Monday, February 16, 2015

We're Doing Our Best

We're doing the best we can.

And by we, I mean my family.

Please be patient with us. Please know that when we don't answer your email or phone call or text right away it's not because we don't care or don't want to talk. It's because we are tired, or we are with each other. And the moments we spend with one another are pretty special, so we try not to disturb them. 

When worry about test results consume us, it takes every fiber of our being to "stay positive". And we know the importance of positivity. We know it makes a difference. We know. But just because that's true doesn't make it easy. We also have to be realistic. 

No one has it harder than my mom. She has no escape. She comes home from work and immediately dives into caregiver mode. She has to make sure dad has his pills, that his appointments and rides for the week are set, that he's feeling okay, that they have something for dinner. 

Our number one priority right now is one another. To give each other love and support and strength. 

So if we forget to text you back or what time we were supposed to meet you for lunch, we're sorry. We are doing the best we can.

The reason for this post does not stem from a certain event, rather just something I've been feeling. Maybe it's me projecting feelings onto myself but I do feel, at times, more flakey and forgetful than I've ever been before. And I guess I worry that friends may think that I am ignoring them. I'm not. I'm just very focused on the most important people in my life.

I feel like a broken record, but I can't thank you enough for the prayers, warm wishes, patience and for understanding. This isn't easy. But we are doing our best.

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Weight Loss Wednesday


This is my 2nd gym skip day in a row.

I don't advise having two skip days in a row- it makes the next workout that much harder. And personally, for me, skipping two days in a row.

I wasn't planning on today being a skip day. Yesterday- yes. When I planned my workouts out for the week I marked SKIP in big bold letters for Tuesday.

But today, I simply felt exhausted and run down. My body was aching, my head was pounding, and since this week has already been a long and emotional one, I knew that what I really needed tonight was rest.

It's hard for me to not feel guilty or to worry that I will hit a plateau or gain- but at the same time, I have to know my body and my limits, and I have to know when a rest is necessary.

I'm at 101 lbs now and still plugging away- this week has been a challenge because I have had evening commitments every night, and another tomorrow night. But I've done fairly well, and both my lunch and dinner are already packed for tomorrow. I'll workout in the morning and go into work a little late since it will be a late night again.

The 100 lbs celebrations have come and gone and now it is back to planning and kicking butt. On the days where I am feeling down, I remind myself "Dude, You lost 100 lbs".

I also have to remind myself that I am not perfect. There will be days where I let myself have a treat or I skip a workout. So long as that does not become routine, I know that I can keep this up. I'll admit, I'm terrified of the maintenance phase. My biggest fear is that when I start to loosen up a little bit, that I will go back to my old ways. I think that with my determination and my LOVE for this new body and energy of mine, I will be able to maintain and control, but it is still a fear. As I get closer and closer to my goal weight I will be reaching out to friends of mine who also lost 100 + lbs and get their insight on the maintenance phase.

One thing that has been extremely important in my journey is a simple rule: I don't keep "crap" in the house. That way, I am far less likely to indulge, or to overeat. I try to measure out my portions for EVERYTHING, so that I am not eating more than I should. I also try to turn down sweets at work and to choose the healthiest foods at a work event or a work potluck.

Wish me luck as I continue on this journey to my goal weight. And no more skip days for me this week. Tomorrow and Friday will be StairMaster and run days, Saturday is boot camp and Sunday Yoga. I've got this.

Sunday, February 8, 2015


It's been a while. And by a while I mean a little over a week, which for me is eternity. So hello, friends.

I am officially- as of last weekend- moved in to my new place. And it's so perfect. Aside from some minor anxieties the first day, I have never felt more "home" upon moving into a new place. Don't get me wrong- I miss my old house. The location was perfect and the house itself was so cute. And I will miss living with Sam terribly. But this place feels more like home.

I was able to happily entertain my family last night. We had a taco night, paired with laughs, music, hockey and Mario Kart. We have our own private basement area, which is perfect for Ryan to run around in. For my first time hosting my family over for dinner, I was pretty pleased. And happy.

That's pretty much how I would describe myself these days: happy. And not in the "yeah, I guess I'm happy" sort of way. In the "I really am so happy" way. I'm not sure if I've ever smiled as much as  I do these days.

And the thing is, I'm not following a certain game plan. I don't wake up each morning with a list of things I need to do in order to achieve happiness. I simply choose to be happy. I admit, I often have no idea what I'm doing. I just do it anyways. Life does not always need a blueprint or a step by step guide. Sometimes you can just be, and do, and that's enough. You can't sit back and let everyone else get in on this action, but you also can't spend every moment planning for the next.

Also, a secret: no one else knows what they are doing, either. Sure, some people are really smart in certain subjects. But for the most part, we've all gotten where we are now because we took risks.

What risk will you take?