, to explore further and to reach higher. Mercy taught me that I am very capable of accomplishing what I set my mind to, and that when I get stuck, all I need to do is ask. Mercy taught me about friendship, about honesty, and about embracing the life we have been given.

I truly believe that I am a stronger, more confident woman because of my four years at Mercy. The faculty and staff embrace their students in a way that I think is fairly rare. When I struggled in math class, Mrs. Kowalski gently guided me. When I was lost and needed a place to belong, Mrs. MacLennan and the pastoral team welcomed me with open arms. When I discovered my love for writing and became hungry for more, Miss Desmond and Mr. Schusterbaur challenged me. When I was shy and eager to break out of my shell, Mrs. Rozman taught me the importance of just being me. The list goes on and on. Each and every teacher at Mercy was instrumental in helping me to become the person that I am today.

I will forever hold a place in my heart for Mercy, and for all that each of you do to make sure that every student knows their true value. Because of my experience at Mercy, I went on to become a member of the Mercy Volunteer Corps (’09-’10), and, three years ago, became an Associate of the Sisters of Mercy. My goal is to spread the message of Catherine McAuley and of Mercy in my work and amongst my family and friends. Thank you for giving me something to be proud of, thank you for giving me a gift that I will cherish for the rest of my life.

Best of luck to all of you, as you continue to do great work and impact girls like me.